Monday, July 13, 2020
Voice from the past.
Saturday morning I got up early, I seem to do that now, it's how I knew something was wrong, all my life I've been a sleepy head, I could sleep nine or ten hours if I let myself, now six hours is a lot if I even get that much.
I sat down and opened up my email, to my surprise there was an email from a blog friend from back in the early days of this blog. Apparently he still checks in from time to time and saw that I'm struggling. To cheer me up he sent me a video clip he made for me years ago, he was singing along to what I called my theme song from back in the day. It's "The Frog Prince" by Keane. I was so touched that he would put the effort into doing that for me, it overwhelmed me but with joy and also a relief that there are kind, thoughtful men out there.
I put on my headphones and cried buckets as I sang along with him and Keane. It really was a positive boost to start my day. Thank you my friend, it was nice hearing from you.
I was emailing with a regular blogger friend. I was saying that I unfortunately realized there is no moving on for me now, that will have to come later. I have to heal myself first, I'm not ready to date, I'm not well. Next step is to get out of here and also find a new job. I have to get back my life before I can have someone else in it with me.
I find it so unfair and I feel a lot of anger because I have to pick up the pieces and start over, while the person who caused this is having the time of his life. Unfortunately since Ottawa is a small city, the gay scene for older men is a close community. Everywhere I turn, Mr X is there, turns out most of the gay people I have been meeting over the past two years are either good friends of his or know of him, I don't want to sound like a bitter ex, so I never say that we dated or even let on that I know him. I said to my blogger friend that I will have to stay away from the community for awhile, I can't have memories constantly brought back to the surface. As for Mr X, he has already burned through my replacement and has another new love in his life, I think he should come with a warning label... hahaha!