Friday, January 17, 2020

Internal Homophobia, Projecting Externally.


 I have noticed the term [ internal homophobia] lately while reading posts on other blogs. Usually it has to do with some uptight guy, fighting tooth and nail against the LGBTQ community, being caught with his pants down... literally. Usually there is another guy (or two) involved, sometimes drugs, sometimes leather harness and sex toys. Most often however the guy is trying to frantically explain, how he thought his buddy was deflating and was just trying to help by blowing him back up again.

 I can understand being afraid to come out, I can understand being worried about rejection, I get it as that was me for a long time. What I don't get is the active harm towards the LGBTQ community that these people work towards. Stranger still is that many of these people (mostly gay/bi men) are involved with members of the same sex, they are actually functioning in homosexual behavior and yet are doing these hateful things as well. All my empathy goes out the window once I hear that.

 Lately I have come into contact with this type of internal homophobia online. At first I tried to be compassionate, I tried to be understanding... then I began to feel mentally assaulted, I became fed up and soon lost my patience. Sorry... but seriously there is something wrong with the way Americans see homosexuality, one hint is they are oblivious to the idea of bisexuality. I'm not trying to pick on my American friends but if I run into trouble with a homophobic guy, on a mostly GAY site, with HOMOSEXUAL and BISEXUAL men, so far it's going to be an American guy.

 Allow me to fill in the blanks. I visit certain sites that are about male sexuality. There are discussion groups and the premise is completely about men, our equipment, what turns us on, off etc, etc. The pictures are focused on men and men's bodies. There is very very little about women here. Mostly the guys who take part are gay or at some level of bisexuality, there is also a smaller group that identify as straight. Like in the blog world, I have made online friends and we chat, this however is where the trouble can start.

 First to be honest, you can call yourself what ever you like.. but I'm suspicious of the "straight" title in an all male forum about men. I say nothing so as not to offend, they could be on a journey of self discovery and this is part of their curiosity. I have these friends, they want to know about my sexual habits, they want to hear what it's like to have gay sex, they often send nude pictures of themselves and ask me what I think of them. Once comfortable with me, they confess to having gay sex with a high school friend, college roommate or while on a business trip with a colleague. They often "find" themselves in a "situation". Like the day they stayed in the gym sauna too long and "they don't know how it happened" but the next thing they know, they are having oral sex with another guy.

 Then one day I started to notice them saying things like, "fruit or fruity" or "you're okay Steve.. for a gay guy" or "I'm not homophobic but I don't like most gay guys". WTF!!! I started to have enough with the homophobic bullcrap and began to point out, that it's not so 100% straight to be on a male only site, talking about penises and how they let their best friend blow them. I suggested that they think about this.

 Melt down, total melt down! That's what began to happen when I would challenge any of these "straight" guys in their thinking. I guess I pulled the pin on their internal homophobic grenade because soon (sometimes within seconds) I would be unfriended and blocked! The seed I planted in their head caused an allergic reaction to thinking I assume. Again I noticed it was always with the American men. I spoke to some of the straight men from other countries and their attitude was more realistic. One guy from Australia said that he identified as straight because that describes him best but that he acknowledged it's not so straight, that he and his best friend like to watch porn together. I had that more realistic view from other countries as well, I know internal homophobia exists in all countries, it's just that all I have recently experienced were from one.

 I lost my cool but I'm okay with that, don't call me "fruit or fruity" or tell me that "you're okay... for a gay guy Steve", when you have had more homosexual experiences than I have. Other gay men began to complain about the homophobia showing up as well, even the cool straight guys began to mention it. There were some good posts from the more sexually aggressive gay men, sort of buzz off, but buzz wasn't the word they used. I feel on a male sexuality site we are the alpha male, sometimes I want to post and say if you're so afraid of your sexuality go somewhere you feel safe. Just don't think you're going to get away with calling me fruit, when you have to repeat yourself because of the penis in your mouth!

24 comments:

anne marie in philly said...

the ones who complain about LGBTQ people the most are they themselves closeted/on the DL/been caught.

(yes, I AM looking at YOU, republikkkunts!)

Deedles said...

Well said, Stevie! You're okay for a little kumquat :) Lest ye forget, this land was founded by genocidal Puritans.

Bob said...

Perfection, Steven.

And that last line was priceless.

Jimmy said...

What site is this? I'd like some dick pics!

You must remember there are frustrated sexual religious finatics all over this country.And, I've slept with quite a few next door to Billy Graham's house in North Carolina.

Praise Gezuz! (under the sheets)

RJ said...

I haven't heard fruit or fruity used in a long time.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Right on, Steven!

Old Lurker said...

Yor okah, Seevuh... forr a gayh guyh.

HuntleyBiGuy said...

Steven, you are one wise man. And kudos for not putting up with their crap. You may have heard of a little group we have down here called the log cabin republicans. A bunch of gay republicans of the conservative bent. They do everything they can to support that party no matter how much they legislate against them. If that’s not screwed up, I don’t know what is.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Oh, nothing more tightly wound as the American male.
Nothing more fragile that the notion American males have of masculinity.
Internalized homophobia is a chronic disease. Tied to gender expectations and puritanical notions of sex.
I’m glad you called on their bullshit. Way to go!

XoXo

Dave R said...

Interesting. We do have a serious issue with Republicans and Evangelicals needing a minority group to paint as a villain, though I honestly don't think Canada is that much different. Allusion always tends to be proprietary.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, around here as soon as a person starts aggressively speaking against gay people, everyone thinks, "he/she's uncomfortable with his/her same sex attractions".

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles... and you're okay too.. for a straight person! :D
Awwww, no one ever called me a little kumquat before! Hahaha!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, thanks buddy, I just couldn't handle the bull doodoo anymore.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, sounds like maybe you have seen enough d...!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, neither have I and it came from younger men.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Debra, I felt like mentally slapping faces...lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Hahaha! You really cracked me up with this Lurky! :D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

HuntleyBiGuy, yes I have heard of the Log cabin, I could understand being conservative minded but not to the point of being harmful to your own cause.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, always insightful. Yes still tied to the religious ideas of sex and what a man is supposed to be.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dave, don't get me wrong, we have people here that absolutely love dump and his government, we are definitely not all nice people. The difference up here most other people look at them as weird. There are guys that are confused about sexuality but usually not to the degree I was running into.

Mistress Maddie said...

Well as usual, I am not on any sort of sites like those.... but have dealt with these types. I have no problem being a villain. I have never trusted very many straight guys...very few. They will stab you in the back. But back when a guy wanted to full around and said straight. I said no thanks.

I'm going back into my hole now...I've been enjoying it and other things...I need a few more weeks.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie who???

Old Lurker said...

Oh please. As if you have not been crying yourself to sleep every night, shaking uncontrollably due to the "From the Candy Shop" withdrawals.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

It's part of my resolution Lurker... no candy!