Saying Goodbye.

How do you say goodbye when you know it will be forever, do you just pretend like nothing is happening or do you take the time to sit down and say "I love you, thank you for everything Dad". Do you say goodbye when the word takes on a new meaning, a truth that can crush you if you think about the loss for a split second.

You made it to fathers day Dad, we had hoped so hard for that, we wanted to tell you how special a Dad you were to us and needed the excuse, however you became so ill that weekend and then we could not go within five feet of you holding one of those cards, it was too final for us, we were not ready to say goodbye yet and so they sit on our dressers, they will never be opened, it is just too raw for us now.

I have to let you go now Dad, there is nothing more I can do. I can't save you anymore, just one more sip of water, just one more spoon full of soup, it does not help now, I have lost. There are no special moments, no smiles or jokes at the darkest times, only sadness and suffering. I feel sick inside all the time as I watch you slip away. How do you say goodbye when 'goodbye' will be from that sad day forward, 'I love you' will mean my whole life crammed into that one little word and thank you for 'everything' will be everything from the day I was born onward.

Annoyed gay guy

The other day I over heard a man I know making a comment towards gays, it was along the lines of "what can you expect from him, he's a queer". There is nothing to snap a person back to the battle grounds with a comment like that. Sometimes we have to hold our tongues to keep the peace for others. I was thinking, what does being gay have to do with a person's character, you are either a good person or you are not, does not matter what your sexuality is. I hate when the person thinks they are on some moral high ground. Thinking that they could never have a gay child, "I'd never raise my child gay, I raised them properly". I felt like pointing out that two of his kids got divorced and that is suppose to be a 'no no' according to most religions. In fact one of his kids ended two marriages and the other is suppose to have had an affair. People are people, I know gay and lesbian couples who have been together for years. I guess he must have been a bad parent if we want to pass judgement.

I don't mean to target people who got divorced or split, that is not my business, if it is not working then the choice is only between the two people. What annoys me is if a person is a bad apple, it is because they are just a bad apple, not because they are gay. I get so tired when I am painted with the same brush of every gay person that they meet. Even worse is the people who always look for the bad in the people they want to hate, the type of person that could know ten really good gay people and then meet up with one bad one who screws them over, then the comment is made "see what did I tell you, can't trust any of them".

Not much we can do about it really, there are always those people who work at believing in something that has been shown to be wrong to them, just some days I have had my fill.

Gifts of moments

Last night I had a sudden thought and it gave me great sadness. I was saying to Dave how I was going to pick up a Fathers day card today and suddenly the thought occurred that this will be the last time I ever buy a card for Dad. I will have to say that a month ago my Dad was so weak that we honestly did not think he would even make it to fathers day, so I have to take that gift for what it is. We have learned that now, we take every small moment, every funny moment and hold them close in our hearts, every good moment is a gift now and they are what keeps us going.