Saturday, August 27, 2016
One of my earliest memories is of me sitting on the kitchen floor playing with my toys. It is a large country kitchen and at the other end is a young woman sweeping the floor. I look at her and think to myself that it's mom, and as long as she is around I'm safe, that of all the people I know in my small world, she is the kindest to me. She looks over and says how about we move my toys so that she can finish sweeping the kitchen, it was a daily routine that she did after breakfast. The memory ends there, I'm not sure why that moment stuck in my little mind, I guess it was when I started to figure out who people were and how they related to me. Even years later I still felt that as long as mom was around, I would be safe in some way. ............................................ When I was still very young, I happened to watch an old black and white movie called "Body Snatchers", I was disturbed by one of the story lines, an alien took over the body of a boy's mother. She looked like his mother, sounded like his mother but it wasn't his mother and he just knew. It frightened me that a person I was so bonded to, could someday become someone else, but it was just a story, that couldn't happen or so I thought. Fast forward to today and I discovered it can happen, only it's called Alzheimer's disease and not some catchy Hollywood title. ........................................... This week that long gone young mother sweeping the floor could no longer keep her son safe, she could no longer keep herself safe and it was the boy's turn to keep his mom safe. One of the hardest things I had to do in my life was to place mom into the care of a seniors home. She didn't understand why she had to move there and became quite frightened. I know it was the right decision, everyone agreed it was the right decision, but some part of me feels that I have betrayed her. ............................................ It did not go well but luckily for me there was a nurse who has handled this situation many times and knew all the right things to say. Turning my back and walking out the door was numbing, I held it together until I got back home, when I entered the house I said out loud "goodbye mom" and then completely lost it. I was encouraged to stay away for a week to let mom become familiar with her new surroundings but I would call in the evening to ask the nurses how things were going. They told me one night that she was worried I would be stressed over this and hoped I was alright, even though many days she is confused about most things, somewhere locked deep inside, that mother is still trying to look out for her son.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
I don't know about you, but if I hear one more comment about an athlete being "over the hill" because they are turning thirty, I'm going to SCREAM! What does that make me? I'm just waiting for the day when some scientist will ask me what it was like watching the dinosaurs die off, ( I cried the whole time until I realized I no longer had to scoop that giant poop). I have reached the age where I fully understand the saying "youth is wasted on the young". ...................................... I have been watching some of the games, especially the men's swimming, I must confess I am very pleased that the guys are wearing swimming trunks again and not those full body suits. I personally find the trunks hotter on the guys than the old Speedos. The Americans have been dominating again and they are not too hard to look at either. I saw something that I found a bit amusing, I can see why some countries do so much better than others. The top countries walk out with these streamlined, in shape bodies, tall broad shoulder strutting six packs, while some others have flab and spill over their waistline, lol not judging but I wouldn't put any money down on such a swimmer. I heard in the old days they used to swim in the nude, actually I wouldn't want to see the return of that, guys extremely nervous, under pressure and swimming in a cold pool, I prefer my imagination to reality.
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Some days do you ever feel like you belong to the wrong club or that life played a trick on you and placed you in the wrong environment. Like being born into a family of fishermen but you hate the ocean or raised on a ranch and are afraid of horses. Maybe you want to be a famous singer; however you have a fear of crowds. Me, I get squeamish quite easily, plus I'm gay, two things that don't go hand in hand, in an lol gay sex kind of way. Sometimes when I read people's dating profiles, I am commenting in my head things like "eww oh no, you want what" or "yeah that's never going to happen". I often wonder what is the "norm" for gay relationships now, I wonder if the people looking are a lot more "wild" than the every day kind of gay relationships. I can see being more open to things as I fall in love with someone who would hopefully be a life long partner, but I have no desire to go wild with a stranger. I wonder about this because of what my straight friends tell me, all the studies that come out these days about how couples are much more open about sex, they say "no, that's just fixed, it's less often and much more tame than it was in the beginning". I'm just hoping that when I find someone it will be often (8 or 9 times a week) I just don't want to have to present him with a list of "don'ts" and "really don't even think about it", that could be a relationship bummer. Yes, I'm just kidding about the 8 or 9 times a week, sort of.