Thursday, January 2, 2020
Desire, as in I desire your affection.
Getting back to my love life, or lack of love life, I'm still getting messages from Mr Right... now. A few weeks ago I had my breath taken away by him. He was getting ready to leave a party and was talking to the host. I suddenly saw him as the young man he once was. He was standing in the shadows and the darkness hide his age, it made his white locks look blonde, he still has a great head of hair. He kept doing that sexy thing guys used to do way back when, roughly run his hand through his hair from front to back, letting it all fall into place. At 6'2 he is a tall man. I could see the echo of the younger version of him.
It caught me off guard, I couldn't help think of an eighteen years old me, meeting up with this twenty something young man years ago and getting together. He like me however; couldn't accept his attraction to men, so he married a woman and had three children. Divorced now, he doesn't want to be out and about completely just yet.
It's nice to be desired, it's nice to be found attractive but... I wish he would think of me at other times than just when he is feeling horny. I don't think he realizes that he wants more, I wish he would just let himself go and follow his heart, I think he is only listening to below the belt.
As luck would have it, another gentleman is interested in me, unfortunately it's that age old problem, the guy that likes me, I have absolutely no attraction towards, typical! He started sending messages and I have to do that thing where I stay aloof, so that I don't seem unfriendly but at the same time I do not encourage any further connection, also gay or straight, I need to let him preserve his ego. Sometimes when a man likes another man, he can be a little relentless.
I'm tired of being alone, I received an invitation to a party over the holidays and it read, "since your revelation to us, just know that going forward all our invitations to you are automatically 'bring a friend' for all events". I found that really sweet and there is nothing I would love more than to show up with a friend to an event. The thing is, it has to be someone that desires a connection with me and not just desires me.