Monday, November 2, 2015
The other day I was talking to someone about a couple we both know. The person I was talking to is straight, the couple is gay. The straight guy made the comment that since one of the men in the couple is a rugged construction type guy and the other man is more the fashion model type of guy, we should be able to see which of the two is the wife. No one has made that stupid statement to me in years, I used to be really disappointed in any of my friends if they asked me who was the wife in my relationships. .................................... I found with gay couples there are no set rules. One guy may be more into what is considered the traditional male role than his partner, both may be, neither may be or even each may compliment the other. As I get older however I am discovering that it's not just a gay "thing". I am noticing there are many straight couples where the traditional roles of each person are not that strictly followed. How many times do we hear someone say the wife wears the pants. ..................................... There are many couples around where the wife takes care of the car, fixes the drywall or removes the mouse from the trap because the husband is either clueless about fixing things or is squeamish. No one starts asking them who plays the dominant role in their relationship. There is still that implied way of thinking that if one of the men likes to cook, is into fashion or decorating the house, then he is a lesser man than the one who changes the tires or saws wood for the winter. ........................................ When I visit my straight friends I love to secretly observed this dynamic. Often the quiet guy, shy guy has a bold in your face wife or the comical, laid back guy has a serious and results driven wife. They compliment each other, maybe opposites do attract but often (I think) roles in a relationship are defined by the personality of each partner. If the woman swings a hammer and the husband is a file clerk, no one feels a need to figure out where they fit in that partnership. ..................................... In my last relationship, I was dating this six foot plus construction renovation type guy, we each had our strengths and he was always telling me to get comfortable with being gay etc but there was one thing I found a little funny. It was that he wanted to be seen as the dominant person in the relationship by others. Mr I am so cool with my sexuality was worried about not being viewed as the alpha male, strange for someone who was supposed to have worked all that out years ago. Me, I don't really care, I mean if they know I am sleeping with another guy, I think the picture of me as a ladies man has gone out the window. I would imagine if people talked about us, they would have assumed I was the wife in that relationship, according to their way of thinking. However they would be wrong, it was a partnership, we each stepped up to our strengths just like most couples gay or straight. I think the more we get to know about relationships the more we realize how much we all have in common, no matter what our sexuality is. Maybe one day there will be no more stupid questions like "who's the wife".