Saturday, January 4, 2020
I think I'm lost?
I have to be honest here and say I'm feeling a little lost at the moment and a little down. I've come to realize that certain people in my life are not who I thought they were. Some that I thought were going to be a strength to me, that I could count on, have revealed themselves to be unstable in character. I mean personality wise, I'm never sure which personality I will be dealing with, I find that unsettling and immature. There is nothing I hate worse than having to dance around a person or walk on eggshells around them so that they don't become offended by some little thing I said.
I don't have the patience for this anymore, seriously grow up you babies. I don't do drama... I do driftwood, meaning like a piece of driftwood, I silently float away from you and before you know it, I'm gone from your life.
Most heartbreaking is one of the people I lean on often, is now preparing to fight for her life. The prognosis looks good but she will need me to present everything in a positive light going forward. She will need to rely on me, I can no longer look to her for support.
Well... so I'm feeling a little lost, a little alone... very alone tonight if I'm be honest.
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30 comments:
Call the guy you're sleeping with and have a tumble.
I can't Jimmy, he's with another guy right now.
Sweetie, walking on eggshells is exhausting! I've found, over the years, that I can be civil to these types, friendly even, but I can't hang around them and be myself. I don't have the patience to hide myself anymore. Anyway, HUGS! I also find that sucking my thumb soothes me. Of course, that route isn't for everyone. Sucking can be soothing.
Honestly, I am also feeling lost and down. On the other hand, I am made of drama, and take offense at EVERY little thing you say. So I ought not to complain.
This is your sick neighbor lady? You are good in crises, so I am sure you will be there for her. Just because she is suffering does not mean she does not also care about you.
I think it is time for you to reach out to your support network. You have lots of rural neighbors you are on good terms with. Rekindle some of those relationships. Go shovel snow off of some church roofs. Invite some people to your unpainted home for cookies and pie. There are people in your community who care for you and will help support you. None of them will be "The One" on whom you lean for all your support, but that construct is unhealthy anyways.
Sometimes you have to be the support person and sometimes you get to be the supported person. What goes around, comes around. But I agree with you about people who make you walk on eggshells. Life's too short to put up with that. Ditch 'em.
Chin up
Tits out
What Debra and John said,
drop the drama queens; my ex-husband was one. find positive people. help your friend in her health battle. continue to get out and experience life.
It will get better. It always does. It may get worse before it gets better, but it always gets better.
Deedles, yes you got it exactly, walking on eggshells is exhausting and I can't be me. I never liked the feeling of my thumb print in my mouth so I wasn't a thumb sucker, however sucking can also be exhausting and a bitch on the jaws.
Not to mention hard on the knees! I hear things :)
Lurker, you take offense at everything I say... and yet you're here... lucky me. I'm just wondering if you are aware that I am right at this moment getting under your skin by saying that first part? Yes truly evil of me but the truth is I miss you when you are not around. I have empathy for you, I'm sure it's not easy being you, it's not easy being me at times either, maybe that's why we connect. I appreciate the comment.
In a way your friend who will be relying on you is making you grow stronger, you just don't see it that way. It's time to grow up and face more realities in life. It's not always about you. Things just got real and you have the strength to face your problems and fears. Like John said, Chin up Tits out. You can do it.
Debra, all true and I just tossed those faux friendships out the window. I'm really going miss the people that were falsely presented to me but not the actual people.
John, that's part of my problem, the realization that at this age, I am developing tits!
Bob, no that's cheating, eyes on your own paper!
Anne Marie, exactly I don't give out awards for drama, I give the boot!
RJ, I know, this is temporary, then it isn't, then it is... that's just life.
Deedles... sure you "heard" things... I have "heard" things a few times in my life as well! ;)
Leanna, I'm not sure how many more realities you expect me to face, I took care of one parent until he died and the other parent until her mind was gone, I don't think that's about me. Of course I will be there for my neighbour, I always am. I'm just upset at the people who presented themselves as one way, gained my trust and friendship but turned out to be someone completely different. I don't have time for immaturity.
Don't we all go through periods like this? You might feel better in a few weeks. Have a tea and relax.
RB, I will survive lol. Tea??? That sounds like a good excuse to have a cookie as well.
These are sad things indeed; your feelings are legit.
It's no fun seeing people change/move away - even when they are staying put and you are obliged to move on.
no fun this
I know the feeling of walking on eggshells. And then the person had an epiphany and realized all that I do. So things got better. But it took a LONG time for the light to go on.
And you will end up stronger helping your neighbor. Somehow we always rise up to the challenges before us. This too shall pass.
re: walking on eggshells: people can have bad days. This does not mean they are unstable people. Be careful about generalizing one bad experience (or even a few bad experiences) with a trend.
If you restrict yourself to hanging out with people who will be calm and friendly under all circumstances you will be stuck socializing with Debra and nobody else.
Dr Spo, no fun indeed.
HuntleyBiGuy, I find that people don't change, I have given up on that wishful thinking years ago.
Lurker really you know me better than that, I wouldn't give up after one or two incidents. However I believe people when they show me who they really are. Being stuck with Debra would be awesome for me... not such a good deal for her!
Sorry you are feeling lost and down. I get that way sometimes, but luckily it usually passes. My latest lament is my career. I don't know how much longer I can teach, but I know I have to keep doing it to pay the bills! Take care...
~Michael
Thanks Michael, I think it's passing. Probably a left over from missing all my family who have gone and I was thinking about over Christmas.
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