Wednesday, May 15, 2019

#I don't know.


 There was talk of the "Me too" movement during lunchtime today. It seems that someone I know has been swept up in it. Apparently this male coworker gave a woman a job interview, he felt that she wasn't qualified for the position and did not hire her. Later the human resources department came to him and said that the woman had filed a complaint against him. She alleges that during the interview he came on strong towards her, that he touched her, caressed her, tried to give her a massage, said sexual things to her and about her.

 I have worked with this man for years, I have never heard a word about something like this before in regards to his behavior. I even worked for him at one time and always found him to be professional. People want to back their co-worker but I was pleased to see that it didn't turn into a team "man" or team ,"woman".

 I just stayed quiet and listened. To be honest I don't know what to think, at the age I am now, I can tell you I have seen a lot of things happen that totally shocked me about people. Sadly nothing surprises me now. I have worked with really nice guys for years, that I felt were stand-up type men, only to be stunned by the news that they sexually assaulted a woman or some other offence that seemed not to fit their character. Some of the guys said that they trust our co-worker, others like me stayed quiet.

 On the flip side, I find it odd that this woman was ok with the alleged behavior until later when she found out that she didn't get the job. Also this position is a professional position, you need a few years of experience and a university degree. Odd for a married father of two, to decide and blow everything he has worked so hard for... by becoming sexually inappropriate with a well educated, intelligent woman who would not be intimidated by him.

 It's so hard to know unless you have a camera hidden away somewhere, who do you believe. The other guys were saying that if they are hiring and have to do interviews, going forward they will have two people in the room for the interview, just to be on the safe side. Unfortunate as well that even if this man is completely innocent, I have doubts about him now and will never see him the same way again.

12 comments:

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Oh my.
That’s a tough one. I think it was mostly a HR mistake. Job interviews should always have at least two people present in order to avoid this kind of situation. Preferably somebody of the opposite gender.
People has surprised me in the past, too. But when it comes to he said/she said the waters get murky.

XoXo

P.S. I’m going to be waiting for your hot men of yore post! ­čśÄ

Debra She Who Seeks said...

There's always two sides to every story so you're wise not to jump to conclusions. The nicest looking and acting men can be creepy predators in private. I worked for years with a sweet, smart, well-educated guy who turned out to be a pedophile. You just never know.

Bob said...

It's a hard choice on which side to fall.
While I tend to believe the women, sometimes ....

Richard said...

I worked with a fifty-something man who always talked about his church. He played a very active role. He and his wife adopted three children. They did church camp, church recruitment, and fundraising. A new female employee asked me to be her mentor because she didn't feel comfortable with the church man. I agreed to mentor her. A few weeks later, church man was fired for inappropriate behavior. He held and tried to kiss a young woman who stayed late to finish a floor plan drawing for him. The woman I was mentoring then told me church man kept putting his hand on her upper thigh when he was sitting next to her. Everyone was shocked when church man was fired.

Old Lurker said...

We penis-bearers worry a lot about false accusations, but for the moment they are still rare. What would this woman have to gain with a false accusation? Retribution? It seems like a high price to pay. But as always Debra is correct.

I always thought I was safe from false accusations because I am repulsive and fat, but lately I have realized that maybe this makes me more suspect, not less. At one former job I often consulted with people significantly younger than me, and I thought nothing of having one-on-one consultations with the door closed for privacy. I had a coworker who was young and fit and (apparently) handsome, and he said he never has the door closed during his consultations because he is wary of false accusations. Now I am torn (but fortunately I was let go from that job, so maybe it does not matter.)

This is a heavy topic. It is probably good that we are in this transition, but it is difficult for me.

I worry about how different communities have different community standards, which is one reason I want to compartmentalize. What would happen to me if some of the salacious things I write about Maddie were to become public? But that is just more hand-wringing hypotheticals, when real people are ACTUALLY being harassed and assaulted every day.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, a job interview is something that I never even thought about being sexual. Crazy world we are in but I guess it's always been that way only now people are speaking out.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Debra, well I was raised Catholic so...
I unfortunately have witnessed both, men that I thought were good, revealing that they are creeps and women that loved drama so much that they created it, only to laugh about it, after being caught lying.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, nothing surprises me anymore.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, sometimes the church men are the worst. I think they feel that going to church gives them a free pass at being a pig.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Old Lurker, I was also wondering why the woman would say that if it wasn't true, she would have burned any bridge to a future interview for a different position. However I witnessed a woman go to HR and complain about a supervisor hitting on her constantly and that she was afraid of having to deal with him. Later that same day she was in his office trying to worm her way into a barbeque that he was having that weekend. I don't think she was too scared, I know I usually stay away from people that make me uncomfortable, not try to get invited to their house.

Michael said...

This is a hard one. There are two sides to every story. Sometimes the most innocent of men are indeed guilty and then again, some are wrongly accused.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael, correct and that's why I say that I just don't know anymore, people are crazy. I can't help think back to the bad old days when stuff like this happened. No DNA or cameras to help support the person telling the truth.