I just have not had time to be gay, I have not had time to be Steven, there are many days were I don't even stop to eat. My days are filled with other more demanding things and sometimes I just fall into bed at night really exhausted. I do get to talk to Dave once or twice a week and he is very understanding having lost his mother less than two years ago.
I think the "gay" part of me wanted some attention as it came out in the craziest of dreams last week. In taking a break from hospitals etc, I thought this is the only place where people could laugh at this dream or at least understand it.
In my dream I was at my parents house, I was getting ready to go to the hospital as everyone else was already there. I ran down the basement stairs to get my boots and there sitting on the steps, completely naked was Tom Cruise. In the dream not only was he naked (the younger hotter version of Tom) but he was also..... how should I say this... he was stroking his top gun and was excited to show me the money (shot). I looked at him in shock, he turned to me and said "sorry but I didn't think you would mind, you know what it is like having to hide being gay and everywhere else I go you know the paparazzi will be waiting for me. I figured it would be more private here". He wanted me to watch as that was part of the excitement for him and so I did, well you probably would have too!
I woke up and thought "where the heck did that come from?" I guess it has something to do with putting my other life on the back burner. The funny thing is that I'm not really a Tom fan, I mean I will watch a movie that he is in but I never really think about him, there are many actors I would like to have found in my basement. Still let me just say that Tom was in very nice shape and built as well. ;)
Silly post I know but I just needed to think of something other than hospitals, cancer and stress. I have learned to give myself a day or two of happy thoughts so that I can go back and take on the day to day challenges that my family is going through.