Blogging, it's a numbers game.

 Some days I feel that I have been neglecting my blog; however when I check it out, I have usually blogged within the last day or two. I try to keep it active, I think some readers get into a routine of following certain bloggers and like to see that there is a new post. I am the same way, I have a routine of who I check out and enjoy reading. I'm not sure about how the stats work but I seem to have doubled my readers lately, I don't know if those are actual numbers because the people who comment are my usual blog buddies, that hasn't changed much.

 My feeling of neglect towards the blog is unfounded, just out of my own curiosity I looked at my past numbers of posts per year. This year actually had the highest number of posts at 270, I think maybe I had a goal of 300 but I don't want to be posting just to reach a silly goal. I was surprised when I looked back, with the exception of last year at 221 posts, most other years I didn't even reach a hundred posts.

 Sometimes the numbers tell their own story. In 2007 I started my blog, I was already friends with bloggers by then and wanted to give blogging a try. It was a really big deal back then, especially for gay people supporting each other through the coming out process. I started late that August but wrote 67 posts that year, it was a great way to express my thoughts. The following year 2008 was my big year, I met Dan and people followed me through my first real full on relationship with 134 posts. Suddenly I saw that number drop to 32 posts in 2009... and of course sadly that was when dad became ill and later died. The following year was one post and I wish I had been able to blog for the following four years. Things were crazy with mom, I had a terrible job but even worse, things between Dan and I went south, I really could have used some advice or a shoulder to lean on.

 I started a better job in 2014 and attempted to blog again but at 8 posts... meh not a come back story. The following year I went up to 71 posts. Again I noticed a sudden drop in 2016 at only 45 posts. There were a lot of issues that year that I didn't feel I could share and so I kept them to myself, I really struggled with overwhelming sadness that year. The following year post numbers came back up as I worked through my problems.

 I just realized that I never was a very dedicated blogger, I only imagined that I was, so I don't have to feel guilty about not posting, apparently I've always been a blog slacker. My overall numbers are only 940 published posts with four sitting in draft. I think Dr Spo celebrated something like three or four thousand posts recently, I haven't even reach one thousand!

 I have to be honest and say that I no longer use this blog to get my thoughts out, I don't feel comfortable anymore saying what is bothering me or weighing on my mind. A lot of it is just too serious, too personal and even too dark at times. I think that I have shifted the blog more towards the social side of blogging and I'm okay with that for now. I think I'm going to post less this year but we will see, every time I think I will take a break, I post more. I guess my muse feel less pressure and become chatty Cathys.