Monday, March 16, 2015

Your Fantasy Is Not My Reality.

I am not really looking for a partner, I don't put a lot of effort into finding someone. I think it is because I have given up. I have this feeling, its that I have waited too long, all the good guys are taken and I won't settle for less just to have someone. One of my friends just said that very thing to me last weekend. ........................ One of the things that drives me batty, is all these guys that seem to be living in some sort of fantasy world. It's like they want to play the part of a movie or a memory over and over. Why can't people be honest with what they would like to get out of a relationship. Sure it's fun to add a little spark to a relationship but I feel real life is more fun. My last boyfriend had a few quirks, one being that when he would take me out to try something new, he already had this idea of how the day should go. If I should dislike the event, he would get angry or come apart from things not going the way he played it out in his head. There were other times when I was trying to date, I pretty much put my cards on the table regarding a relationship. I would meet these guys and once I started to get to know them, they were nothing like what I said I wanted. They would want me to wear certain clothes or act a certain way or they would say lines from a movie at key moments etc. I am more of a real life person, I like a guy who really knows himself and is "down to earth" that is my fantasy. I don't have time to pretend. ..........................I think a lot of the older gay men (myself included) are damaged in some way, from growing up being constantly verbally abused by most of society. I heard once we have it the worst of all the people who suffer prejudice. Meaning that a person of color or of a certain religion, at least have family and a community to back them. Growing up gay in my teenage years, you had to listen to family, friends even teachers say how much they hated us, that we were bad etc. I believe that damages us. Maybe that is part of the reason a lot of gay men have these obsessions. So no, since I just met you, please don't ask me to smell your feet, call you uncle or bottle feed you, because I am probably halfway out the door before you finish that sente......

2 comments:

don said...

I wonder if many of us older gay men are really experiencing PTSD like symptoms. Many of us lost family and partners during the AIDS war in the last century. We have those memories to live with. There also still tends to be a lot of HIV shaming that we have to contend with.

Java said...

Bottle feed? ... never mind.

I agree with you, The gays, especially those who are now middle age, have had a really rough time with homophobic society. Trans* folks have it worse, though.