Well coming out to my friends is one step in the direction I want to keep moving towards. The next one is the hard one for me, that would be meeting other gay people. My trouble is that I don't fit into the gay culture really, I am not into the bar scene and I prefer to fly under the radar, I hate attention, well not here in blog land that is, I love hearing from and meeting new people through my blog. I am too intimidated to go into a gay bar, I think I would be laughed out of there, or run like hell if someone looking similar to a member of the Village People started hitting on me. I don't see myself going up to strangers and saying lines like "come here often" or "did it hurt when you fell from heaven", I think cheese should just stay on pizza. Since all my friends are straight, there is no help there. I ask them where is their obligatory gay friend in their circle of contacts, they grin and say "that would be you Steve", well d'oh! Sometimes I wonder if I am the only gay guy around, it feels like that most days. Nobody in my group of friends, nobody at work and no one in my family seems to be a brother! The problem is I keep hearing whether true or not, that most places are a meat market. That is just not who I am, I could never meet a stranger and go home with them, If that is your thing, I am not judging and I can understand the excitement to it, I am just saying it is not for me. I really am just looking for a friend at the moment, I also don't think it would be fair to any guy around here, to mislead him as I am not ready for a relationship, due to still dealing with a 'me' so an 'us' would be out of the question. My fear is also that most gay people would find me boring, sort of the go to work, come home, lead mostly a quiet life kind of person. I do however like to dance, I would really love to be able to go out with a group of gay guys and just dance in a gay bar, that is one wish I will work on to become real. Again though I worry, stuck in the middle with the dancing issue. I dance better than most white straight guys my age and lets face it, most white straight Canadian guys over thirty dance like the hockey stick was shoved up there! The worry comes when I see clips of gay guys dancing, I'm hoping they are only showing the best and the rest are average. I do enjoy reading other gay people's blogs and see them doing exciting gay things like mowing the grass, pruning the flowers, getting the groceries and painting the kitchen. I get so excited when I realize that all these years I have been leading a gay lifestyle and just did not know it!
A blog friend of mine was saying how he went to a gay friendly church, there he was able to meet other gay Christians and I assume a lot of them would lead a low key life. Seems to be only the devout Christians that are deeply in denial that lead the wild bathroom stall, sex filled lives, sorry my bad but I had to get that shot in there! Seriously I think if I could find a group like that it would be a start. I am open to suggestions on how to meet other gay people so feel free to comment on ideas or if you want to tell me how you met other people, good or bad experiences are welcome as I can learn from both. Even putting up my picture today was huge to me, my hands were shaking, well OK so I cheated a little and wore sunglasses and a cap but it is a big step for me. Part of the coming out process I guess, plus most of the bloggers have a picture up and I felt a little guilty not having some sort of representation of me, who knows maybe in a couple of days I will panic and take it down!
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12 comments:
Still proud of you. You do what you're comfortable with as you want to. Whatever you do, welcome to wherever you get to. :)
Those pictures of the rest of us just doing normal things like buying groceries, mowing the lawn, painting, and trimming the flowers are all things we just put in our blogs to throw all the straight people off. You should see the wild, way out party lives we REALLY lead.
:-)
Seriously, you've come such a long way at this point. Every little step you take, I'm sure, feels like a hike to you at this point. And, to think you're doing it all by yourself! Way to go Steven! Don't be discouraged. You'll meet people who have more in common with you as time goes on. I remember also having the same feelings that I was the only one out there who was gay and wondering where all the others are. Speaking from experience, after living so many years in the closet, you just haven't had the opportunity to meet other gay people. As soon as you begin, the doors will open gradually and you will meet more and more people. Hang in there!
I totally know where you are coming from. I've been to the gay bar only once and all I did was sit against the wall because I didn't know what to do. I think though, that I put too much of expectation on myself to do something that nothing ended up happening. I will be going back though in a few weeks. Maybe the second time will be the charm? We'll have to trade notes. ;-)
Hey, and I'm glad to put a face to a name. I'll have to imagine those "beautiful blue eyes" that I read you had. [grins]
Take care there.
Steven,
You really do have a way with words. This stuff is pouring out of you and I think we are all eating it up... and that picture... look at you mister!! :)
Trust me, Sweetie...You are not the only gay in the village! Don't rush. See if there is a gay community center near where you can meet nice gay men not into the bar scene. I used to volunteer at one here in Cincy and met some really nice people. Good Luck.
A couple of points:
1. It can still be fun to go to the meat market without actually being on it. You still meet people, talk to people, see what's going on, how guys behave and how they react to you. Dance, have a few drinks and then go home; nobody demands instant sex.
2. The dancing at my local meat market is atrocious. Last time I was there, I was the only one dancing. But when more people are moving around, it can be great fun on the dance floor.
3. The only Village People types I have ever seen were a couple and it was hilarious to watch. Gays come in all shapes and sizes and the vast majority is fairly normal, apart from the occasional gaydar-trigger.
I hear too many people saying the gay community is not for them - but apart from a few unifying characteristics such as a preference the community diverges and generally there is space for everyone. Take a look around and somewhere, somehow you will find people just like you.
I can totally sympathize with the whole not fitting the stereotype bit (other than Canadian guys dancing, lets face it we really can't).
Also, bold move putting you picture up there. Good for you.
I never liked going to gay bars, but I realize I'm not wild about bars in general. Explore your options, keep an open spirit, relax and have fun. Some gay people perpetuate the stereotypes they rail against. Wherever you go, just be yourself; that's the best thing you have to offer (and it is a fine thing, indeed!). Rome wasn't built in a day, blah-blah-blah; you have many nice people pulling for you. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Nice aviators.
I agree with Pete.The Gay Lifestyle is uber stereotyped. The media loves and feeds off sensationalised famboyance. I hope/think there is room for all of us. Those of us not busy dancing are busy blogging and there are a tonne of us bloggers, so there must be a lotta normal 'uns who make you comfortable, no?
Ummm..maybe they aren't aviators. I can't make out. I am blind. Bah.
Ummm..maybe they aren't aviators. I can't make out. I am blind. Bah.
You're going a long way fast. I hope you don't get on this roller coaster and then feel as though nothing is happening or that you're not succeeding. I agree with Cincy that your best bet is to check out the local GLBT center. As you do come across other gay men in multiple settings, you'll soon find out about worthwhile organizations to become a part of and associate with. It does take time.
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