Sunday, September 23, 2018
All Tunnel, no light.
I appreciate all the support, I have always known how awesome the people in the blogosphere are, both readers and bloggers. The truth is I don't always feel sad about the events happening regarding my mom's health and dementia, I had to stop constantly feeling sad years ago, I just feel drained. I was talking to my sister yesterday and we both agreed that as hard as it was taking care of my father when he was dying, at least we could see a light at the end of the tunnel. With mom it's all tunnel and no light, we have no time line, she could go on like this for weeks, months and most likely years.
I spent part of the day with her yesterday, she ate for me on her own, we watched "I Love Lucy" I know she is much more calm with me around, I'm probably her only anchor left to her former life. I often wonder what she thinks regarding her situation, the confusion must be torture at times. The other day she said to one of residents who is still sharp as a tack, "I don't think they are ever going to let me go home". That made me feel sorry for her, she doesn't see her place as a home, more like a hospital and she thinks she is recovering, often asking when are we coming to pick her up.
I am stressed at times but there is nothing new here, this is my new normal, everything goes off the rails, we keep trying different medications until we find one that works and then we are good for about four to eight months until they suddenly no longer work and then back to square one. Sometimes I just lose interest in things because of the stress I guess. Anyway everyone has problems in life, mine are not any more important than any one else's. I'm just letting you know that is happening with me, I'm not going to turn this into a "poor me" blog, I try to take in my own moments even between crises.