Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Nuances, Subtleties and Secret Moments.
I think for most of us born before 1990, we unknowingly or maybe knowingly, developed a sixth sense about the people around us. The basic truth is that we had to, in order to be able to maneuver through the planet of the straights. I think many of us began to read the subtleties of body language, read between the lines and pick up on things that went over the top of most other's heads. We had gaydar long before the word was invented. I also realize now that all the times I thought my gaydar was broken, it was working perfectly. Just that the handsome jock with the wife and 2.5 kids, also secretly had a boyfriend that would later show up in life. ....................................... One thing that I love about the way gay couples are not only accepted around here, actually pretty much a none issue, is the result regarding the younger guys. The young guys that are completely the opposite of a gay stereotype, those guys were the most hidden but the new generation is not burdened by past bigotry. I love when I am surprised, I love when some handsome guy who looks straight to me, very casually says "no you go ahead sir, I'm just waiting on my husband" a little voice laughs in my head and says "you have just been schooled". ........................................ However this is not the reality of most gay people in the world, which makes me think about the bad old days. Everything gay for me was a negative, I felt it was under control, I had my whole routine, I would stick with it, I had a life long plan and it involved hiding, hiding and hiding. I remember my first positive experience. It happened at a bus station (you better not be thinking about under stall sex or something). I was in my last year of high school, I lived in the city and was on my way home to visit my parents. I had just hunkered down in a chair waiting for the bus, listening to tunes on my Sony walkman (remember those) eating Doritos when something caught my attention. It was a blip on my gaydar. ............................................ Three young people about my age, a girl and two guys were fooling around in a photo booth (do they still have those) and there was something about the two guys. I couldn't put my finger on it but something about them grabbed my attention like a magnet, the way they looked at each other, spoke to each other or seemed comfortable being close to each other. They were trying to fit in the booth to get a picture before the girl had to leave. The bigger guy sat in the chair, the girl sat on one knee while the thinner guy sat on the other knee. Laughing and joking they pulled the curtain to take a picture but had pulled it too far and that's when I saw it, affection.... and I was stunned by it. Affection between two guys and not the kind I was used to. It was a moment in time, it seemed like everything slowed down for me. The bigger guy wrapped his arms around both the guy and girl to hold them by the waist, however the smaller guy held his hand, not knowing I was watching the smaller guy learned back and relaxed into his friend, the bigger guy leaned forward placing his chin on the other's shoulder closing his eyes and hugged him close, the kind of hug that says "I love this guy". I just stared, caught up in their private moment. Suddenly the bigger guy opened his eyes and looked right at me, saw me watching and snapped all three off the chair. They were scared, they quickly left, I wanted to tell them it's ok, I wanted to give them a thumbs up, but that was a different time and I was a different person. That night I couldn't sleep, I saw a gay couple, they were in love and that was a beginning.