Sunday, January 12, 2020
81 years.
This weekend my mom turned 81. Unfortunately because of the weather yesterday and today I was not able to see her. It actually won't matter to her but it mattered to me, I felt a touch lonely not seeing her. It feels almost startling to say my mother is 81, that's a lot of years, that's a lot of time gone by. It's also very difficult to convince people that she had me at 51... but you guys believe me right... right?
It's sad that I don't really feel this is a great marker or age for her to have reached, more like a cruel mocking in life. There is nothing wrong with 81, all I have to do is look at her older sister of 82. A real active person and still sharp as a tack with her thinking, 80 is the new 65 really applies in her case. They were very similar only mom was more independent from people and my aunt was more social. My aunt and uncle came home for Christmas because they have grandchildren. Just before the new year, they DROVE back down to spend the winter in the states, as they have since retirement. Mom on the other hand will have to be fed like a baby today and tomorrow and the next day and...
The number 81 seems like a number I should be talking about regarding a grandparent and not a parent. I will give her a card, she will forget what it is as soon as I finish the sentence, "it's your birthday card". Eighty one also signals me that I'm not a teenager, twenty something or thirty year old, it's almost comical that I'm the one thinking about getting old on my mother's birthday. Sigh, sighhhh! From a little girl on the farm to all your life adventures and back almost to a little girl again, happy birthday mom, I will see you soon.
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40 comments:
Happy birthday, Steven's mom. You have a good son.
Happy Birthday to your Mom. May she find a bit of delight in each day.
I envy the relationship you have with your mom. I was never close to my mon. You are a good man.
Happy Birthday to your mom.
ya gotta wonder...why your mom is ill and her sister is not. genetic markers? stay safe up there. visit your mom when you can.
Happy Birthday to your Mum.
I am 75 in a few days but can't believe it. My mother had me when she was 24, my first brother when she was 27 and then Mum and Dad surprised us with another brother when she was 44!
Happy Bday to your mother!
And of course we believe she had you at 51!
Now that you mention it, the passing of time on others does remind us of time passing for us! You feel it thinking that 81 should be an age for a grandparent. Others (like me) feel it when the baby whose diapers you changed turns fifteen or finishes high school. LIfe, Steven. Life.
XOXO
Age is just a number.
Years back at a family reunion I met my Great=Great-grandmother. She was 91 at the time. She lived on her own and still had a job … driving the bus for the Senior Citizens Center. Yes, as she said, she drove the "old" folks around.
Carlos' Aunt Gloria in 93 and has not stopped going and doing and seeing.
Other people turn 60 and sit-down.
It's what you make of it.
Happy birthday to your glorious mother. She raised a wonderful caring son. Life is a crap shoot. We don’t know what path it will take. I like to believe that genetics plays some part, but how we live our lives can influence the path. Your aunt who was social and interactive with those around her is still going strong. Does this help? I like to think so.
Like Bob said, some people sit down and fail to keep engaged. People need to read, move and LIVE. Sitting in front of the tv or other devices all day is not healthy. Get out, get a pet, keep moving. Don’t let the brain atrophy.
My Mom died at 86. She had serious dementia for the last 2 years of her life. She remembered my sister, my brother, and myself; everyone else was a blank. We have survived so long as a species by dealing with issues and moving on. I am very good at that. Be nice to your Mom, but don't forget she's been gone for a long time now.
Thank you Lurky.
Thank you Debra, that's a sweet wish you gave her.
Richard, as a gay man I have to confess to being mommy's boy. Upset little me and you had to deal with a lioness.
Thank you Jimmy.
Anne Marie, yes apparently it's a reverse lottery where you lose the game. Her youngest brother also has it at the same level and he's only 75. The two oldest brothers at 84 and 86 are still sharp in their thinking.
JanF, but you sound 39 in your comments... lol. I hope you have a great birthday when it comes and thank you for mom's birthday wishes.
Sixpence, yes life. The little boy that I used to babysit in my early twenties, turned thirty this year and has a little boy of his own now... eeeek! Thank you Six.
Bob, I actually think that statement is bogus. Age is just a number unless your number is up. I heard a doctor finally speak the truth the other day. He said eat healthy, stay active, don't abuse your body with smoking, drugs or heavy drinking and unfortunately the rest is just luck. The people who reach 100 and are still active, just lucked out with a good combination of genes.
HuntleyBiGuy, unfortunately when someone gets cancer or Alzheimer's disease, we fear getting it and look for a reason. They must have smoked or didn't read or... There are many many healthy type people getting cancer, there are many intelligent active people getting dementia. That startles us, it means it could happen to us. Some things we can help, some is just bad luck.
Dave, yes that's why I felt mixed emotions, mom reached 81 but big deal, she is so ill that she is like a two year old. That's no life, honestly it would have been better for her to die younger leading a normal life to the end like dad.
How funny that you picked that number! Our only child, our daughter, is 39 and is much more grown up than I ever was or will be!
JanF, that's because I heard she had great parents. ; )
Steven, I'm going to leave this here because I need to. You may delete it if you like, I just need to let it out and I'm too lazy for a journal :) . My mons...er, mother would've been 81 next month. She's been gone since Dec. 1993. This isn't about her. This is about one of my surrogate mothers. I've known her since she was my age, over 20 years now. She was sent home from the hospital last Friday because she is too old, small and fragile to survive an operation to repair an aorta or some such. They've given her 2 days to 2 weeks to live. She is lucid and feisty as ever. Her husband of 65 years comes from white privilege while she is Japanese. She stands about four feet ten while he is six-seven I believe. She rules! She rocks! She always hugs me and sniffs deeply at my neck because she loves my perfume. She's outlived her bigoted wretched mother-in-law. I'm gonna miss her, and I think I may have to wear a different scent for awhile. She is only 85. She will live in my heart for as long as I am breathing, which is more than I can say about my flesh and blood mother. Thanks for letting me do this Steven. I wish your mother's time to go by without pain or suffering. Keep her in your heart, she seems like one of the good ones.
Happy Birthday to you and you mom, Steven. You can celebrate it for her, but I wish she could know how much we all think of her son. But I'm sure she's known that since you were a little boy.
Happy Birthday to your beautiful at any age mother! My mother will turn 92 next month and she's still going strong. She's an artist and spends time in her studio every day.
You say that it won't matter to your mother that you didn't come for her birthday, but on some level it mattered...on some level she's still in there. You're a good son and your mother loves you. Remember that always!
Deedles: Wow that's tough. There are advantages to not dying in a hospital (especially not in an operating room) but that is still so tough. I hope you are able to spend some time with your surrogate mom while she is still alive.
Thanks, Lurkster. Yeah, she has so many friends visiting that they had to put a sign on the door just so the family can get a little rest. Visitors are nice, but they can be exhausting for the dying :)
Well, priorities is priorities. During the next set of visiting hours, you can muscle your way in and push everyone else aside.
a friends father was also in you mothers condition. never remembered her or her dropping in. the doctor once asked her why she kept coming all these years to see her father, and he never remembers her, why bother? and she said because i will remember.
My mom is 85 and still drives to South Carolina from upstate NY for the winter. She amazes me. I don't know if it is fate or what. I do know that when we get old, we must not stop living, and like Bob said, "to sit".
Deedles, I'm happy that at least you had a mother figure in your life. Now comes the most heartbreaking time of all, the time to say goodbye. Nothing will be the same after.
Vivian, thank you so much for your sweet words, I appreciate them.
Mildred, how interesting about your mother, I hope she is still going strong well past 100!
I was able to go today as the weather cleared up.
Deedles, that's a true point, visitors are exhausting on the dying.
Michael, yes I'm very much in agreement with Bob there. Dad would have been still very active as would have mom. It only feels more unfair when I see someone sitting around that was never any good to anyone.
I think I missed someone, unless it's just Lurky giving Deedles support... nice Lurky that's why I have a soft spot for you. Under all that grumpiness, there's... well still a lot more grumpiness and to be honest probably another six or more feet after that but eventually you will reach... wait what were we talking about again?
You missed Anita!
Thanks Lurks, something must have happened when I hit send, I responded but it poofedappeared!
Yes Anita, it's important for me to keep an eye out for mom. Actually she will sometimes realize when one of us hasn't been around for a while. Actually I think it's Maddie you are thinking about! I'm sure he said that to me.
Thank you, that was kind of you. I'd certainly like to believe we are.
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