Goodbye July That Never Was.

A few minutes left before midnight, sigh. Goodbye to the July that never was, I think you thought you were May or maybe the beginning of September, either way like a bad date you never really showed up. August is the last line of defense against fall, then ughhhhh, winter. Maybe I feel extra bothered because I'm entering the fall stage of my life. Sighhhhhhhh.

Oops, busted guys!

Today a group of my co-workers and I were talking about issues regarding transgender people because of the ban towards them no longer being allowed to serve in the military. Most of the all straight male attitudes were positive which is still unbelievable to me, but things are getting better. The focus changed to shared washrooms and wondering if there will be shared change rooms for everyone. Then the topic shifted, because one guy said a woman seeing them change is the same as when they showered with gay guys at the gym or back in their university days. Then it turned a little funny for me because the guys ranted a bit. Turns out all those tricks we do like taking longer in the shower, quick glances, positioning ourselves near mirrors etc, all to check out the goods, they are totally on to us! One man even said "come on guys, we know what you are doing". It was funny to hear the comments, they weren't angry, just really annoyed. This is why I don't tell anyone at work that I am gay. I am like Jane Goodall, gay man secretly sitting amongst the apes, or as we gays say "straight guys". I like that unfiltered opinion, I know it would change if I told them, I don't want them to feel they have to be edited with me. The thing I like the most is, their unfiltered opinion on LGBT issues, really makes me respect these guys. Now call a general gay meeting because our shower strategy needs updating, we have been totally made, the jig is up!

Time slips on.

How is it that yesterday was already July 21st, June 21st is a sad day here, it signals that the days will begin to get shorter, that feels like only a week ago, now it's a month already, summer is passing by. This week all the garden shops were closing up for another year, most of you people won't understand my dread, we only have another four to five weeks of summer left here and we actually haven't had summer weather yet. It has been unusually cool and has literally rained almost every day this summer, yuck so depressing. Better end this post here before it turns into August 21st.

When Sparks Don't Fly.

How often do we hear about the heart wants, what it wants. Just as powerful; however is the reverse, the heart refuses what it doesn't want and there is no use fighting it. Last week, a friend of mine wanted to meet for supper, I had to cancel and I think I ticked him off a bit. The thing that bothers me is, I think he may want to ask me out at some point. I have known him for almost ten years now and he is a really great guy, thoughtful, kind, has a lot of common sense, has a good job, travels, well rounded type of person. The trouble is that I feel absolutely nothing for him, zero. He is so far from any "type" of guy I like, I would need a map to find my way back. In fact what ever "it" is that attracts me to a guy, he has the antidote for "it". I always say I need to feel a "spark" for someone, if there is no spark when I meet someone, then there is nothing for me to work with and I also know it's not going to change. There is nothing worse for me personally than being in a relationship where I don't feel the connection. I worry that some day he may ask me, I am actually ready with the answer, the best answer, the truth. Simply that I have never felt the type of feelings towards him that creates a healthy relationship. I felt a lot of guilt in my very first relationship because I knew how uneven our views towards each other were, I promised myself never to do that again. So typical of me, to know a really great, single gay man who is looking for a partner and not have even the slightest bit of interest in him.

July First Eh!

Today is Canada day, I am not the type of person who runs out waiving the flag and partying like there is no tomorrow but I do like to take a moment and think about where I live. Especially in light of the way Canadian society generally sees gay people but that is only a part of my appreciation for living here. I know how lucky I am and I often think "whew" when I see things going on around the rest of the world. The trees here bleed maple syrup for Pete's sake, life can't get any sweeter than that! Yes that pun was intended, some people are thinking about changing our national anthem from Oh Canada to that pop song "If I were you, I would want to be me too" but that's just rubbing it in. ............................................ The old girl (Canada) is turning 150, so a baby actually compared to other countries. Yes we have our flaws but the difference is we are working to correct many of them. I am going to take part in some of the local smaller towns celebrations, less crowded and I will know people, I find that more enjoyable. Happy Canada Day.... eh!