Monday, May 13, 2019

Thinking Inside the Box.


 One thing that I have noticed regarding online gay socializing, is that many gay people have put themselves inside a box which keeps them from being with other people. I suspect that is why it's so hard to meet people. I did it to myself actually, by moving out here into the country, this is the second time I have done this, I moved back to the country in my late twenties, bad habits are hard to break I guess. This effectively ended my chances of meeting someone both times.

 It seems to be a common mistake that older gay men make. While trying to meet people  and make friends, it seems everyone is as unavailable as I am. I live way out in the middle of nowhere but every gay person I start to make friends with in the city, has limited time to share with me and definitely doesn't have a place of their own. We can never get together because they have straight roommates, lives with a parent, has a business that ties them up, etc, etc, etc. These men are in the city and yet chose options that would limit them. It's like self imposed solitary confinement that keeps them from meeting real people.

20 comments:

Deedles said...

Deep.

Mistress Maddie said...

While I have a pretty nice size of friends here and in the city, I will say when I was living in any city, there is definitely a strong sense of community and much easier to meet people. People in the city, there is more of a feeling of community and mingling, where is the suburbs and country...people tend to stay to themselves more. That's why I like where I am. I can be very social in New Hope or Doylestown, but I can also be reclusive if I want. And when I'm really social, I can go into Philly. Everytime I go into Philly I end up meeting a new person and friend.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

I see your point.
I don't think that you've moved to the countryside intentionally (apparently those things happen? if I were to have my own house, I would not look a gift horse in the mouth) but it does make dating more difficult. Whether in the city or the country, we all lead busy lives and dating becomes a struggle.
I do think that sometimes we limit our options even more when we add very specific requirements to the men we go out with. Some dates are for friends! Maybe those friends would help us expand our circle? I do know that some men only date/hookup with people who are five miles away though. Personally, if the man is interesting (as a friend or as a lover) I'd drive twenty miles...
Just a thought.

XOXO

Tio Walter said...

I'd make time for you, and Maddie, and Six(his name escapes me now must have coffee)pence wherever I am.

Richard said...

I believe some guys use a busy career as an excuse, rather than being honest about letting the other party know they are not interested.

Leanna said...

Interesting

JP said...

I don’t have an answer. There may not be one. But as Tio says the right guy would eventually make time, or you, for him. The hard part is the opportunity in the first place.

Old Lurker said...

It must be nice to have 200 acres of privacy, but real estate in the city is expensive! It does not surprise me at all that your potential buddies have to deal with roommates. Sometimes there are other reasons men won't invite you over, though. As a hint: if the guy in question lists "discretion guaranteed and expected" alongside "cannot host" in his Grindr profile, he might not be as single and as available as you thought.

Having said that, why is it so important that a guy has a place of his own? If you are meeting to socialize, then there are coffeeshops and libraries and community centres and parks. If you are meeting to socialize in a different way, there are disgusting public bathrooms and back seats of cars (or, since you are from the country, pickup trucks) and motels that rent by the hour... and parks. Hormonal teenagers have been making these kinds of alternative meeting arrangements for decades. Surely you can figure something out.

Michael said...

I live way out in the country and I totally understand what you are saying!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, I think that's the shortest comment out of you I ever got. :)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, yes I didn't make it clear but I think there is a reason that online lonely gay men, stay lonely gay men, they put up barriers. Making friends by networking like you do seems to be the way to go.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, no I didn't move on purpose to avoid meeting gay men lol, stuff happened. However I tell people I don't mind driving because it's my problem yet they have placed barriers between themselves and people trying to meet them.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Walter, all of us? You are kind of a tramp aren't you! Hahaha!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, probably true in most cases but if they keep trying to meet up, that's just screwed up.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Leanna, I thought so... in an annoyed way lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

JP, I was targeting this more towards guys online, meaning I think that's why it often doesn't work out. Those guys have a connection issue, I'm starting to think that's why they are online.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Old Snarker, oops sorry... darn spell check, Lurker. Wait what did you say, I have to 're-read that comment, one second. Oh man you really are in fine form today. A guy doesn't have to own a place, it doesn't even have to be a place, there are other excuses like his car is old so I have to drive only to restaurants near his house or any other excuses. Real estate wasn't my point. His mental/physical barrier is my point. I am directing this towards the online community, I've given up on it is what I'm saying. Also I think there is a catch twenty two there.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael and that is why you are my favorite blogger today! Lol. We have an excuse to be less connected but it's frustrating when I try to meet people only to find they have a barrier as well.

Old Snarker said...

One day it's "Group Hug!" and six days later it's "I've given up on the online community". I see how it is.

Speaking of which, are you volunteering for Pride this year?

I'll take "Old Snarker". I quite like that nickname, actually.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Old Snarker, just the online dating community I wash my hands of, the blogosphere people are beautiful people, yes "all" of them are beautiful people lol. How's that for sucking up.