Sunday, May 8, 2016
Cry Baby Me.
I'm not sure if it's because I am getting older but I'm a lot more emotional than I used to be and I really hate it. Especially since my father died, it will be seven years this spring (unbelievable to me, time flies) and I found that it changed me, or more correctly, I found that his dying damaged me emotionally. I seem to cry or more correctly almost cry at every strong emotion, happy or sad and it's really becoming annoying. I am almost embarrassed to watch any kind of movie at a friend's place and certainly uncomfortable in a theater. I was raised to hide our emotions and while that is wrong and unhealthy, I also don't like when people feel the need to share every emotion with everyone, that makes me really uncomfortable as well. I don't see crying as a weakness anymore but I see it as a weakness in this case. I find emotions are like flooding wasters to me, rushing forward with the power of a river, pressure building up behind a dam, building building until I can no longer hold back and then boom, it breaks through. I worried this was a gay thing but I'm not sure, I see it in straight guys as well but I have to admit that I notice it a lot more in the gay men I have met. ............................ I wish I could control it like back in my early years, maybe that wasn't really control, maybe it was emotional ignorance, still I would like to get back to a place where I didn't have to worry about falling apart in front of someone.
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6 comments:
I find that as I get older my emotions tend to surface more and often in embarrassing places such as theatres, concert halls and anywhere that a piece of music or an event touches a feeling. I was taught by my father that it was alright to cry provided that you had a good reason to cry - I'm just not sure that he would could consider the death of a character in a musical, as happened a few months ago, a good reason.
But I've also been told that it's better to let it out than hold it in.... apparently people who hold emotion in become serial killers or something. You don't want to be the serial killer of West Quebec do you?
Hmmm, The West Quebec Serial Killer, well at least it's a title and I might have a movie made about me. With my luck it would be one of those cheap Saturday night made for tv movies starring the guy who always plays a neighbour in real films.
Maybe it's an age thing, the emotion problem that is. Even more embarrassing, having grown up in the country, I have had some really great pets over the years, so as soon as some collie saves its owner, a kitten dies or the horse breaks its leg, look out box of tissues, so embarrassing.
Controlling something like this, and worrying about falling apart in front of someone are two things not really worthwhile to have, in my humble opinion. Please don't be so hard on yourself for feeling. It is like chastising yourself for being a brilliant thinker.
Well Dr. Spo it's like part of me is this straight conservative acting, thinking guy and that part of me is saying, "now please don't embarrass us at the movie today, try to at least be less emotional than the average drama queen.
I suggest when the first one pops up in your psyche put a pie in its puss.
Hmmm, pie. Oh now see what happened, that is straight Steven craving pie, gay Steven is going on and on about getting fat, eating healthy, too much sugar blah blah blah.
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