Sunday, July 5, 2020
Outside the Bubble.
During this pandemic our provincial governments often talk about having our "bubble". The meaning is that at first people had to imagine themselves creating a bubble around themselves for protection. For instance a married couple and maybe children living in the house. No one else would be allowed to have contact. Then we were told we could expand the bubble to one other family and one only. Now we are told we can expand to ten people. The news showed families and close friends embracing each other in joy but also in sorrow from the isolation.
There lies one of my problems, I don't belong in anyone's bubble. Nobody thought of "me" when they began to expand their bubble. In times of crisis like this, only really close family or friends count. There are no hugs for me, no kisses, no sobbing saying how much they missed me. I'm on the outside looking in and the loneliness caught up with me. It's one of the reasons I took the break up hard, when my time came up, instead of a much needed reunion, my bubble was burst.
I was listening to a TED talk yesterday on the radio, it was about loneliness. They were nailing it with everything they were saying while explaining the symptoms of loneliness. They also said it actually affects longevity, people surrounded with close loving relationships, tend to live longer... oh boy. Actually I can see that, right now my sleep and eating patterns are way off, I can see this shortening a person's life.
They talked about the need to interact with other people, like I suspected, online is not enough. The closer you are with someone, the more positive chemicals your body releases. The best being hugged by a friend that you love, it actually releases healing chemicals into your body. I know that to be true, there is a world of difference between being awkwardly hugged by someone, to being hugged by someone you love, you can just feel that warm change flowing over your body.
That's why I sometimes get frustrated with this blog, it's not just about breaking up with a particular person, it's all the perks that vanished. One day you are finally being hugged again, kissed again, being caressed lovingly. It's a total recharge of the batteries when someone you adore is cuddling with you, then one day it's gone and you feel like you have just been dropped off on a lonely stretch of road in the middle of nowhere. That's where I am now, I'm nowhere looking in at other people's bubble.
It's not hard to understand, I just want someone to care about me, someone to love me and I love them back. The other pressure is time is running out, stats show that gay men who don't have a partner by age 45, will usually never find a partner. Stats are stats, they have no emotions or agenda, don't try to dismiss them in the comments section. I read a quote the other day I found true, it was by an older male actor, he said, "dating in your fifties is like trying to buy a coat at a thrift store. You no longer look for a perfect fit, you look for the least damaged one". Sad but true, any of the good guys that want to settle down, have usually settled down by now.
From frogs to a Prince, I know the saying you have to keep going down the line of frogs until you find your Prince. However I think, what if the time comes when the Prince at the end of each line is already taken, all you have left are the frogs, do you look for the best frog? I didn't intend for this to happen, I was hoping to cross paths with a Prince one day but here I am. Now I realize that sometimes you have to go find that Prince but the lesson may be too late.
I just want to be part of someone's bubble, I just want to be on the inside for a change.