When Sparks Don't Fly.

How often do we hear about the heart wants, what it wants. Just as powerful; however is the reverse, the heart refuses what it doesn't want and there is no use fighting it. Last week, a friend of mine wanted to meet for supper, I had to cancel and I think I ticked him off a bit. The thing that bothers me is, I think he may want to ask me out at some point. I have known him for almost ten years now and he is a really great guy, thoughtful, kind, has a lot of common sense, has a good job, travels, well rounded type of person. The trouble is that I feel absolutely nothing for him, zero. He is so far from any "type" of guy I like, I would need a map to find my way back. In fact what ever "it" is that attracts me to a guy, he has the antidote for "it". I always say I need to feel a "spark" for someone, if there is no spark when I meet someone, then there is nothing for me to work with and I also know it's not going to change. There is nothing worse for me personally than being in a relationship where I don't feel the connection. I worry that some day he may ask me, I am actually ready with the answer, the best answer, the truth. Simply that I have never felt the type of feelings towards him that creates a healthy relationship. I felt a lot of guilt in my very first relationship because I knew how uneven our views towards each other were, I promised myself never to do that again. So typical of me, to know a really great, single gay man who is looking for a partner and not have even the slightest bit of interest in him.