Invisible.

  I remember years ago, one older blogger posting about feeling invisible in society because of his age, that people just didn't notice him anymore. It's clear to me that I am now entering that phase, I'm just that older guy at work, any get-togethers or events happening, myself and coworkers my age are often left off the invite list. I understand, younger people want to enjoy themselves without feeling like their parents are around. A fellow geezer overheard one coworker saying "just don't let any of the older people know". 

 I remember back when my dad was terminally ill, he was at home but he only had a few weeks left. It was June and I remember the rest of us talking about plans that were going to have to be done in September. I had this realization that Dad wasn't going to be there, he was listening to us making plans that didn't include him. It's like we were leaving him behind somehow.

 I have that sense more and more about myself now. I watch my younger coworkers, working towards career goals, starting relationships, starting families, it's an exciting time for them, they are writing the chapters in their book of life. I feel left out, left behind in a way, I feel that I'm wrapping up my pages, my big excitement is getting a good night's sleep, not having a sore back or finding my favorite shampoo on sale. My future plans include, what happens if I get dementia like mom, where will I live in a few years, will I still have my health, how long can I work before it becomes too difficult. 

My sister will turn 60 this year, it's shocking to me because I can remember when Dad turned 60, it feels like only 8 or 9 years ago and yet here we are. 

 There is a positive flip side to this and it's that I like hanging out with people my own age or a little older. I find that ironically, people my age get together more often than younger people. I guess we need to cram in all the fun before we end up in a home or kick the bucket. 🤷