Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Path?

People sometimes talk about a dream they had or a repeated dream they keep having. I wish my dreams were more like everyone else's. Many of my friends will say "oh I had the greatest dream the other night". Not me, all my life my dreams are always bizarre, tortured, prophetic or frightening in ways that no movie could recreate. ............................................... A few weeks ago I had a dream of hiking along a path through rolling, rocky fields, there was actually more stone than field with not a tree in sight. I have never been in such a place, it was not familiar to me. The path was made of small stones, packed down from years of people following the trail. As I walked, the path slowly was taking me to higher ground, suddenly I could see someone at the top of a hill. It looked like he was sitting on either a crumbling stone fence or perhaps a wall. Even though I was some distance away, I thought he looked familiar, I couldn't quit place him but I felt we had met before. Walking up the hill, he never looked at me, I wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't see me, maybe I wasn't really there or maybe he didn't want to see me. As I approached he still was looking off into the distance, I realized he was waiting for me to get closer, I could also tell that he seemed annoyed with me. Stopping a few feet from him, I stood in silence, waiting for him to speak. I heard him sigh and he turned towards me, that's when I saw who he was and why he seemed familiar. It was my younger self, it was me, he finally spoke asking, "at what point did you give up on yourself"? That startled me awake. ............................................. After a dream like that, it made me wonder about self reflection. Could my subconscious be trying to sound the alarm regarding my choices lately, does something like that even exist. I'm certainly not on the path that I had set out to be on. I also am open to choices that at one time would have felt wrong to me. I got the feeling from that young man that he was not only annoyed with me but disappointed in me as well. Did I give up on myself, looking back I wonder if I ever really believed in myself in the first place. Some days I want to go back to that young man and tell him that he will learn things are not so black and white, he will learn about something in between called grey. Maybe that's the stubborn adult problem however, maybe he's right, maybe we need to step back and see when the path we are following is not correct, the "point" is when we didn't notice we went off course.

8 comments:

Stephen said...

A brilliant self examination into yourself. Life is not always black and white there is always that color of grey we contend with from time to time, in my world at least. Those dang expectations we impose on ourselves living our life through their expectations makes for a lot of grey area. Most of the time when I look back and realize I took a wrong turn, got off course is when I followed what I had to do in order to make them happy. Sacrificing one's own happiness and truth. These are words not able to be followed by me yet, but you my friend are miles ahead of me, as you referred to in a comment about another of your friends. It is never too late to change courses, re-trace your steps, find the course of that young man combine what is and what should have been and find the happiness you so deserve.

Anonymous said...

It is hard to know when we veer off course because there are so many variables in life. My existence has taken so many twits and turns that I wish I would have had the proverbial crystal ball to make better choices; but alas we can only do what we think is best in the given moment and not beat ourselves up for making the wrong choice. Easier said that done though. I am always second guessing myself...so not a good person to give advice!

Laurent Beaulieu said...

I do believe that as we say in French la nuit porte conseil, or in English Sleep on it. It is quite true that sometimes by waiting a day some new perspective come to us and we then realize what we should do. Dreams can, I think, give you a message, your subconscious speaks to you. What you do with that message is up to you entirely. But at the same time you know you want to change. It is never too late, you know what to do, so just do it.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Stephen, the dream was bizarre or maybe correct, maybe I should make artistic type short films.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael, you are trying to be real about your own journey, so maybe you're the perfect person to give advice.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Laurent, strange right, a wake-up call while sleeping, I have been doing a lot of soul searching since.

Ur-spo said...

a lovely post, indeed
It seems a numinous type of dream, on which you can expand into conscious thoughts and clarity of Journey.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

It's like that old saying where you can fool many people but the one person you can't fool is yourself. Do you know a good doctor? Lol