Friday, January 17, 2020
Internal Homophobia, Projecting Externally.
I have noticed the term [ internal homophobia] lately while reading posts on other blogs. Usually it has to do with some uptight guy, fighting tooth and nail against the LGBTQ community, being caught with his pants down... literally. Usually there is another guy (or two) involved, sometimes drugs, sometimes leather harness and sex toys. Most often however the guy is trying to frantically explain, how he thought his buddy was deflating and was just trying to help by blowing him back up again.
I can understand being afraid to come out, I can understand being worried about rejection, I get it as that was me for a long time. What I don't get is the active harm towards the LGBTQ community that these people work towards. Stranger still is that many of these people (mostly gay/bi men) are involved with members of the same sex, they are actually functioning in homosexual behavior and yet are doing these hateful things as well. All my empathy goes out the window once I hear that.
Lately I have come into contact with this type of internal homophobia online. At first I tried to be compassionate, I tried to be understanding... then I began to feel mentally assaulted, I became fed up and soon lost my patience. Sorry... but seriously there is something wrong with the way Americans see homosexuality, one hint is they are oblivious to the idea of bisexuality. I'm not trying to pick on my American friends but if I run into trouble with a homophobic guy, on a mostly GAY site, with HOMOSEXUAL and BISEXUAL men, so far it's going to be an American guy.
Allow me to fill in the blanks. I visit certain sites that are about male sexuality. There are discussion groups and the premise is completely about men, our equipment, what turns us on, off etc, etc. The pictures are focused on men and men's bodies. There is very very little about women here. Mostly the guys who take part are gay or at some level of bisexuality, there is also a smaller group that identify as straight. Like in the blog world, I have made online friends and we chat, this however is where the trouble can start.
First to be honest, you can call yourself what ever you like.. but I'm suspicious of the "straight" title in an all male forum about men. I say nothing so as not to offend, they could be on a journey of self discovery and this is part of their curiosity. I have these friends, they want to know about my sexual habits, they want to hear what it's like to have gay sex, they often send nude pictures of themselves and ask me what I think of them. Once comfortable with me, they confess to having gay sex with a high school friend, college roommate or while on a business trip with a colleague. They often "find" themselves in a "situation". Like the day they stayed in the gym sauna too long and "they don't know how it happened" but the next thing they know, they are having oral sex with another guy.
Then one day I started to notice them saying things like, "fruit or fruity" or "you're okay Steve.. for a gay guy" or "I'm not homophobic but I don't like most gay guys". WTF!!! I started to have enough with the homophobic bullcrap and began to point out, that it's not so 100% straight to be on a male only site, talking about penises and how they let their best friend blow them. I suggested that they think about this.
Melt down, total melt down! That's what began to happen when I would challenge any of these "straight" guys in their thinking. I guess I pulled the pin on their internal homophobic grenade because soon (sometimes within seconds) I would be unfriended and blocked! The seed I planted in their head caused an allergic reaction to thinking I assume. Again I noticed it was always with the American men. I spoke to some of the straight men from other countries and their attitude was more realistic. One guy from Australia said that he identified as straight because that describes him best but that he acknowledged it's not so straight, that he and his best friend like to watch porn together. I had that more realistic view from other countries as well, I know internal homophobia exists in all countries, it's just that all I have recently experienced were from one.
I lost my cool but I'm okay with that, don't call me "fruit or fruity" or tell me that "you're okay... for a gay guy Steve", when you have had more homosexual experiences than I have. Other gay men began to complain about the homophobia showing up as well, even the cool straight guys began to mention it. There were some good posts from the more sexually aggressive gay men, sort of buzz off, but buzz wasn't the word they used. I feel on a male sexuality site we are the alpha male, sometimes I want to post and say if you're so afraid of your sexuality go somewhere you feel safe. Just don't think you're going to get away with calling me fruit, when you have to repeat yourself because of the penis in your mouth!