Tuesday, September 17, 2019

40 or less than.

 I am not thrilled with dating sites but I like to dabble with a few just to keep my name out there, every now and again I will meet someone and it will be a temporary friendship or an ongoing one. It's how I met my ex, my fwb and currently James, plus a few others that eventually drifted away.  One of my disaster dating sites presented me with a "wink" the other day. The man is 55 and his profile lists him as interested in guys forty or younger. Well good for you buddy, maybe you can take them for ice cream after.

 First at 55, grow a pair, don't send me a "wink" at least say hello, not hey or s'up or dick pics? If we are judging people then to be honest his photo looks a little unsettling, very angry or artsy screaming in a bizarre way and I have to admit.. no exaggeration, he reminds me of a llama, I know people will give me a hard time over that statement but I swear I'm not saying it to be mean. I guess I should feel honored that he went out of his usual comfort zone to wink at an old guy (who's younger than him).

 I didn't respond, I just deleted his wink, kind of non appreciative of all the effort he put into our meeting. I also felt he is one of those men that just casts a net to see if he catches anything. Usually I will respond no matter what but I must come clean, this gayboy was turned off with the age limits (plus the llama face) and so did that gay flourish thingy with my finger as I deleted his ass while saying, "oh no you didn't"!

Monday, September 16, 2019

Playing Cops and Robbers?

 One sure sign of me starting to get old older is how young.. the younger people are starting to look. Today while picking up some groceries, I saw a police officer stopping in to grab a coffee. Usually like the rest of you dirty goats, I'm eyeing the guy up and down.. making sure his uniform fits him snugly nicely. Today however I didn't feel that way, I felt concerned for him, like if I was his uncle, he must have just started the job, he looked seventeen! I was wondering was he looking for bad guys.. or his mommy! Maybe he was just playing cops and robbers and borrowed the car for authenticity, no just kidding, he was the real deal. As he drove away I realized we as a society place a lot of responsibility on that young man's shoulders, he hasn't even begun to experience life yet.

 I felt bad for him because as he was hurriedly getting into his car, he didn't realize that he dropped his teddy while crossing the parking lot. No he didn't really have a teddy, my bad.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

I'm such a dork? Turkey? Dorkey?

 I did it again, I missed out on going out. I don't know what gets into me at times but I have a habit of being excited about an upcoming event, only to give up on going the night before or even that morning.

 This weekend there were three events that I wanted to attend. I was even a little excited about one. On Saturday I was going to have to choose; however the weather decided it for me, it rained all Friday night and early Saturday morning, so it was best that I go to one particular event only twenty minutes away from me. Nope didn't go, lost track of time and realized no point in going. This morning I couldn't get into gear. I was finally ready by eleven but I then realized that it takes over two hours to get there. I would just get there and in a couple of hours everything would be over and it's another two plus hours driving home. I talked myself out of it and decided not to go. In other words all the plans for this weekend, went out the window. I really wonder about myself, my sister was telling me that she does that as well. Maybe the idea of something sounds great but the reality of it, is not so exciting. Clearly proof that I over think most situations.

Sunday service, all rise please.

 Since many bloggers are away, I will fill in for the Sunday sermon, since I'm not that religious, I need a little help. Everyone please rise and open your books to the story of Noah's ark. Blah, evolution smevolution, what will those silly scientists make up next!

Saturday, September 14, 2019

Shoulder weight lifted.

 Yesterday I received some good news. My mother had an appointment with her cardiologist, they were thinking she may need an operation. That weighed heavy on me.. extremely heavy on me. I was going to have to make the choice, don't let her have the operation and if she dies then it's all my fault or have the operation and if it's too much for her condition and she dies, then it's all my fault, either way I could have caused my mom to die. When you hold someone else's life in your hands, it's unbelievable with the amount of guilt that comes with that responsibility.

 However, all tests show that mom is actually fine, she doesn't need any operations or even medication. She has a minor difference in the way her heart beats but it's common according to the doctor. This irregularity in her heart beat was confusing the regular monitors and that is what was raising concerns. Her weak spells are more to do with age and her dementia and not heart.

 I was practically giddy with relief yesterday, not just because mom is fine but also that the life and death situation has been lifted off my shoulders. I had made my decision however in the event of things going bad, medication yes but no to an operation. Mom only lives in the immediate present, so being in pain from an operation would be torture for her, there would be no way to have her understand what is going on and some days she is really feeble so it could really affect her. Now I don't have the worry of that decision, whatever happens from now on will be life taking its course and my sister and I have made peace with that.

Speaking of female impersonators.

 It's freezing out and yet there is a storm banging around outside. The wind picked up so much I was looking for my little dog Toto. Just waiting for the flying monkeys now.

 Since I can't sleep I was watching things that make me laugh, you know "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, these are a few of my favorite things". Besides drag queens, there is also a history of female impersonators, not so much now but I remember as a kid there were many who incorporated female characters into their variety shows. I came across the ultimate female impersonator, one of my favorites.

 Watch a few minutes if you have the time. I'm sure most people have heard of Dame Edna. She gave me the giggles during the storm. :D

Thursday, September 12, 2019

I turn heads.

 As the title says, I turn heads. I was never that great looking but I noticed when around the gays, many guys would wink at me, smile at me, come talk to me and it felt good. Even when I was with Dan, I often got hit on with him there. I was a little ticked about that but he seemed to get a kick out of it. Sometimes I think he enjoyed it, sort of an attitude of, "you want him but I got him".

 I turn heads for a different reason now and it's something I have to learn to accept. I'm reminded of a comment some man made on John Grey's blog (Going Gently). The comment went something like, "I started to notice when I reach my fifties that heads no longer turned for me, no long glances, no once over, no one sees me anymore". That made me feel sad because I know it's inevitable.

 I'm losing my super powers, one of my abilities was to look years younger than I actually was. On my fortieth birthday, I was the only person asked for I.D at the bar we went to. That felt hysterically funny and good at the same time. The bouncer leaned into my face and said, "oh sorry sir, I didn't see all the wrinkles around your eyes", thanks for the great story to tell, b..ch.

 I was turning heads at the pride festival. Often while walking, I would see a guy take notice of me, he would start to check me out but suddenly as he would get closer, he would do a look of realization, that I'm older than he first thought and then he would look away. I've been too embarrassed to bring it up here but yes, I turn heads, only now they are turning their heads away in disappointment. I think that might be worse than not being noticed at all.