It is hard to accept that one day very soon, no one will answer to "Dad" when I say it out loud. All test came back and the news was really bad. They said there is nothing they can do for my father except try to keep him from suffering. He came home last Thursday and I hope he will be able to stay there until the end. My Dad was a very strong independent type person, my biggest fear is for him to end his days in a hospital with tubes stuck in him. I stay strong around my parents but I don't do so well when I have a minute to myself. It is cutting to think he will no longer be around soon. It is also hard to see he is frightened of what is coming and there is not a thing any of us can do about it. I always felt the people who suddenly lost a loved one, were much better off than they thought, as hard as it would have been to have lost Dad suddenly, this is much harder.
Again, so many of you have sent emails and left kind comments, I deeply thank you as it does help. I'm sorry for not getting back to each of you personally but I usually just check emails while checking on my place. My parents do not have internet access at their place, actually they still are on the party line system, most of you probably don't understand what that is.
Steven
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About Me
- Sooo-this-is-me
- Ontario, Canada
- Lived most of my life hidden in the closet and suddenly realized, it's just not working! I started the process of coming out (way back in 2006) and wanted to write about it, hoping to meet people. My blog has shifted a bit now, sometimes gay issues, sometimes every day issues.
19 comments:
I'm so sorry Steven. No matter how 'prepared' we think we are, life has a course on its very own. We try to understand death and yet we do not. I wish there won't be much pain for your father, and peace and comfort to you and everyone in your family.
(((((( Steven ))))))
Just give him love as he understands it; and tell him why you love him. I pray for a peaceful passing for your father and comfort for all who love him. Here's a big hug, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
Oh Steven, I'm so sorry. I hope there is a minimum of suffering involved for all of you. I'm not surprised you're needing to let go of the 'strong image' when you're alone, and I hope you don't let that worry you. Find the people you know you can lean on and LEAN. I second Birdie's hope that you're able to tell your father you love him in whatever way he can understand. I'm sure it's not news to him, but I bet he'll be glad to have it confirmed.
Steve-o:
No matter how it happens, or when it comes, the death of a parent is a crippling blow. You never really get over it. You learn to go on living [which sometimes seems incredible] and learn to accept that that source of love no longer flows, but the pain never really goes away.
My mothers still talks to her father, over 35 years after he died. I know just how she feels.
I hope you get to a time and place on the other side of the agony of dying, and are able to see the WHOLE of his life as one piece again. That helped me a lot.
My thoughts are with you all.
T@C
I am saddened to hear the latest on your father's condition at this time. As much as your father has been the patriarch, the strong one and the stalwart one, he needs your love at this time. May you have the support to provide and the strength to endure a trying time.
Having lost my dad to cancer many years ago, I know there's nothing I can say to make what you're going through easier.
But just know we're all thinking of you.
I've been keeping you close in my thoughts, Steven and sending you good thoughts and many mental hugs and such. I hope that in those quiet moments alone, when you are able to relax, I hope you can feel all of our arms around you in a big group hug.
Wishing Love and Peace to you and your family during this impossible time.
Have been keeping your family in my prayers.
You know that I only hope and pray for the best for you buddy.
Keep us updated.
Oh, Steven, I'm so sorry. This is such a hard thing. I hope he is physically comfortable, but even more I hope he can find peace for his passing.
much love, honey
sweet steven...there are no words that can comfort you right now..having lost both of my parents to cancer, its probably the toughest test i ever had to go through, just know my friend that there are those of us all over the world reading this,praying for you,hugging you and keeping you and your family close to our hearts as you go through this
we love you my friend
hugs from cleveland
dave
Steven, your father's lucky he can spend his last days at home rather than in the sterile (both senses of the word) hospital. And he's lucky he has you.
Just your being there helping with his care is an expression of love.
“...no one will answer to "Dad" when I say it out loud.” Yeah. That’s what touches us the most, isn’t it. The little customary things. Funny little moments, things said, nothing that Shakespeare would write about, but that you and your dad alone shared, things only the two of you could even understand.
It’s tough to lose a loved one; it brings home how very brief this little dance is, our little stories. Death is perfectly natural, of course, and the song is temporary for a reason. I think we fear death because we’ve separated it from life. My hope for you Steven, and for him, is that your dad spend his last days at home, surrounded by every comfort.
It's been awhile Steven. Just thinking about you and your family... ((((( Steven)))))
It's a gray Sunday afternoon, and I'm home for a change and wanted to see how you were doing. I'm quite sorry to hear about your father.
I'm grateful that you can be home with your parents at this time. Just your presence will make things run more smoothly.
When my partner was in his final days and feeling fear, a priest told me that it was good. It paved the way for him to move forward into the eternal life with humility and grace.
Everything will turn out the way it is planned. You and your family are in my prayers, Steven.
I lost my Mom on Friday, and let me tell you, 'being prepared' is a load of crap.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Catrina, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Steven, you and your family remain in my prayers.
I am so sorry to hear about your father. I hope that, in time, you can achieve a sense of peace about his passing.
Very sorry to hear of the bad news. Both of my parents have passed years ago and nothing can prepare a person for a loss no matter how one is forewarned. Take care, you'll be in my thoughts and being able to be there for him is the best gift one can give.
Hi Steven.. Just thought about you and wondered how you and your family is doing. You all are in my thoughts and prayers...
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