A Note to Steve.

 I'm awake early, I'm not supposed to be up yet but my body is saying get up. That's a strange thing that often happens when I am over tired, instead of sleeping like a baby, I'm awake early. This will give me time to google parts for my dryer, the belt broke so I have no way to dry my clothes, grrrr! It's supposed to rain for the next two days, I guess that will wash away early Christmas spirit. I am just not feeling Christmas, it's not that I'm depressed or "bah humbug" hate Christmas, no it's nothing like that, honestly I can't believe that the calendar has swung around to that time of year again! I just don't believe that it's in two weeks!

 Yesterday I received a little note online from someone who was at the party Saturday but had to leave early. I was actually a little sad that he had to leave, I like talking to him and hope to become friends with him. I was a little surprised by the note, we have been getting along and I do like this man but I didn't perceive anything out of the ordinary from him. Well... okay I have to confess... I have had sex with this guy about two weeks ago but that doesn't always mean anything in gay culture, (oddly enough).  The note said that while he was around me at the party, he wanted to hold me, kiss me, cuddle me but he didn't know if that would be okay. I had to read it twice, yup it says what I think it says. That makes a person feel good inside, to be desired by someone, to be noticed by someone.

 I sent the man a message back thanking him. Then I explained to him that I am a very properly raised alter boy and that it's never okay for him to try and make a move on me. I also explained that he needs permission to touch me from all my blog friends first! Well... that's not exactly what I said. I told him that I find him attractive, that I feel a chemistry between us and I said going forward... it's perfectly okay for him to try and cuddle me. :D

No time for the dead.

 Today I was a little late getting to curling, well that happens when you are partying out all night. Anyway as I was trotting up to the change room, I could still see many people around the tables. Good, I was thinking in my head, I won't look late. When I went in, my skip said, "we are not playing today". Two friends stepped forward and asked if I heard the news? Sadly one team member committed suicide this weekend.

 He was the typical shocker of a story, nice guy, friendly, always smiling and joking, not the kind of person you think would do that. Yet we almost always read that positive description of someone who committed suicide. Everyone wanted to sit around and talk about it, not me. I didn't really know him, I'm not allowing myself to be sucked into his drama. Obviously he was hurting inside about something and wouldn't get help. I know this is about mental illness or maybe he received terrible news and couldn't go on... but I feel a little bit of anger when I think of the death and illness that I have seen lately. I told my teammates that I was home late this morning so I would return home. I text another friend to tell him what happened. I told my friend about not staying behind to talk, I said there is plenty of time to be dead there is so little time to be alive.

My Drive of Shame.

 It's 3:00 am and I'm almost home, like the "walk of shame", I'm on my drive of shame home lol. I was at a gay Christmas party, unfortunately there were a lot of bisexual guys there and all they kept wanting to talk about was... ewww.. uuugh... yuck.. icky... hot women. Actually there wasn't a lot of guys, most didn't come so my evening was "meh". Still I did enjoy myself, some pizza, movies and socializing is still better than staying home.

Gay bowling? Oh balls!

 I recently joined another LGBTQ club, they have a large group of people and do different social events together. One event coming up in the next week is gay bowling, well actually it's just bowling with gay people but gay bowling sounds funnier. Bowling is something that I have always wanted to try, I have just never had the opportunity. I figured since I already do curling, I should give this a try. If I like it, maybe I'll take it up as a social event. It will get me out with the gays, such a fun bunch. I wonder if we will be using pink balls. Maddie stop giggling!

 Speaking of balls.... there's one thing about running with the gay crowd that I'm not crazy about. It's considered to be polite in gay male society to shave our balls. Okay now Maddie you can giggle. That's right, what many of you straight people might not be aware of, many gay men shave the boys. No... I'm not going into the why, you can probably guess many of the reasons but it happens.

 Some guys must have a sack of leather, shaving doesn't seem to bother them. Some even enjoy doing it. Me, on the other hand have skin like tissue paper down there. It's ball torture and not the fun s&m kind. When I'm done, the bathroom looks like I have performed surgery on myself. After sitting in a cold water bath (to put the fire out... well not a real fire, it just feels that way) the stinging lessons. I can't help thinking about those aftershave commercials or home alone... aaaaah!

 What we do for beauty, this wasn't in the handbook that I got with the toaster oven. To be honest I have been holding back on you guys, what can I say.. I'm shy and private about certain things. I carry with me now what I call my gay sex backpack, all the supplies for safe and erotic male fun. I'm meeting up with a relaxed bunch of guys and things are going to get friendly, not too wild but extremely friendly. This is me accepting and enjoying my sexuality now. I'm only telling you this because I don't want anyone to think I'm just sitting up at the farm alone. I'm being gay and to be honest, gay is fun.

Redundant call.

The other morning the land line phone started ringing. It made me very uneasy because mom has been unwell lately and usually an early morning call is not good. I had just gone upstairs and ran back down to get it.

 "Good morning sir, this is Nadia and I am calling as the head of the department for the Psychic Institute of Montreal".

 I had to give my head a good morning shake, did this woman just say she was the head of a psychic department? "Ummm pardon me, what did you just say"?

 "My name is Nadia and I'm calling as the head of the department for the Psychic Institute of Montreal. Do you know what that means psychic, do you know what it means to be psychic"?

  Never call a smarty pants like me and ask a stupid question. "Well to be honest I don't think you are very good psychics because you should have seen this coming". [Click]

Nothing Post.

 I kept going to post but I kept forgetting what the topics were that I was going to use... and I'm feeling "meh" about posting today. I don't want to put in the energy to a thoughtful post. Maybe... (lol) try Sixpence's blog... that man posts some good s##t on his site! Except when I was waiting in the doctor's office and I opened his blog and he had all these gifs of guys masturbating! I nearly dropped my phone with all the sudden vids of men pumping the piston... and me surrounded by little old ladies with the sniffles. Thanks a lot Sixpence!

 I'm really enjoying reconnecting with my old school friend and the best part is he is reconnecting with all of me, gay warts and everything. It's sweet the way he is wishing he could go back in time to support me, to protect me, that's a real man right there.

 The other thing is we still have the same sense of humour (humor 4 Deedles :D) and if anyone was reading our texts, they would have us committed. It's funny how he tries to get under my skin and I pretend not to notice.
Him: Political correctness is ruining free speech!
Me: Why do you say that?
Him: Well they are taking away the phrase, "that's so gay" it's a perfect phrase to describe something stupid, now I can only use it around my brother.
Me: OMG! We're not allowed to say, "that's so gay"? No wonder I got so many dirty looks at pride!
Him: You really do get me! :.)...
Me: That's so MAGA of you... straight boy!

 I think that I just invented a new catch phrase... "that's so MAGA of you"! Seriously lol, that does instantly describe a negative agenda and the type of people who believe in that agenda. If someone says something racist, to show displeasure you would say, "wow that was so MAGA of you" and it works for prejudice against religions and homophobic comments as well! It's perfect because as soon as you say "MAGA" you suddenly have visions of the negative groups that go with that movement. It would be a perfect insult because if you're intelligent, you wouldn't want to be associated with that movement... and if you are less intelligent, you probably would take it as a compliment... and that's so MAGA!

It's December! Say Whaaat?

 What I should do is make a bunch of wreaths out of that dang blasted tree that came down on my shed. A neighbour with a really large tractor came and was able to lift the tree and then push it off. There is damage but I will probably wait until spring to fix it. I was lucky in how it came down near a support beam, it could have gone completely through. Where is a herd of beavers when you need them.

 I received my first Christmas card already on Wednesday. It came from sunny Puerto Vallarta, a gay friend of mine retired last summer from the government. Apparently he left at the beginning of November and isn't coming back until May, sweet!

 I love getting Christmas cards but I never think to send them out so each year I get less. I think my favorite is the funny ones, I was in a drugstore the other day, snickering like crazy over funny Christmas cards, yes my life is sad at times but I'm having fun.

 I wasn't able to meet up with gay friends today because of the snow fall warnings. I had my curling this afternoon which is only fifteen minutes from the farm so I wasn't worried about missing that. We were supposed to meet up in the city later on after my curling but I cancelled. It's 9:30 p.m. and there hasn't been one single snowflake fall yet, I would have been safely back by now, grrrr... typical!

 As a gay man I have to admit I love the festivities of the Christmas/holiday season, once I became mature enough to take all the stress and negativity out of it, I can embrace the cheerfulness and fun of it. I just scaled it back to what it used to be, people didn't spend Christmas shopping in a mall in my grandparents day. They knew how to have fun, I've heard the stories!

It's coming people, accept it! :D