I know as far as the gay culture goes, I am pretty boring. I know that I'm missing out on a lot. I also know that I don't contribute much of anything. Some of this is due to my personality, some due to being lazy, especially in winter, I try to put everything off until spring or summer.
I am curious about the way other gay men lead their lives. I like to read and watch videos about aspects of the gay culture, the parts of the culture that I would never take part in. One thing I became curious about is the popularity among gay men to mix drugs and sex. I don't personally get the idea, I have heard all the reasons, I guess our head spaces are on different planets.
I happened to watch some homemade porn videos, the guys were using different types of drugs and having sex. I watched with an open mind, I figured it was probably going to be some pretty uninhibited wild gay sex. I could see the appeal of doing something like that. After a few minutes I noticed something in most of the videos, they were boring. The odd thing was these guys were saying things like "this is f...ing wild" or "f...ing awesome" but what I really saw was a bunch of guys that were so out of it, that they couldn't get hard or couldn't stay hard, all the while saying how hot the sex was because they were too stoned to know the difference. I am not writing this as judgment, it's just me thinking, maybe this is not as fun as you think it is.
I used to wonder if the hook up and kink lifestyles in the gay culture had something to do with the way we were treated, the way we had to hide, the way we had to live in a very homophobic world. I don't think that way any longer, the new gay generations becoming adults have just as many people on the wild side as the older generations. It's just now the marry and settle down types get to be visible as well. I also am starting to no longer think this is a gay thing, it's a guy thing. There are a lot of straight men into hooking up or bizarre sex, just they were hiding it better until the internet showed up. I think a lot of the behavior is some form of addiction, it's not healthy or maybe I am wrong, maybe that is just their personality.
It may sound strange but I couldn't help feeling sorry for those guys in the videos, their reality wasn't real. I think they are missing out on life but they wouldn't understand what I mean. They would tell me to f... off and think I am really boring, which I am and from what I saw in some of the videos, I'm ok with that.
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17 comments:
I too never got into drugs. Never understood the party and play thing. If I have sex, I want to remember and enjoy the feeling, not to mention have the equipment working like it should. What a scary life to lead.
I'm boring too. I don't party and play. I have smoked pot (makes me silly and useless and turns a commercial into a documentary for me); I've tried ecstasy (at a circuit party) and that was...interesting (until the morning after). I don't know what drives other people to do this sort of thing. Addiction? Perhaps. Boredom? Doubt it. It's an itch they need to scratch to get the edge off – someone I dated once told me. These days I prefer boring. Cuddling boring. Kissing boring. Let's have coffee in bed boring. It suits my personality. All I wish for is someone to be boring with.
>> I used to wonder if the hook up and kink lifestyles in the gay culture had something to do with the way we were treated, the way we had to hide, the way we had to live in a very homophobic world. <<
I think it's an obsession with transgression, if you see what I mean: a mentality that, for whatever reason, assumes that "fun" is only so if it's whatever the rest of the world might disapprove of. But where that impulse comes from, I don't know.
Maddie, yes I totally feel the same way, sex is a pretty great life experience and I want to be fully aware and enjoy the full sensation. Even though it's not often enough but that's another post lol. I also don't want anything that could interfere with little steve from working properly, he would never forgive me! Scary yes because you could wake-up from doing something that you really regret.
Walter, sometimes I drink a little before but that's to relax, just one drink. I think we are on the same page, cuddling is f...ing wild to me lol. I personally need a connection to the person to enjoy myself.
Autolycus, very interesting, I agree! I was actually thinking of calling the post something along the lines of "You bore me" but I thought that would sound rude, my meaning to the title would have been, many of those type of people look down on the average Joe but their actions are very cliche, so yes excellent point.
It sounds to me like the guys in the video were doing meth. I've seen videos online of guys using meth and trying to have sex. It's rather scary. In an age of social media, comparing your life to others can make one feel like their life is not as fun. It's your life and I'm sure it's a good one. It's not like other people's lives but it's your life.
rjjs, I think some of the videos were meth actually. To be honest I don't know very much about drugs, maybe that sounds funny or naive, I was never interested in knowing anything about drugs. I just want to say however I really appreciated your post the other day where you blogged about some of your experiences. I understand as well some people will lead that type of life no matter what, they can't be like me and I get that. I just feel awful that maybe they are looking for "something" and are looking in the wrong place. I'm ok with what I'm doing, I have no desire to sample that part of gay culture.
Normal life here
Sex, laughing, arguing, coping, living, eating, talking, whatever......lives just like any other
John, and when I read about your life that is when I get envious, I think you have a great life, yours is the one I get excited about, the kind of life I want for myself, well minus the skid marks and I would try to be nicer to cashiers.
I am boring too. I have never really been into drugs as I am pretty health conscious and I don't want to put something into my system that could do damage. Like Walter, I just wish I had someone to be boring with. Murphy the dog is a great companion but he doesn't talk much!
Michael 54, same here buddy. Maybe we should start an online gay dating site for boring gay people! That's the thing driving me crazy, there are probably guys just like us in each of our areas, it's just to find a way to meet them.
I figure you are too innocent to have seen much pornography in your life, so I will let you in on a secret: almost all porn is boring. As such, it does not surprise me much that guys on drugs sometimes have boring sex.
As for sex being an addiction or transgressive: one memorable book that touches on this is called The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs. It is worth a read if you can find it.
For a fellow allegedly boring you write marvelous prose and have an audience of readers who do not find you boring at all.
Mr Lurker, I agree, porn is really boring and doesn't do very much for me. I usually watch the homemade stuff on line, ( for research of course) I like when you can tell a couple are really into each other, (no pun intended). I have heard of that book before, I may try to find it, it's probably on line.
Dr Spo, actually my readers feel sorry for me and when ever they are feeling bad about themselves, they read my blog and think "whew, at least I am not that Steve guy"! Lol, you are kind.
Dr Spo, tongue firmly planted!
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