Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Dave Is Gay? Gulp!

Yesterday was the dinner with Dave's coworkers that I spoke about and basically it went quite well. I have to say though it was a little amusing to see the look on some people's faces as Dave introduced me and it suddenly dawned on them why Dave never had a girlfriend. There were basically three reactions, the first was the friendly look as if to say "oh you little brat Dave, have you ever been keeping a big secret from me"! These people I would catch later giving Dave a playful smile or wink. The second reaction was sort of a startled "oh... uh... (Dave is with a guy) n... nice to meet you." You could see they were caught off guard and did not know what to do or say at first but suddenly wanted to show me they were okay with it. The third was more of an extended hand and as doing so, suddenly realizing what it meant and then hurrying off before they were seen talking to a gay couple. One man would not come over at all, and he kept pretending not to see Dave and I. The funny thing about this is, Dave told me once he thinks a manager of his is gay, this man is married with children, this is also the man who would not come over to say hello, this man I have never met before but I picked out of the crowd in a second, I guessed which one he was because my gaydar was going off with flashing red lights and bells ringing. I guess he was afraid we might run up to him and start screaming "you are one of us, you are one of us!"

It was also nice to experience the reaction from many of the people who already know Dave is gay. They would come to me and hug me, making me feel welcomed. Many were happy to finally meet the man who Dave spoke about. Some came up to me and told me I was very lucky, they said that I had a really sweet guy and I have to agree with them. I also learned a good lesson that you can never judge a person on their reaction. Some times a young person would be the one to scurry away and then on the other side of things, an elderly person would come up and tell me they were glad that Dave finally met someone. I would not be telling the whole truth if I did not say it felt very awkward most of the time, thankfully I was often rescued by some of Dave's friends I had met months earlier. Awkward, however this is just another step taken on my gay journey and I know I will have to face many more. I think the best comment came at the end of the night from an older woman who means the world to Dave. She is much older than us, near retirement age actually and very, very religious, she only recently found out Dave is gay and he had always been worried how she would react. When it came time to leave and we were saying good bye, she took my hand and said it was wonderful to meet me, I was not sure she had the full grasp as to Dave and my relationship until she firmly grabbed hold of Dave's hands and said "there is a good guy, you take good care of him Dave, do you hear me, look after him well"! That gives a person who is struggling to come out, such peace inside that is just too hard to describe, I could only smile ear to ear for hours after.

12 comments:

Will said...

Closeted "straight" men are frequently terrified of being within ten feet of a gay man for fear that they may be seen to be friendly or to get along with him. By staying over with the women and the "real" men they feel they're guaranteeing their untarnished image. The bells and whistles going off in your hear were probably right on.

Topher said...

Awww, I'm really glad it turned out great for ya. I got like that too when I met some people that Carlos worked with. That is true, You'd be surprised sometimes who would be more accepting. With this one older woman that I know, she said as long as I was happy, it didn't matter whether I was with a boy or a girl. I'm smiling just reading this :D

TWISI said...

what a great night... i am so glad it went well.

Vic Mansfield said...

You did it! You go, bro! Good for you!

As Will says, those in the closet are often the most intimidated by those brave enough to be out.

And, ofthen those who are very religious are real followers of Jesus, One who loved and accepted beyond all the boundaries of his day....and ours.

The world is full of surprizes and grace. Don't you see, you're one of them?

Steve said...

Good thing that you went! And it turned out fine indeed.

Yes, of course you had and will have many awkward moments, but that is somethings you will have to go through. It becomes easier everytime.

On to the next steps!

Java said...

Great post! I'm so glad the event went well. Sounds like you handled it all with grace. Congratulations to both you and Dave for successfully navigating those dangerous waters.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear that things went well that evening! Conrats!

john said...

The very last paragraph about the elderly woman and her reaction brouht a tear to my eyes.

Anonymous said...

This was great! I was wondering how it went. I love how the lady at the end acted....wow.

Birdie said...

I can understand your worries, and I'm glad your evening went so well. You are approaching the time when it simply won't matter how anyone else feels (although all of us want acceptance no matter what). I love reading your blog. It's almost as good as being there.

daveincleveland said...

so glad things went well...it will just get easier and easier as time goes and and as many have said will get to a point that it just doesn't matter...good for you buddy..keep at it

Wayne said...

You never know how people will react. And most will be okay.