Monday, November 13, 2017
I See (YOU).
I really believe that one of the reasons I am still single, is because I see people for who they really are and not who I wish they were. I also believe that my last relationship failed, partly because my then boyfriend had this image in his head of his ideal partner, suddenly one day he woke up and discovered that he was actually dating me instead. Even the guy I had a friend's with benefits type partnership with, got into a huge argument with me. He was angry with me because I wouldn't date him,frustrated because I wouldn't give an "us" a chance. The reason was simple, I could see him for who he was, not who I wanted him to be and I knew it would never work. I don't regret that decision. Too many people would feel like they have to follow the script, they would get into a relationship that they know deep down, they don't really want. I know that probably sounds like I'm being too ridged but to me save the romance for the person that makes you feel sparks in your stomach when you see them. I could never date someone, just to not be single, I think a situation like that would give me a claustrophobic feeling. Hopefully one day I will see a man for who he really is, my soul mate.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 12:38 AM
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I don't think you sound rigid at all. You just know what you want and you also know what doesn't work. I think it is much healthier to not settle, than to be unhappy in a relationship. I have experience with that!
People bond over the strangest things. My sister finally found her soul mate when she was in her 40s, when her future husband made a joke on their first date and quoted a line from the movie Airplane. It happened to be one of her favorite lines from her favorite movie, and less than a year later they were happily married, and still are. And these people are both international lawyers, who do serious work for foreign countries and the U. S. government, so it's not like they are dopes...what I'm saying is, you can want a relationship so badly that you mold yourself into someone who fits the needs of another but that's an impossible role to sustain and, sooner or later, you get tired of the act. But you can't fake what makes you laugh. So try to find someone who thinks you're funny, and vice versa. That's my advise to my single friends.
P.S. I got married when I was 48 to a guy who, on our third date, said one of the funniest things I've ever heard but it was about a parking lot attendant in Rhode Island and it isn't funny unless you were there, so I used my sister's story because it's got Airplane in it.
Michael 54, yes we agree then lol. I learned that years ago from my first boyfriend, he was a great guy, great career and cute too, the whole time we were together I felt guilty because I knew he wasn't the one for me.
Vivian, I absolutely love both of your stories, it probably is a good idea to marry anyone who likes the Airplane movies.
Try this rather: See folks for what they really are and consider if the collage before you has enough good attributes and no absolute deal breakers then this may be worth a try.
Yes agreed Dr. Spo, that's what I am trying to do. I hope I didn't leave the impression that because I see people for who they are, that I wouldn't date them. More that I see who would be a better fit for me, also just to note, I'm not obsessive about traits in a person.
As Gordon Lightfoot,composed in "If you could read my mind"- "but for now love,let's be real" Sometimes being single can be just as romantic as being in a couple.Calmly and kindly gazing at a stranger's eyes is romantic.
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