The other day I stopped in to see mom, she was in good spirits and was enjoying watching the Olympics with the other ladies. I had a short meeting with the woman who owns the place and all seemed well this week. She told me she had something for me to take home. It seems mom keeps taking her rings off and leaves them all over, almost losing them down the sink a few times. It was her engagement and wedding rings, she had a clasp made for them years ago but somehow managed to get it off. The woman explained that mom no longer asked for the rings and would not miss them. I agreed it was best for me to bring them home. I finished my visit with mom, took care of some details with the staff and headed home.
As I was putting things away after coming home, I felt the little packet in my shirt and pulled it out to safely place in a drawer. When I saw the rings, it hit me like a ton of bricks and a wave of sadness washed over me. These rings I knew well, I saw them a million times and until this moment, I never saw them off my mother's hand before. They were sacred, never to be removed, they represented my parents promise to each other, their love for each other. Now however her illness took that meaning away, these rings hold no value to her, she didn't even notice them gone, what ever tiny fraction of love she had left for dad was finally gone. My face did that screw up thing, you know when you're going to cry but you're trying not to, my eyes filled but I stopped, I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of these "ending" moments. I placed the rings in a drawer and said goodbye to mom and dad as a couple.
Later as I was walking through a hall I saw something that made me smile, a symbol of my dad's love for mom, a symbol that keeps on living, a symbol that people ask me about and I get to tell the story.
One weekend my Dad had been out, I don't remember if it was Valentine's day or mother's day but that weekend was freezing cold. Not having any large stores nearby, he knew that he needed to take this opportunity to buy mom a gift. He bought her a card and beautiful bouquet of flowers but then he realized that he had no place to hide the flowers so he would have to give them to her, two days too early as he couldn't leave them outside anywhere. Mom being mom teased him about getting her card and flowers too early but was pleased and thanked him. After all he was a farmer and the earlier farmers were not known for being romantic. On the morning of the special day, when mom sat down to eat breakfast, Dad pulled out this absolutely adorable little cactus in a tiny ceramic pot. He still felt that he needed to give her something on that day and so bought the cactus when he bought the flowers, being small, he was able to hide it until that morning. We laughed so much, I liked the way Dad started to let his softer side shine as he got older. My mom loved that little cactus, she enjoyed telling that story to people when they asked about it, especially after my father died, now it's a living memory of their bond and I get to tell the story.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
20 comments:
Beautiful! This made me cry.
you tell the story well, and it warms my heart
The first part of your story makes me feel very sad.
The second part makes me hope that somebody buys you a tiny cactus someday.
I too enjoyed that story. My mother is going to be 75 and doesn't look like it at all. She still works for cripes sake. She said it is what's keeping her young, while most of her friends are either gone, or in bad shape. She long stopped wearing her wedding ring when my father passed. They were not so close so your parents.
Walter, you softie, that's what I like about you! Hugs!
Raven, thank you for the kind words.
Ravens are very cool birds, I have a friendship with one, they have major trust issues which is a good thing to have around people.
Mr Lurker, it was a really sad moment but I find I need to grab onto better moments, like I said, I'm tired of always feeling sad and really, there is no benefit to it. Maybe I will start a tradition of cactus giving instead of roses!
Thank you Maddie, that's great to hear that your mother is still active. That's one of the hard things about mom with Alzheimer's, even though she is still alive, I have actually lost both parents.
Your story was beautiful and moving. You are a good writer and when you share the stories of you and your family, it as if I am there looking in. Thank you for sharing it.
good for your father !
Michael 54, thank you, this blog is a good outlet for things that build up inside. This is the reason I do it, a bit like therapy. Sometimes as well, I think there may be someone going through the same things and maybe they won't feel alone if they read my blog.
Dr Spo, as I get older, I appreciate my father more and more.
Memories are made of these things. Long may you remember them, and tell us about them.
JP
JP, thank you. It's funny but most times I think I had a very dull life, as I get older I see all these little moments that I didn't think much of when they happened but now make me smile.
I began the afternoon reading my friend David's blog which was an lovely tribute to a dear friend who had died and a description of her memorial service. It was lovely and I was moved to tears. I followed that with your post and was moved once again to tears. But in both cases they were not tears of sadness but of lives and loves well lived by two sets of very different people. I said to David and I will say here: Live remarkably led and remarkably remembered.
Thanks you
Thank you Will, your comments mean a lot to me. I have decided to look for things to give me the strength to handle what life is throwing at me now.
Steve would you mind if I linked to your post from my blog? If you'd rather not I understand.
Will, sure you may link to your blog, I don't mind. You might damage your respectable blog reputation however. Lol
Hi, I came over via the link on Willym's blog Your story resonated with me because of the wedding ring. My widowed Mom is fading away with dementia as well. A few years ago the nursing home gave me her wedding ring in a little white envelope "for safekeeping" because her hands are now so small and frail that it might slip off and be lost. My parents never had the happiest of marriages, yet I cannot bring myself to throw that ring away.
Hello Debra, I have the same dilemma now as what to do with the rings. I think the correct thing for me is to keep them until mom passes and place them back on her finger, it's what my "real" mom would want me to do. I don't know your situation but if your mother did not remove the ring when she was well, you may want to consider doing the same.
Post a Comment