Tuesday, September 17, 2019

40 or less than.

 I am not thrilled with dating sites but I like to dabble with a few just to keep my name out there, every now and again I will meet someone and it will be a temporary friendship or an ongoing one. It's how I met my ex, my fwb and currently James, plus a few others that eventually drifted away.  One of my disaster dating sites presented me with a "wink" the other day. The man is 55 and his profile lists him as interested in guys forty or younger. Well good for you buddy, maybe you can take them for ice cream after.

 First at 55, grow a pair, don't send me a "wink" at least say hello, not hey or s'up or dick pics? If we are judging people then to be honest his photo looks a little unsettling, very angry or artsy screaming in a bizarre way and I have to admit.. no exaggeration, he reminds me of a llama, I know people will give me a hard time over that statement but I swear I'm not saying it to be mean. I guess I should feel honored that he went out of his usual comfort zone to wink at an old guy (who's younger than him).

 I didn't respond, I just deleted his wink, kind of non appreciative of all the effort he put into our meeting. I also felt he is one of those men that just casts a net to see if he catches anything. Usually I will respond no matter what but I must come clean, this gayboy was turned off with the age limits (plus the llama face) and so did that gay flourish thingy with my finger as I deleted his ass while saying, "oh no you didn't"!

Monday, September 16, 2019

Playing Cops and Robbers?

 One sure sign of me starting to get old older is how young.. the younger people are starting to look. Today while picking up some groceries, I saw a police officer stopping in to grab a coffee. Usually like the rest of you dirty goats, I'm eyeing the guy up and down.. making sure his uniform fits him snugly nicely. Today however I didn't feel that way, I felt concerned for him, like if I was his uncle, he must have just started the job, he looked seventeen! I was wondering was he looking for bad guys.. or his mommy! Maybe he was just playing cops and robbers and borrowed the car for authenticity, no just kidding, he was the real deal. As he drove away I realized we as a society place a lot of responsibility on that young man's shoulders, he hasn't even begun to experience life yet.

 I felt bad for him because as he was hurriedly getting into his car, he didn't realize that he dropped his teddy while crossing the parking lot. No he didn't really have a teddy, my bad.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

I'm such a dork? Turkey? Dorkey?

 I did it again, I missed out on going out. I don't know what gets into me at times but I have a habit of being excited about an upcoming event, only to give up on going the night before or even that morning.

 This weekend there were three events that I wanted to attend. I was even a little excited about one. On Saturday I was going to have to choose; however the weather decided it for me, it rained all Friday night and early Saturday morning, so it was best that I go to one particular event only twenty minutes away from me. Nope didn't go, lost track of time and realized no point in going. This morning I couldn't get into gear. I was finally ready by eleven but I then realized that it takes over two hours to get there. I would just get there and in a couple of hours everything would be over and it's another two plus hours driving home. I talked myself out of it and decided not to go. In other words all the plans for this weekend, went out the window. I really wonder about myself, my sister was telling me that she does that as well. Maybe the idea of something sounds great but the reality of it, is not so exciting. Clearly proof that I over think most situations.

Sunday service, all rise please.

 Since many bloggers are away, I will fill in for the Sunday sermon, since I'm not that religious, I need a little help. Everyone please rise and open your books to the story of Noah's ark. Blah, evolution smevolution, what will those silly scientists make up next!

Saturday, September 14, 2019

Shoulder weight lifted.

 Yesterday I received some good news. My mother had an appointment with her cardiologist, they were thinking she may need an operation. That weighed heavy on me.. extremely heavy on me. I was going to have to make the choice, don't let her have the operation and if she dies then it's all my fault or have the operation and if it's too much for her condition and she dies, then it's all my fault, either way I could have caused my mom to die. When you hold someone else's life in your hands, it's unbelievable with the amount of guilt that comes with that responsibility.

 However, all tests show that mom is actually fine, she doesn't need any operations or even medication. She has a minor difference in the way her heart beats but it's common according to the doctor. This irregularity in her heart beat was confusing the regular monitors and that is what was raising concerns. Her weak spells are more to do with age and her dementia and not heart.

 I was practically giddy with relief yesterday, not just because mom is fine but also that the life and death situation has been lifted off my shoulders. I had made my decision however in the event of things going bad, medication yes but no to an operation. Mom only lives in the immediate present, so being in pain from an operation would be torture for her, there would be no way to have her understand what is going on and some days she is really feeble so it could really affect her. Now I don't have the worry of that decision, whatever happens from now on will be life taking its course and my sister and I have made peace with that.

Speaking of female impersonators.

 It's freezing out and yet there is a storm banging around outside. The wind picked up so much I was looking for my little dog Toto. Just waiting for the flying monkeys now.

 Since I can't sleep I was watching things that make me laugh, you know "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, these are a few of my favorite things". Besides drag queens, there is also a history of female impersonators, not so much now but I remember as a kid there were many who incorporated female characters into their variety shows. I came across the ultimate female impersonator, one of my favorites.

 Watch a few minutes if you have the time. I'm sure most people have heard of Dame Edna. She gave me the giggles during the storm. :D

Thursday, September 12, 2019

I turn heads.

 As the title says, I turn heads. I was never that great looking but I noticed when around the gays, many guys would wink at me, smile at me, come talk to me and it felt good. Even when I was with Dan, I often got hit on with him there. I was a little ticked about that but he seemed to get a kick out of it. Sometimes I think he enjoyed it, sort of an attitude of, "you want him but I got him".

 I turn heads for a different reason now and it's something I have to learn to accept. I'm reminded of a comment some man made on John Grey's blog (Going Gently). The comment went something like, "I started to notice when I reach my fifties that heads no longer turned for me, no long glances, no once over, no one sees me anymore". That made me feel sad because I know it's inevitable.

 I'm losing my super powers, one of my abilities was to look years younger than I actually was. On my fortieth birthday, I was the only person asked for I.D at the bar we went to. That felt hysterically funny and good at the same time. The bouncer leaned into my face and said, "oh sorry sir, I didn't see all the wrinkles around your eyes", thanks for the great story to tell, b..ch.

 I was turning heads at the pride festival. Often while walking, I would see a guy take notice of me, he would start to check me out but suddenly as he would get closer, he would do a look of realization, that I'm older than he first thought and then he would look away. I've been too embarrassed to bring it up here but yes, I turn heads, only now they are turning their heads away in disappointment. I think that might be worse than not being noticed at all.

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Steve the.. drag Queen?

 I have mentioned that my dreams are often elaborate and extremely bizarre. Monday night I had one such dream, probably due to not sleeping properly the night before. As strange as it was, I felt that I learned something from it.

 I dreamt that I was in a large building, partying it up with a lot of people. It was something like a casino, there were games, music, eating and dancing. I was enjoying a dinner with friends.. even though I have never met these people before. We were seated at long banquet tables and everyone was well dress for the evening. A hostess came up to my group and said, "this is drag night, who wants to try dressing up like a drag queen"? I didn't want to but some of the guys I was with said, "oh come on, this will be a blast"! We got up and the woman lead us to a dressing room, like what you see backstage at a theater. I tried on a wig, we were all giggling like crazy. Looking in the mirror, the wig transformed my appearance, looking very much like a woman. One of my friends said, "oow, wow, here's some lipstick, try some make-up, you look like the real deal"! I said, "Maddie is going to be so proud of me.. or really pissed"! The woman said, "oh you know Mistress Maddie, she is supposed to be on tonight"!

 Once we got changed, we were all laughing at ourselves. The hostess asked us if we were ready to go back to our seats and give the rest of our friends a treat, maybe even get up on stage. I said, "we've come this far, we might as well". Laughing we got up and the other guys went down the hall ahead of me. They went through the door into the banquet hall and I was trying to keep up. I went through the door and as it slammed shut, I stood confused, I was looking at the night sky.. black dark with twinkling stars and it was completely quiet. I had ended up outside somewhere. I looked around and realized I was back at the country fair I had been to on Saturday... now I was with all straight guys, some of who had been drinking and I was dressed as a drag queen.

 Stunned I wasn't sure what to do. There were some people there and they stared at me a little startled to see a drag queen appear. I tried to return, I couldn't get in the door, it was a back door and I was too embarrassed to walk around. I knew the people couldn't recognise me, at least not yet but they were giving me a look of disgust. Suddenly the door opened and a man stumbled out, I grabbed the door and went in, I was hoping that I would be sent back to the banquet hall; however I wasn't, I was still in the main building at the fair grounds. One man rolled his eyes and shook his head at his friends, other people snickered at me. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. I saw some of the other guys, also still dressed in drag. I asked what had happened, they said they didn't understand but that we better get to the washroom and clean up. We passed a group of young guys, they gave us a look of hate, one guy turned to his friends and said half under his breath, "ugh, fucken fags". I felt threatened.

 We went into the washroom and were hurriedly trying to rub off the make up. I pulled off the wig and began to look like myself again, sometimes myself and sometimes a much older version of myself. The other guys pulled off their wigs, we were trying to figure out how to get back to where we came from.

 I was feeling really scared, really threatened, unsafe, I felt vulnerable. A thought suddenly occurred to me and I said to the guy sitting next to me, "I guess this is what it feels like for transgender people a lot of the time, even feminine guys or drag queens out on the street". Then the dream ended but those feelings still haunt me, I think I learned something, it wasn't real but it felt real enough.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Polly, the non binary chicken.

 We are all very natural, only the ignorant will say that members of the LGBTQ community are unnatural. It is common to find homosexuality and gender non conformance in nature. I get tired when people try to say that homosexuality is something that has been recently made up, at the same time hypocritically pointing it out in a book that is supposed to be thousands of years old.

 I was reminded today about a small flock of chickens that was given to me a few years ago. The flock had become the target of a fox and so the owner asked me to take them. She told me about one of the hens, a "Buff Laced Polish" hen who I called Polly. A silly looking breed with a puffy head dress of feathers, like a chicken version of Tina Turner. The owner said that in three years, Polly had never once laid an egg. She raised her from a chick so she knew it wasn't because of age.

 These are not my pictures but the chicken on the left is a good match for Polly.

 I checked Polly out.. my suspicions were confirmed. Polly was an abomination in the eyes of the church. Most of her features were that of a female, but some were that of a male. Even more interesting was her behavior and her relationship with other chickens. My own hens didn't try to clobber her, a sign to me that they didn't see her as another hen. The rooster didn't pay attention to Polly, he didn't she her as male but wasn't interested in her as a female either. Polly however was absolutely terrified of the roosters, something odd for a hen, this behavior is more like that of a young rooster. Clearly Polly was non binary, not feeling like a hen but also not a rooster either. Polly was pretty much a loner, especially when let outside, she would go off on her own, all of the other chickens, used to laugh and call her names, they never let poor Polly.. play in any poultry games.

 Her appearance had a few CKNLGBTQ signs as well, her tail feathers had a slight curve, like a young rooster about to grow in his tail feathers. Polly also had leg spurs, the spikes that grow out of a rooster's legs, only her spikes were hollow and not solid. I kept her for a while, I tried every trick in the book to see if she would lay.. but no egg. Eventually Polly went into show business, no this is not an euphemism, I sold her to a guy that shows birds. I was going to write the title "Polly the transgender chicken" but that would be incorrect, she is not transitioning into a rooster and he is not transitioning into a hen. Polly was staying Polly, neither hen nor rooster, just "Polly" exactly the way nature designed this little chicken.

Monday, September 9, 2019

The hour of the wolf, with a wolf.

 Last night I woke up after two in the morning, fortunately I don't have to work today, otherwise I would be exhausted. My wittle brain decided that I had enough sleep and this was a perfect time for some serious worrying. Tick tock, tick tock watch the clock. I started to think about my work choices, this was brought on by the fact that a bunch of my cousins have retired this summer. Some are only fifty four and are as healthy as a forty year old. They had high paying government jobs and their retirement income will be much more than I make, it's like they won the lottery. Don't get me wrong, nothing was handed to them, they worked hard to get these jobs.

 Hindsight is 20/20, and I really understand the meaning of that statement as I get older. A good example is two brothers retiring at the same time. The older brother didn't like school and went into home renovations etc. However after a few years he didn't like the uncertainty of that type of work, also he watched his younger brothers and sisters doing really well for themselves. He went to university, got a degree, then got into the government. It feels like ten years ago that he did that, yet he retired in spring, his younger brother made all the right decisions from high school on, so he also retired last spring. I think I will be working until I'm 90. Actually that played on my mind because I can retire at 65; however that's when mom began to show signs of dementia. Do I work till 65 and then lose my mind, that frightens me.

 That's the strange part of life, it's a lottery. If you have your health, you win, if you don't, you lose and you can lose on so many levels, example my parents. I went to see my godparents yesterday. I shouldn't be startled by their ages but sometimes I'm in denial about the amount of time that has passed. They are 81 and 84 and have been a perfect example of people who won the life lottery. Both retired with good pensions, they travel south for the winter. They drive down, I don't think I would be brave enough to try that. They golf and other physical activities, both are very social and are sharp as a tack with their thinking, 80 is the new 60 absolutely applies to them. They are starting to have health issues now but seeing how they are on the journey towards 90, I think that is expected. I had a good visit with them, there are not many people of my parents generation left that I can talk to, plus the wisdom, people of that generation from around here have a life experience that isn't common anymore. It's comforting to be able to hear it again.

 What was that? Suddenly I'm snapped out of my runaway train of thoughts. There was a strange noise outside, like a growl. Immediately I think about Kitty, nope we're good, it's damp out so she retired to the barn, she's safe. I listen but nothing, the deer come at night for the apples, I wonder about them. I look at the clock, going on to three in the morning. Suddenly there is howling close, very close to the house, other voices join in. I jump up, it's a bright moon but I can't see, there is a heavy fog over the land. Wolves and coyotes are masters at staying out of sight, night time makes them brave, night plus fog makes them bold. There is another chorus of howling, I can tell these are coyotes and there's three of them,  about two minutes later from a distance a louder chorus answers back. This is a much deeper sounding tone, I'm not sure if they are older coyotes or maybe wolves howling to let them know this is their territory. It's hard to tell some times because the wolves here are red wolves and they will interbreed with coyotes.

 I lay back down, thinking thinking thinking, I don't know why, I didn't have any coffee or chocolate. The temperature dropped to freezing, I brought in a bunch of veggies and covered the rest, hope the flowers survive for at least another week or two. I hear a car go by, unusual for this remote road at this time of night, makes me suspicious. What time is it anyway I'm thinking to myself. I look at the clock, it's not night anymore, it's five in the morning. I groan.. might as well get up now and do something. I'm exhausted, I made it through the night, I close my eyes for a few seconds and immediately fall asleep, not waking until almost nine, so much for getting a lot done.

Sunday, September 8, 2019

Chicks dig horses.

 Yesterday after visiting with mom, I went to a small fall-fair going on nearby. I like to try and go because it's organized by the agricultural society for our area, so I'm supporting our own. Unfortunately it was a wet showers filled day. There was a break by evening and luckily the showers stopped.

 There is a lot of nostalgia for me attending this little fair, as a child I often went with my family, I would know about 90% of the people there and spend the day running around with my friends. My dad even borrowed a team of heavy draft horses from a buddy one year and won a horse pulling competition with them. He was a skilled horse man, you have to know what you are doing, things can go wrong fast, he was 62 at the time.

 It's getting harder and harder to go each year, too many memories but also it's dying out and that makes me leave feeling sad. As I said before it was 90% people I knew and 10% strangers, now it's the complete reverse. Many of the local farmers no longer participate, there are less farmers around and with much larger farms, they just don't have the time.

 This next picture is a game they have the kids play. It's like musical chairs only they ride around the ring, when the music stops, they have to jump off and run to step on a white mat while leading their horse. It can be really funny, I usually cheer for any kid I know or the smallest kid.

 There is a line from the movie George of the Jungle, "what is it with chicks and horses". Now I know that the mantra of the day is that boys and girls are exactly the same, there is absolutely no difference, there is no gender we are all one, we-are-all-one. Until you venture into the real world and things are very different from theory. One of those differences becomes extremely clear in the competitions. All the competitors are girls and women in the riding classes. Girls love horses, back when I was younger, there were as many boys and men in the riding competitions as women, probably even more. However with the invention of inexpensive dirt-bikes, ATVs, buggies etc, along with kids versions of these, the males are more thrilled with motors and were drawn away by them. The females stayed with the animals, that says something about the difference between the sexes. Yes there are exceptions but you can't argue with group after group of ten to twenty riders and all are female. On the flip side, the pulling competitions and wagon competitions are almost all men, usually older men but the wagon groups are small, three to four competitors, the overall volume of women competing to men is ten to one or maybe more. There are sadly not many young men coming up, so the writing is on the wall. This greatly affects my man watching, actually I only saw one cute cowboy. :(

 This next picture is of a new competition, the rider tells the horse to stand, then the rider has to crawl through a barrel, get back on the horse and race to the end. The thing is most well trained horses will stand there, however as soon as the rider is in the barrel, many horses will run away because it can no longer see the rider, some become spooked by the barrel moving. Don't worry, the horse will return to the gate where it came in.

 Sometimes I wish it was a little more professional but this is a good fair for people beginning to show or compete. They can learn from their mistakes. At the same time it can make things fun when things don't go exactly as planned.

 I found it getting really cold in the evening especially because of the rain earlier so I decided to head home. I blogged a little while back about how I started to enjoy going barefoot outside, of course that has ended now, even my floor was cold enough I was wearing socks last night. I saw something at the fair that made me think how good it is to be young. There was a little guy about eleven or so, the kind of boy who is probably going to be a hottie later on, he was walking around all afternoon and evening barefoot, even when I was getting ready to leave! It was cold, the grass was wet from all the rain and yet he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all, kids are tough.

 I drove away thinking this will probably be my last time to go, the reason being that while there, I was enjoying past memories much more than what was actually going on. Time to make new memories elsewhere, I feel it's pointless to waste time regarding the past.

Saturday, September 7, 2019

Ok fall, you win.

 I have been holding off turning on any heat in the house. I wanted to see how far I could get without using the furnace. This fall has been like a typical fall that I would have in my childhood.. cold. Last week I had to close up the windows some nights and also yesterday during the day. Last September was so hot that I guess I have been paranoid about keeping the house cool. I was bracing for the 80+++ heat, but it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. We have had a number of frosts already, not strong enough to kill plants but it's getting close.

 Tonight however I had to give in, I had been away and when I got home, the house was freezing, there has been no sunshine the past couple of days to warm up the house and I turned on the heat. The main reason is the dampness more than just the cold. At least I made it to the second weekend without folding. This also means I better start cleaning off the garden, it's easier to have everything still growing outside but Murphy's law dictates that some night when I have something important to do, the news will start warning about frost destroying the garden. This usually has me picking tomatoes by flashlight in a panic.

 The leaves are changing, the geese are flocking, the night air is nippy, yeah summer has left the building.

Friday, September 6, 2019

Fried chicken has me boiling.

 I read today that they opened a "chic fil a" in Toronto and that they are going to open fifteen more. I am well aware of who owns them and their activist agenda against the LGBTQ community. That felt insulting, that felt like invasion from the American religious right. To add insult to injury, the lineups were apparently huge, I have never felt so betrayed by fellow Canadians. Even worse people camped out overnight, others waited up to twelve hours to get in. There were protesters who chanted "shame" but it didn't affect the people waiting to get in.

 Some people said they didn't care, they just wanted chicken, others said that while they don't support the owners views, buying their fried chicken isn't a show of support. Really??? Supporting that business gives them money to carry out their anti LGBTQ agenda, if that isn't support.. then what is? I have to cool down, honestly I shouldn't expect any form of deep thinking from a person who waits in line for twelve hours just to get a chicken sandwich!

 This also demonstrates to me that in the eyes of society, we still don't really matter. We are tolerated and now it's cool to have some gay people around, we have funny sayings, we do drag shows and we have fun parades. Other than that we are not thought much of. I say this because imagine if the owners said racist statements or anti Jewish/ Muslim statements. Especially in Canada, there would have been riots in the streets. If they were working to suppress people of color, I can imagine rocks going through the windows, people wouldn't want to be associated with that restaurant, others would be afraid to go.

 I was looking at the people lining up to get in. Fried chicken typical people, the kind of people who would be better off ordering a salad. Ooh... I'm so pissed, I'm going all mean girl! One woman kept saying, "I want some good fried chicken, I want fried chicken, I don't care, I want to eat", well honey I grew up on a farm and I can recognise a cow when I see one. Who the f#k.. did your hair by the way, next time tell them not to use the lawnmower. Typical Wal-Mart look for most. Such an accomplished for the people who stayed out overnight... to eat fried chicken, I'm sure your parents must be so proud of you, especially since you are probably living off them because the rest of us were sleeping so that we could go to work the next day.

 The franchise owner said he wants all people to feel welcome in his restaurant, then he should have invested in an inclusive franchise and not a bigoted one! That would almost be like the kkk forming a chain of restaurants and trying to encourage people of color to eat there and feel welcome there.

 Today boys and girls our special word is "boycott", I generally don't support boycotting a business but they go beyond just having views different from mine, they are a threat to the LGBTQ community. What is it with all these billionaire right-wing evangelical Christians? I remember my bible and it's page after page after page warning people not to become addicted to money, in fact it says you can't serve both god and money. The LGBTQ community is hardly mentioned and even then it's not the way right wing-nuts would have you believe, it's funny how they focused on us but not the money part. How do people who want to believe the earth is flat, get so successful at business?

 Just seeing the logo feels offensive. Crispy cream donuts failed in Canada, we are usually better eaters than Americans and customers found the product too rich and fatty. I hope this will be a repeat, I hope the restaurants fail, most people I know don't go to Popeyes or KFC anymore. I hope they are sent back across the border.

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Another "uh ooh" moment.

 When I was itsy bitsy, mom said I was going to try something new called kindergarten. She said I would get to be like the big kids and go to school! Nice try mom, I understood what school was and I had my lawyers contact her council in protest. I claimed discrimination on the fact that my older sister and cousins didn't have to go to "kid nerd garden". However I was living under a dictatorship, the system was fixed, not only was she my adversary, she was also the judge, guess who had to go.

 My kindergarten teacher had only recently graduated from university, we were the first kindergarten class in that school and from what I have heard, we were her first students. I liked her, she seemed nice enough. I remember her as very tall with long slender legs like a giraffe. Understanding that she would have been a student in the sixties, she was a very modern dresser. She became known for her mini skirts, very mini.. mini skirts. Men used to smirk and ask me, "you got that teacher with all the mini skirts"? I didn't get the joke, I would just answer yes as they gave sideways glances to each other.

  Eventually spring came, we said our goodbyes and the following year I went to the school were my sister was. I never saw her again but I remember about ten or more years ago, some of my old classmates were telling me about going to her retirement party. That struck me as an uh oh moment, meaning my really young kindergarten teacher was now old enough to retire. There are moments in life that when you pass them, it makes you stop and think about where you are going and about the time already passed.

 Last week was another uh oh moment, reading one of the local papers I discovered.. my teacher died, I'm not sure yet what happened but I assume she must be in or close to her seventies. It makes me take a step back. Almost all of my teachers are dead now, definitely an uh ooh moment.

 Anyway I have to tidy up, tomorrow a swarm of lesbians will descend upon the farm. Darn just when Debra went on holidays, I could have used some pointers.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

In a trance.

 I happen to read some of my older posts from years ago and I was reminded of the younger bloggers I had become friends with during that period of my life. At that time, everyone was trying to figure out.. how to come out. There was a large community of bloggers making the same journey and a really interesting thing was the age range.

 I rarely post music videos because most people don't like anything I listen to, I have very odd tastes that range all over. Plus everyone has their own taste so if they hate heavy rock or country, there is no point in trying to create a post around a song. One type of music I used to listen to was New Age, yes.. I know it's weird but I loved it, I believe it let me appreciate what many of the younger guys were listening to. When I first started blogging, a lot of the younger guys were listening to trance and dance music, I listened to a lot of the pieces they recommend and I found myself really liking them. Now however years later; apparently trance has morphed into something called electronic dance music, or EDM as we cool people like to say. I'm not really a fan of it, I prefer the older trance music.

 When I moved back home, I stopped listening and forgot about most of it to be honest but a few weeks ago I started hunting down my old favorites. While listening I keep getting a video recommended so I gave up ignoring it and watch the video. This is interesting, someone took EDM and put it with a video of traditional African dance and it totally works. You have to watch these guys move, they are doing some sort of bird dance but it's not the bird dance at your uncle's wedding, this is like the bird dance on steroids. I get a kick out of it and the first guy is amazing. You only need to watch it half way if you can't stand the music, it starts repeating the dance clips. Their feet must hurt, I don't think they are wearing shoes.

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

The wheels on the bus go...

 I heard the school buses running again this morning, a teensy weensy part of me said, "whew, I don't have to go". I hated school and as an awkward, extra small, red headed gay kid, I really really hated school. It's a significant number for me this year, a year with a nine, as in 2019. I remember when I first started high school back in 99, we didn't have cell phones or the internet.. oh wait.. no I didn't start in 99, must have been 89. I remember when I started back in 89, we didn't have laptops or iPads to do our homework, we didn't even have DVD players to watch movies yet. Also we had to.. oh wait, who am I kidding, as much as it pains me to say this, I started high school in 1979, oh mother of pearl, how did this happen. Computers.. heck we didn't even have VCRs or walkmans yet! Elton John was straight, Madonna was still a virgin and Michael Jackson was still black!  We didn't have junior high so grade seven was high school for me.

 I don't remember much about that first day, I know we were afraid of the older kids. There was a hazing ritual for new students. It certainly was a change from before, with our elementary teachers planning every step we had to make. I remember liking boys but I wasn't gay in my eyes. It's just that my man feelings hadn't kicked in yet, I had let myself think about being with my friends and must have gotten addicted to the day dreams, (gay dreams). I just needed to get them (my attractions) under control and I would be alright in a few months, even find a girlfriend maybe to hang out with at dances.

 That first day must have been alright because I have no memory of it. I was probably already doing homework, getting myself ready for the following day at this time (7:15 p.m.) I wasn't happy about entering high school though, I always knew getting older sucked. I was the opposite of all my friends, I wanted to be a kid forever, I never wanted to grow up. It's funny to think about all those years ago, starting on my first steps towards being an adult. High school seemed like an eternity and yet now all these years later, we can see it was just a blip in time. I certainly never thought I would be back home, alone writing about it forty years later.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

Weddings and empty wishes.

 September first, I have to accept it, I thought if I tried stapling all the calendars to August, then maybe it would stay summer longer. The frost on the deck roof this morning said otherwise. Fortunately it didn't affect anything in the gardens. Well... I will make myself enjoy the month, I actually do enjoy fall, I just have to remind myself that I do.

 Actually September first does hold a special day for our family, without it... I wouldn't be here. This is my parents wedding anniversary. September was a popular month to get married, cool enough to dress up but warm enough not to have to wear extra clothes. I was thinking about visiting mom and wishing her a happy anniversary but there is no point now, she has no memory of being married, she no longer recognises my dad in photos, he has been gone too long. I know she would say "thank you" but only to be polite. It would be a hollow wish on my part.
 I decided instead to look through the wedding album. Some pictures made me tear up a little... now seeing them as young people just starting a life together, made me feel proud of them. I miss that couple so much. I'm not going to be sad about it, I'm happy to be reminded of the adventure they were about to begin. I used to come home for the long weekend and babysit the farm while they celebrated their anniversary. They would leave Friday morning and go to a weekend music festival. Around this time Sunday evening (9:00 pm) I would see the lights of their car and know they had returned home. I had a dream of them coming home the other night, the lights pulling into the driveway. No one came in however and I eventually woke up. I had forgotten that memory, odd that it shows up at this moment in time.

 Today there was another perk to this month, I needed to do some work outside and even though it was sunny, I needed a heavy shirt, it's so much nicer trying to work in cool weather and best of all, noooo bugs. I was trying to think of a theme picture for September, the leaves on the trees are still green, so it would be a little cliche to try and put up fall colors. I didn't sow pumpkin this year and an onion just doesn't say "it's September" so I will have to work on that one.

 Another September perk, my dinner was almost completely from my garden, the only exception was bread and some mayonnaise. It was yummy-licious, nothing beats fresh vegetables, I will see how long I can make this last. In 2018 I had tomatoes right into December. If you can keep green ones coming up until October, they will ripen on your counter top and still taste better than the store bought ones.

 I watched cars going back and forth, back and forth all day while I was working outside, it's a holiday and yet everyone seems so busy, life no longer let's people relax. That's really sad because most people don't realize how precious time is until they are running out of it.

 Happy anniversary mom and dad, I love and miss you. :,(

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Where are you going.. summer?

 Last week after I came home from pride, I went out to check on my garden because I had been absent Saturday and Sunday. I saw something that hit me like a door in the face. The potato plants were lying down, some were turning brown and some yellow... noooo! You see for the non gardener, when the entire patch lays down like this and they are healthy, they are getting ready to go dormant. The plants die off and then you harvest the potatoes. The onions were doing the same and the tomatoes were dropping their leaves. 

 Summer is over. There was no mistaking the message, plants go by daylight hours, they don't care what the calendar or weather man says, they follow their own rhythm.
 No little onions.. get up! Get up! It's not time to sleep, please get up, hurry before winter hears about this, we don't want him coming!

 Noooo little potatoes, get up! Get up! Please do it for uncle Steve! Get up you little bastards or I'll poutine your dumb asses!

 No little tomatoes... nooo, stop dropping all your leaves, you still have time to grow! Now stop that baring your branches, shame on you, we can see your balls.. urr tomatoes. What are the neighbors going to think, filthy little plants, I'm never reading posts from Maddie's blog to you again!

 Gasp! Gassssssp! What? What has happened? Farewell rhubarb, you have earned your rest my old girl, you may sleep for you were the first to herald spring when I needed a sign of spring. You were the first real flavor after a winter of frozen or canned food, many plants have come and gone over the years but you have always been loyal to my family, good night, until we meet again some day.

 Hey at least the peppers are still doing kickass!

 I don't care what the calendar says, today is the last day of summer for me, tomorrow is the first day of fall. In this part of the world, the weather agrees with me. There is a chill in the air and this long weekend is always very different temperature wise from even last weekend. There is no more swimming in lakes and frost is a real constant danger now. Over all the summer of 2019 has been a pretty good summer, it started off cold but warmed up into a pleasant normal summer. Doesn't that sound weird to say or read, summer of 2019, really.. seriously it's been 19 years since the year 2000? When did that happen, imagine 2020, seems almost like the title of a science fiction novel or movie.. but I'm rambling.

 Even where the sun sets now is unbelievable in how far north the planet's tilt has progressed. My mom used to be saddened by the position of Sun, she passed that obsession on to me. You can see the sun setting on the left, on June 21 it sets on the right where you can see a tiny bump of a treetop. Hard to grasp in a photo but a huge distance in real life. You can see why things cool down, in another week or so, the sun will no longer shine on the north side of the buildings, or for that matter any hill, mountain or forest. The flowers on the north side of the house will stop blooming because of lack of light. The ground will begin to cool off as ever growing large sections won't see sunlight again until next spring.

 Tomorrow begins the decent into darkness, death and cold but as you see... I'm keeping a positive attitude towards it. :p

Friday, August 30, 2019

My nipple clamps arrived!

 I'm so happy, my nipple clamps arrived and they came with shocking power to give that extra spark!

 Well you people did say to get more in touch with my sexuality. Plus every nipple clamp purchased during August comes with a free set of fuzzy handcuffs! Grrrrowl.
 I can't believe it's been a week already since my pride weekend. Time flies when you're trying to get shh.. I mean, stuff done. It's too bad I didn't bump into anyone at the parade. I was prepared to meet people, even straight people from work, many are LGBTQ positive and I could see them bringing their kids out to have fun. I know it would have went like this, "what are you doing here"? Even though I would be wearing a button and carrying a little rainbow flag, I would have said, "these are my people, this is my tribe". Then I would be the Monday morning gossip but that's ok with me.

  We have a number of out lesbians at work and I was surprised none were there, neither was the two trans people. Actually at work, no one even knew pride had happened.

  A blog buddy said to me last week, while we were emailing back and forth, "what are you going to do to keep the moment going"? I like that he said that because it's exactly what was on my mind. I am trying different groups to socialize with, not dating sites but groups to make friends. I figure make friends first then maybe out of that I will meet Mr Right. Unfortunately this city seems so lame. In other cities these same groups meet, socialize and the groups thrive, here nobody goes, nobody puts any effort into meeting someone new and the groups disband in a year. Anyway I'm going to keep trying, onwards and outwards. Now I have to remember to turn the power down on these nipple clamps, last shock nearly made me wet myself and not in an erotic way!

Thursday, August 29, 2019

Call of the wild, shh don't answer!

 I wish I could record what I have been hearing most evenings this summer. I have tried but the phone doesn't pick it up. Some nights it's just coyotes howling, creepy enough but they are mostly just yappy when they howl and bark a little as well. However some nights there is a sound that even frightens the coyotes into silence. The hair standing up on the back of your neck comes from the wolves, apparently some must have built a den just north of the buildings because as night falls, they start howling after dark. It's not a silly yapping howl, it's the blood chilling deep moaning wail of a creature stalking the woods for its next kill. You get an image in your head of a dark figure, skulking from tree to tree in the evening mist. All the fairy tales filled with night terror become real. The big bad wolf, is the big bad wolf..  but only if you are another animal, they tend to stay away from people but they will kill anything they can get a hold of and when they get really hungry, they will do things that can get really scary, like come into your yard during the day.

 It's the call of nature and when you hear it, let the machine pick up, "sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, plus to be honest I wouldn't taste that good, I'm all bones... and my friend Jim is here.. you know.. the hunter"!

 It's interesting to hear them, I know people travel out into parks at night to listen for them. There are a lot more wolves around now than there used to be. My favorite actually is hearing the owls at night, I will miss them when I move. Now how do I set these wolves to shut off at eleven, life in the country.

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Pride 2019.

 I was thinking I better get this post done before it's been a week since the parade. Interesting (to me anyway), I happen to look back ten years ago to see what I was doing. I was posting about going to a pride parade, only the Montreal one and not Ottawa. I found that startling because it was the last parade I went to, I can't believe it's been ten years since I went. Anyhoo here's some pics.

 Here Debra, some amazing boobs for you! Even better, some nice wholesome lesbian sex slaves with dog leashes and everything.

 Just like with our mayor finally coming out, the beautiful thing about eventually coming out, is it changes people for the better, like this fellow, welcome to the rainbow side.. like father like son?

 I can't imagine how great it is for younger people, sadly they probably don't realize how lucky they are, to get to have gay proms etc. I loved this little guy, he was about twelve or so and was fabulously leading his group in a butterfly costume. The expression on his face was priceless, he loved his role.

 Even though it was downtown Ottawa, surprisingly a group of bears showed up! I want a bear hug!

 It wouldn't be right of me not to include a gay rugby team, drool drool pant!

 Speaking of athletes, how about the volleyball team, drool drool pant!

 Every pride parade needs a unicorn!

 Speaking of animals, lots of people brought their dogs and puppies. This gorgeous young man was so good at keeping his three pups in line. Take note John Grey since you love dogs.

 Of course our special ladies are always front and center.

 Who wouldn't enjoy a burlesque show? Heck I want to go see that. Maybe even get to wear the tassels!

 There was much much more, it was hard to get good pictures but this was a small part of what I saw. The crowd was huge, I heard yesterday that they estimated it to be at least a hundred thousand, I totally believe that number from what I saw, good thing I went because 999 999 just doesn't sound as sexy.  I can remember a time years ago, when I heard 5000 showed up and I was amazed it was that big.

 I always feel very emotional for days after any big LGBTQ event. I spend my life thinking I'm alone only to be snapped into reality that I'm not and that I have a whole community that can relate to me. I never want to leave something like a pride parade. Walking back to my car always feels so weird to me, like for a brief moment I get to live in a world where people are like me, then later I'm transported back to a world I'm not fully a part of.

 It was important that I went this year because of all the bigotry I've heard being directed towards the LGBTQ community in the last twelve months. We got together, we played thumping dance music, we dressed up, (some undressed), we laughed, we cheered, mostly we had fun! I'm so thankful that as a gay man I live in Canada. There was a guy in the parade with a t-shirt that read, "this parade is gay" thankfully.. yes it is!

Monday, August 26, 2019

Speaking of good signs.

 Just another short post this morning. Speaking of signs at the parade, there were many, some hilarious, some thoughtful, some straight to the point (no pun intended).

 There was a different kind of sign however and it made me feel really good inside. There were no news cameras anywhere that I could see, no reporters, no journalists.. nothing. Probably at some point the media came out for a few sound bites but otherwise stayed away. A sign that the pride festival and parade is something no longer news worthy, not like some kind of street riot, this is the way it should be. Of course the early coverage did help get the message out but the feel of it was predatory at times.

 I remember in the early days when I was really uncomfortable with my sexuality, that was one of the annoyances. News crews would be running up and down trying to capture the freaks on display. You could hardly sit down without a camera suddenly being shoved in your face.

 "What do you see Bob"?
 "Well Kent there are a number of homosexuals eating on this restaurant patio, it appears that most have ordered the salad with their meal, clearly this must be some kind of sexual signal"!
 " You heard it here first folks, we will be keeping an eye on this story, next up is Janice and her unbelievable story about a lesbian that has never been to Home Depot"!

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Thoughts on Pride 2019.

 I just got home and I'm having a late dinner so tonight I'm only going to touch on a few thoughts about the pride parade today, I will make a proper post about it tomorrow or Tuesday. First.. it.. was.. HUGE! I haven't gone for about eight years and I was utterly gobsmacked by the size of the parade. Also the crowds were incredible, thanks to all the straight people who came out to support us... and thanks for bringing hundreds upon hundreds of children, who will now grow up accepting of the LGBTQ community. The parade used to take less than an hour, today it started at 1:30 and finished after 4:00. There were times when I would look up and down the street and see nothing but people for as far as I could see. There were plenty of older moms and dads there to give love to lonely LGBTQ children.

 The Ottawa pride parade is a lot more tame than most pride parades. It is family friendly, a lot of the group's have children marching in them. My sister said something to me Thursday and it seems to be true from what I saw today. She said the Ottawa parade is boring because it's too political and too commercial. She said that's why she stopped going, she is thinking about taking in a larger parade next year like Montreal  or Toronto pride. True, I don't want to see a group of union reps protesting some work grievance or one political party sniping at the other. Even though I enjoyed the day, I personally wouldn't recommend anyone traveling here just to see the Ottawa parade, it was lame at times. There just isn't the floats or fabulous-ness you see else where. There are mostly groups walking, waving flags. You spend all afternoon watching groups representing the major banks, unions, insurance companies, Starbucks, political parties blah blah blah! I want to see drag Queens, I want to see men in leather, I want to see the gay hockey teams, I want big scary dykes on bikes! There were times when I felt that everyone around me and everyone in the parade were straight and I was the only gay person. Fortunately those times didn't happen long...

 I was alone again, my fault; however I moved around where ever I wanted to. It's hard not to notice everyone else in groups having a lot of fun. Another thing that can almost ruin it for a person is smoke. I was so glad years ago when they started banning smoking from buildings, parks, public places etc. I hate the smell of smoke. Unfortunately since they made smoking pot legal, everyone does it everywhere. Even though I was outside yesterday, I could smell it in my car this morning. The car was parked off site, my clothes absorbed the stink enough to transfer it to my car.

 I never saw a single person I knew, it's possible that we didn't cross paths but I remember a time when I would meet a lot of my friends. The old farts probably didn't want to come out anymore. I was thinking how opposite of the old days. I used to be terrified of meeting someone, I remember once almost bumping into a friend of a friend. A huge drag queen stepped between us and I slipped away before being seen, scurrying home before I was outed. Now I don't care at all. I was hoping to see a bunch from work, there are a group of guys I was suspecting to be gay, I thought they might be there.

 I decided to leave after five, the crowds were large and I didn't feel like waiting an hour for everything. You can't dance alone and if you talk to someone they think something is wrong with you. Another thing that was very pleasing, at the end of the parade, we didn't have the usual haters with their signs and bible thumping. Although some people came prepared with some songs of their own.. lol.

 Oh and did I mention about the gay firemen... gay firemen people.. gaaaay fire..men! Get that truck over here because I think I'm melting!

Saturday, August 24, 2019

My big ol'gay Saturday!

 I was thinking to myself the other day that I was being the usual stick in the mud and not taking part in any of the g'activities this past week. I couldn't get anyone to go with me so last night I said screw them.. I decided to take in the LGBTQ street fair today. Two streets were closed down and there were a lot of booths set up.

 As usual at any LGBTQ event, there is a number of gay bears!

 There were some good acts on the smaller stages, they had the gay men's chorus and two young girls that could really sing well. On the main stage they had a d.j spinning tunes.

 There were also two drag shows going on. One at a smaller stage with local queens which was entertaining, also there was one heck of a kickass show on the main stage, it was freaking awesome! These ladies meant business!

 This next one was my favourite, she came to conquer! Very out there, very theatrical, brilliant! Like Maleficent and a drag queen had an offspring. She did her route to the Todrick song, I like boys.

 Sorry I couldn't get closer to the stage, a lot of the pictures didn't turn out, too bad because there were some other really good acts.

 There was a queen from Montreal, the outfit demanded attention!

The main guest of the evening was the 2018 Drag race winner Aquaria, some of you probably have heard of her. I have never watched the show, nearly lost my gay card over that one today.

She was hard to take a picture of, she uses the entire stage, running back and forth and getting down on the floor, it was like trying to take a picture of a balloon someone just released the air out of.

 During the day, I couldn't help feeling like I was back at square one, here I am alone at pride, just like before I came out. However I can't hold a pity party, I procrastinated over making more friends and this is the result. I also felt my age there, most people were thirty five and younger or at least it felt that way. I did get a few looks and one guy really checked me out, I mean really checked me out! Like a wolf looking at a lamb chop! He wasn't my type, his eyebrows were plucked and I think he might have had a little male makeup on. He was however very good looking and younger than me, made me feel good inside, I still got it. :D

 I was thinking about buying a gay teddy but I already have a teddy bear, we have been together for thirty years. Teddy was given to me by a friend who would later come out to me as a lesbian, so there is a gay connection with him, feeling guilty I brought teddy back a little gift from this afternoon.

 I enjoyed running with the herd today, so I'm returning tomorrow for the parade, gay night everyone.

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

It's ironic how...

 Last night the air was cool and fresh, perfect for sleeping. I was picking some vegetables from the garden before dark and I noticed the leaves turning over on the trees. This is usually a sign of rain, the sky was completely clear however, I did notice the sun setting white, another sign of rain. I thought maybe it was going to rain the next day, the weather man had said clearing out overnight.

 At 2:30 in the morning I was awoken to a strange sound, I soon realized it was the oddest sounding thunder I had ever heard. I jumped up and closed the windows just as a downpour started. At the sound of rain, I remembered the trees with their leaves turned up earlier in the evening, mother nature like all moms, "a mother knows"! We definitely could use the rain, just not the thunder and lightning. I went down stairs to snuggle into my reclining chair and wait out the storm. Unfortunately every time I was just about to doze off, another storm would come, this went on until almost six, I felt exhausted by morning.

 Usually if something wakes me between two or three, I can't get back to sleep. The hour of the wolf, so to speak. It's ironic how at three in the morning, I begin to clearly remember all the tasks I was supposed to do earlier in the day but forgot. It's ironic how I suddenly have the energy at three in the morning that I had needed at work during the day. Also ironic that I can clearly see where I am making mistakes in my social life at that hour as well. Ironic that I become totally focused on those thoughts, no matter how hard I try to block them until the following day, compared to losing my train of thought often at other times, when I need to be focused. Also ironic that at three in the morning, I'm unable to do anything about my problems and for some bizarre reason, I finally seem ready to take on the task.

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

The writing is on the fall.. um wall.

 This week I can really feel summer shifting towards the end. There is that chill in the air, even when it is hot out, it's hard to explain but there is a certain chill in the air. We were supposed to have hot humid days, there has been some humidity but no real heat until today. Yesterday was a real wakeup call regarding the impending fall, even though it was hotter than normal and sunny all day, when I walked out barefoot, I was shocked by how cold the ground felt! It made me jump a little. Today the ground was warm again. The other difference is when night comes, even if it has been extremely hot during the day, the temperature falls below 50 Fahrenheit or 10 Celsius. However I actually like that about this time of year, it makes it easier for sleeping.

 Instead of picking veggies in the cool even at eight, I'm coming in for the night, the sun has well set by eight o'clock now. Time to release kitty for her night shift.

 During June and July, it wouldn't be this dark until ten at night. No sign of leaves turning yet. I see all the tomatoes are planning on ripening at the same time, grr.

 This morning I noticed it very quiet, not until a crow started squawking that I realized it was because no birds were singing. Actually for the last week they have been flocking, getting ready to leave. The only thing chirping now is crickets but I love listening to them as well.

 Last night I heard a whip-poor-will, for those not familiar, it's a little night bird with a beautiful repetitive song, sadly they are dying out. The last time I heard one was ten years ago when dad was ill, I recorded it for him to hear. When I was really young, I would listen to them at night, their song was magic and kept away the monsters somehow.

 Speaking of going outside barefoot on the cold ground, it's funny but starting last year, I love running around everywhere barefoot. I never could before. Some gingers it seems, have three times the nerve endings in their skin, making them super sensitive. That explains a lot for me. When we were kids, my sister and cousins would pull off their shoes and socks and run around the yards playing tag etc. Not me, I couldn't understand why I couldn't do it, to me I was walking on a patch of thumb tacks or broken glass, I could feel every thing under my feet. Ouch! Oooch! Eeech! Oooch! Ouch! That was pretty much me for the one minute I would try. Now as I get older, I don't feel it as much. I love walking in my garden barefoot, especially on warm days, I feel connected to the earth. It also sends stimulation constantly to the brain I find because of the difference between walking on grass, earth, sand or gravel. You don't get that sense of stimulation from shoes.

 I wanted to include the whip-poor-will song, sadly one day, recordings will be the only way to hear one.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Pimp my recipe!

 I'm beginning to feel all better now after my last post. The response to the incident regarding the drag queen reading has been really positive. I saw an interview with a young father and he said he took his little boy to the following gay picnic, he said that he wants his son to grow up being comfortable with whoever he is going to be. That was sweet and I was thinking what a cool dad he is. It doesn't wipe away a lot of the bad I've been hearing about lately but it's nice to see so many people jump to our defense.

 Moving on to something lighter. I have become a master at "pimping" up ready made foods. I find most have no flavor and also many don't have a lot of healthy ingredients. It's better to make home cooked meals but sometimes we don't have time.

 I think I mentioned this before, one of my favorite things to do is take a frozen pizza, cut up a little tomato, onion, green pepper and cheddar cheese, then put the cut up veggies and cheese on top of the pizza and cook it. It makes a much better tasting pizza plus it has healthy ingredients on top.

 Another trick I have been doing is for a quick desert. I get cookie dry mixes, usually Betty Crocker for only a buck. Chocolate chip or peanut butter. With the chocolate chip, I add in a table spoon of brown sugar and some extra chocolate chips to make it more like the real thing, with the peanut butter I add in a table spoon of 100% peanut butter and put some peanuts on top, gives it a more old fashioned taste. I also get a blueberry muffin mix, I add in a handful of real blueberries to make it taste better. Doing these add ins, doesn't affect the convenience of the recipes but it greatly improves the taste.

 Another one I like to do is "pimp my chicken noodle soup". When I am only slightly hungry and don't want a big dinner. I take a can of chicken noodle soup, slowly simmer and while I'm waiting, I chop up and add, green onion, basil leaf, spinach leaves, a few green beans and tonight I poached an egg in the soup as it started to boil. It tasted awesome! The poached egg was perfect, it had a nice shape and when I cut into it, the yolk was still running. Chef Gordon Ramsay suddenly walked in my kitchen and said, "nice 'bleeping' job Steven, that's a perfect poached egg"!

 Sometimes I think I should write a cook book for bachelors, "How to make great meals in minutes" or "The lazy man's guide to cooking"! I'm working on chocolate coated bacon strips and for sure, I would include my famous tomato and onion sandwich!

Chihuahua sized Rottweiler.

 In this dawning age of the "bully", I'm beginning to feel like a kid in high school again. I have been watching how there has been an increase in homophobic incidents over the last couple of years, it's beginning to feel even more uncomfortable out there. I hate the feeling of being helpless, I hate the fact that nature seems to under equip many gay people for the oncoming battle. Fight or flight, I learned at a young age to back down, not only was I not aggressive like most boys, I was always half the size of my friends for that age. I was even a target for younger children, they knew that they could bully me and if I fought back, well I was considered acting shameful for hurting a younger person.

 Sixpence has been running some great posts regarding negative attitudes towards the LGBTQ community. I half jokingly commented to him, that I often feel like a Rottweiler in the body of a Chihuahua. I'm still a lot smaller than the average man. I remember being intimidated while watching hockey players come out on the ice after I was finished curling, one day last winter. These guys were huge, they were strong and they were very aggressive towards each other, if one decided to attack me, there would be no way to defend myself and I hate that feeling.

 Yesterday, here in Ottawa (of all places), there was a fun day planned for families with small children, it was story time, children's books read out loud to them by... wait for it.. drag queens! I thought that was hilarious! Many young families brought their children out to teach them about diversity. Over a hundred people show up and everyone was having a great time until a Christian group stood up and started yelling and protesting the event. They said it was perverted and child abuse. Now who would know better about sexually abusing children than a Christian church.

 This infuriated me, I have been feeling so angry inside and helpless at the same time because if I was there, what could I do. It's upsetting also when you realize that in the Ottawa area, these people are mobilizing, they are starting to show up at LGBTQ events. That's not homophobia, that's just raw hatred, targeted towards us. Maybe Anne Coulter was right when she said, "we should kill their leaders and convert them", only in this case it would be convert them to atheism and apply it to all right-wing religions. I'm tired of them trying to shove their hocus pocus on the rest of us. Enough with trying to play along with their make believe stories. We don't go to their church and start screaming about child abuse.

 I used to say that I respect people's religious beliefs, well I don't anymore, frankly I think most are stupid and they  better respect me enough to keep it out of my face. I'm going to end this here before I say something that I will regret.

Saturday, August 17, 2019

What am I watching?

  What are you watching, I often see that question on the net these days. I guess because now people have so many choices, with the internet and satellite tv, that the answer is as diverse as are people. I don't watch tv anymore, I find it boring, very cliche, predictable. I think every scenario has been played out over and over, nothing surprises me much these days. Even when a new series looks promising, I find that soon I will be disappointed, the writers will fall back into the usual story lines.

 I woke up early this morning, 4:30... and couldn't get back to sleep, it was still dark out until almost six. I broke my "no drinking coffee" rule and settled down to watch the view. What am I watching, this is my Saturday morning show.

 The moon getting ready to set, with the soft sound of crickets as her lullaby.

 The morning fog suddenly forming over the fields.

 My flowers, glistening from the dew, silent now but getting ready for the day's busy bee activities.

 A mother deer, safely nibbling clover around the buildings. She acts casual but I know her secret, she keeps her fawn in the long grass around the barns, even though she doesn't trust me, she knows I keep the bad things away.

 The fog, lifting to quickly escape before the sun rises and dissipates it.

 On its way to becoming.. a cloud? Rising out of the earth and floating away, reminds me a little, of a squiggly caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly.

 I finish my coffee, the sounds of daytime are beginning. I should get going, I have important plans to ignore and procrastinate on.

 Have a good day people. What are you watching?