Sunday, March 17, 2019
It's St Patrick's day and all I got was this t-shirt!
I have been playing online all weekend so I figured I might as well post again. I actually posted yesterday evening, about three people had read the post and then I deleted it, (so you didn't imagine reading a post yesterday). I deleted it because I didn't like it, I think that's the first time I've ever deleted an entire published post. I felt the post was immature, a pile of shillelagh as we Irish would say and was embarrassed by it so... zap!
I missed my little blog family but I'm trying to train myself to be online less, it's not an issue with blogging, it's an issue with being addicted to being on line. I have been doing well until this weekend, I fell off the wagon lol, which is even worse for me since being a country boy I should know everything about wagons, (yes I actually own one).
Anyway no green beer for me today, I'm going to add broccoli to my lunch, you can't naturally get any greener than that!
Sunday, March 3, 2019
I think I'm going to take a little time away from blogging, nothing is wrong but I find that I often get caught up in the cycle of feeling like I should post something, wanting to see if anyone liked it, replying to them, reading other blogs, letting them know that I enjoyed their blog... having my comment disappear... more than once, screaming at my phone, well you get the picture. Maybe not a total break, I may post but definitely less often for now, not to worry, all is fine.
:(... I'm ok, nothing is wrong, sniff sniff, no seriously just kidding, it's all good, I just need to focus elsewhere for now. If you need me, just follow my trail through the snow.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
Sometimes there are a lot of little life moments that are not big enough for one post, so like a box of toys, I'm going to dump them out. For example, yesterday in the cafeteria I noticed something and I felt empathy for the person. A woman who is rather large and has in the past complained about her weight, purchased a salad for lunch; however she then proceeded to pour at least a half-cup to a full cup of creamy dressing on top of her salad. I don't know if she understands that she might as well just buy what she really wants, rather than get a salad and drown it in fatty dressing. The point of the healthy choice was cancelled out by the unhealthy topping. I have a lot of empathy for people struggling with weight issues. People don't think I can relate because I have always been so thin all my life; however for a man to be unusually thin, can almost be as bad as a woman on the heavier side. I understand what it's like not to be able to change your weight no matter what you do. Trust me, when you hear two people talking and one says "yuck, Steve is so skinny, gross... I would never date him", that hurts. People need to understand eating better and not torturing themselves by eating less.
Speaking of poor eating habits, I'm in there, yes I "know" better but I don't listen to "me" either. One man at work confessed that he has to have fruitloops for breakfast, there are no other options for him. I told him I'm not judging, I told him of my bachelor's supper. It was often chocolate milk and a piece of blueberry pie. We has a good laugh but now I have out done myself. The other night I came home and wasn't that hungry, I had made a lemon pie so I had a piece, later I was still a little hungry so I drank a beer since I find it makes me feel full after. In other words... yes I had beer and lemon meringue pie for supper. It's suddenly become clear to me why bachelors tend to have a shorter lifespan.
On the radio they were asking about hugs, the host wanted to know if you were hugged by someone and were surprised by how great the hug felt. That the person somehow completely generated a feeling of warmth and friendship to you. Yes, that happened to me and I'm not a hugger, I tend never to hug and I feel awkward doing it. I bring this up because it was Dr Spo from Sporeflections, the best hug I have ever received in my life from a non boyfriend! :)
During my teenage years I listened to music that was not top forty, I wanted to be like the other kids but I hated most of the music on the radio. Also my school being in the country was a bit of an anomaly, the other half liked heavy metal or were stuck in the sixties with Beatles music. Anyway I mentioned that the lead singer of Talk Talk (Mark Hollis) passed away. Everyone I talked to this week never heard of him/them. I will leave you with one of my favorite songs called "I believe in you" but it's not a sappy happy song, it's slightly haunting, it was written with his brother in mind,who was addicted to heroin and eventually died.
Thursday, February 28, 2019
Driving home this evening, I was a little late from working longer hours and stopping for gas. The sky was clear, which is something completely rare this year. I could still see some twilight as I was getting close to home, the clock read 6:58 pm, that made me feel hopeful, maybe spring hasn't forgotten us after all.
During my travels it was announced that the lead singer of the band Talk Talk had passed away, he was 64. That was an eighties band I used to listen to, another part of my youth gone and it makes me feel sad but at the same time, I am getting used to it. Then it was announced that the actor Luke Perry suffered a stroke, at first I was wondering what the heck happened, they said the "aging actor" is 51, oh yes... I remember now, we are entering our senior years, that still shocks me, I forget that I'm not in my late thirties anymore. I never watched 90210 but I know who he is, I remember thinking he was smoking hot.
Try not to think about it, try not to think about it, just keep driving towards home. Define "home", I never thought the day would come when the farm no longer feels like home. At first it was my anchor when dad died, the one thing that wasn't changing and I clung to being there. After a while however, it did begin to change. When I had to place mom in a nursing home, it began to change for me, it took on a different feeling, not the same comforting feeling as before. It became more like a museum to my parents than a home. Now however two years later as I approach the place, it almost feels like a burden, something tying me down. At other times it almost feels like a library book, I'm just borrowing it for now until the next person gets it.
Sometimes I feel that the farm is an entity and I'm doing it/her a disservice by staying here, I'm holding her in limbo, whereas a new family would breath new life, new ideas into her. I am ending my stages in life with her, someone else would be a beginning. My only hope is that they will see her for the beautiful lady she is, with all her rich history, landscapes, plus nature... and not just as a business with barns.
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
I hope some parents finally get a wake-up call. This week it was announced that many school buses have been cancelled... permanently, parents were told they would have to find their own way of getting their children to school. The reason? A huge shortage of bus drivers, they just don't have the people to drive the buses. Who can blame the drivers, children have been taught to reject authority, they don't listen and the drivers are not allowed to discipline the kids in any way. Yet they are expected to still maintain an orderly bus run and drive safely. Any problems and the news is showing up at the poor driver's house. Hard to drive anything with a load of untrained monkeys behind you.
I know any of my friends who used to drive a bus, have moved on to something else. They can tell you unbelievable stories about rotten kids and the clueless parents that support the little darlings at every turn. Nobody wants that job anymore and this dire situation kind of proves it. Maybe if the little sweeties have to walk a few miles to school, they will learn to behave and maybe once the parents are inconvenienced every morning for the rest of the school year, they will also learn a lesson, you may think your little darlings are cute... we don't agree.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Today was my last day of curling. I played a good game, I'm happy with how it went. Afterwards we had little prizes, awards and trophies, then there was an awesome potluck dinner, I couldn't eat another bite. I had a lot of fun over the last four months, plus I met new people and got reacquainted with old friends that I haven't seen in years. Four months, was it really that long? Feels more like only a few weeks, when I agreed to sign on back in November, I felt it was a long commitment until the end of February and yet here we are. Time flies when you're having fun I guess. I did okay, I need more ice time to practice, one guy who just started after Christmas, is already as good as people who have been playing for years. Some people just have a talent for picking up new things.
Another lesson for me to learn... is the same one I have spent my life trying to overcome. For years two friends have been trying to get me to join curling. I was too shy, too afraid of embarrassing myself. I gave it much more importance than it actually had. I have no self confidence when it comes to new situations. Now I truly regret not trying the sport sooner, I have wanted to for years. Even if I tried it and sucked, then what... I could have just said thanks but no thanks. Even better, this league would have said, "don't worry, just come out and have some fun". The people are all very easy going, nobody takes themselves too seriously. Interesting as well, there are people of all ages and all skill levels. Fun is fun is fun, I need to learn to have some every now and again.
They encouraged me to come back next year and if I'm still living around this area, I will. I'm going to miss it, I felt that the game also helped pass the time during the long winter months. On the flip side, it will be nice to have my Sunday afternoons again. Getting ready to go, then curling, socializing with team mates and visiting mom afterwards, made my weekends short. Anyway, it was a new trick for this old dog to learn.
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Yesterday I was listening to the news regarding a meeting of Catholic bishops from around the world regarding the sex abuse scandals, they happen in almost every country where the church has members. I was raised Catholic, my friends and neighbors are mostly Catholic so I'm not an outsider with anti-Catholic views just looking to criticize the church. What I heard however; made me laugh with disbelief and embarrassment.
I don't know what I was expecting, I thought that by now the church would be more educated, have more knowledge and at the beginning it sounded like they were trying to do the right thing. Soon it was evident that they were just saying the right phrases to make positive headlines. The conference on abuse did not allow any victims to speak, did not invite any experts on sexual abuse to speak and did not create any repercussions in the church for abusing people. Instead they created a list of "reflections" for a person to think over.
Many bishops were surprised by the allegations, I have to ask, what rock have they been living under? You don't get to be a bishop by hiding in the woods all your life! You have to be educated and generally live in a populated area. Other bishops said that sexual abuse was a "western illness", that it doesn't happen in places like India or African and Asian countries, despite many people showing up from those countries with the same horror stories that happened here. The bishops also got bogged down with what "is" actually sexual abuse. Apparently raping a woman is slightly acceptable in some countries but not others, raping boys is for the most part a no no but they felt we need to take in cultural differences. Well... oops, silly me, I thought the vow of celibacy meant no sex at all. I thought that vow would have made it pretty clear as to what is or isn't acceptable. These same bishops would probably tell you that sex between two "adult" males is sick, that's one of the reasons their judgments lost their power over me long, long ago.
I will be honest and say I was disappointed and actually surprised by hearing this, the hierarchy used to be very conservative but more worldly or better educated, now they sound more like evangelicals. I'm almost expecting them to declare that it's the devil attacking the church and that the victims secretly belong to a cult that was formed to bring them down. This feeds into the people who are too lazy to think for themselves, I remember one older woman who insisted that the victims are just looking for money and attention. That's completely false, I know of men from well-off families that came forward, they were embarrassed to have friends and colleagues hear about sex acts committed against them but they felt compelled by never being able to move on from the abuse until they said something.
Now I feel maybe this result is actually a good thing, maybe more people will start to see how silly and phony the whole thing is. People need structure and guidelines to live by but it's 2019, time to stop living like it's two thousand years ago, put away the robes, candles and crying statues, let's move on.