There is no benefit to worrying about something that may or may not happen. Sometimes that is easier said than done. I recently read a piece about a young man trying to find love in the city where I work. He spoke about the difficulty in finding someone and naturally it makes me reflect on my own situation. I don't want to be alone, I want to be with someone. I am not picky but he has to be decent, I have no intention of settling for someone just to have a boyfriend. After the last guy, I need to feel that I can trust the new person. I can't get hurt like that again, he really broke my heart, it was late in life but he was my first love. I had never felt that way about someone before, I would really love to find that feeling again, it's a part of the answer to that "meaning of life" question I feel.
I try not to get down about it but when I read other blogs and they are going through the same issues, it's troubling. Many of you are in big cities, many of you have much more interesting lives than I do and most of you have a much more active social life than I do. I can't help thinking, if these guys can't find love, what chance do I have. I don't need someone to go skydiving in Brazil with, I just want someone who hands me a cup of tea because he made himself some and gives me one, no questions asked because he loves me. I want that look, when someone loves you, there is a look that they give you, it's reserved for you and only you. Sometimes you will catch him staring at you in a crowded room, he will smile and you know what the look means, when he does it, at times you feel dizzy, sometimes like little shocks in your stomach or even like your legs will collapse from under you. When you have someone like this, things just feel whole and life feels lived to a fuller extent. Finding that person and being in love with that person is part of the answer to the meaning of life.
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16 comments:
You took the thoughts right out of my head. You wanna move to FL?
XO
Beautifully put, brings tears. Most of us want that cup of tea and glance from across the room but we don't know how to get there.
Forty-two years ago, at 25, I had similar thoughts. I had resigned myself to a life of living alone (I started to write loneliness, but that is not the same thing.) I didn't even know what to look for, too afraid to try. Back then there were no models to follow, no social apps for meeting people. Just noisy bars and dirty restrooms, or so it seemed to me. Then, June 16, 1976, Washington, DC: my coworker invited me home for dinner, her husband invited his co-worker. That's how I met my cup of tea, when I least expected it. We've been together ever since. It was not a fairy tale romance, it was not always easy, I made many mistakes. But the efforts to keep it going have paid off.
Hang in there, Sooo-this -is-me, your cup of tea will come.
(Not nice to make an old man cry)
I saw this recently "I want a person who comes into my life by accident, and stays on purpose." I rather be single than be in a relationship with the wrong person.
Sometimes I wonder whether you realize just how much city slickers crave your rural existence. The smell of manure in the fresh country air! The sound of tractors and other farm implements at 5am! Being threatened by wolves while hanging up Christmas tree lights!
The reality is that you are living the country dream. City slickers try to run away from cities to pursue that dream, and they end up trapped in dreary suburbs that promise pastoral living and deliver ugly residential developments with tiny yards. In contrast, you ave a barn.
I have said it before and I will say it again: you are a catch. I am certain that you can snag yourself a man who is kind, will make you tea, will have sex with you at least once every two months, and would be delighted to live in the country with you. You can do it!
Now my story is much different. When I came out I always dated or had a boyfriend till I had two long-term relationships. Now, I want my time to have fun and aren't ready to settle yet again. But when I do, I fear I'll be in the shoes then of what you speak. Makes me wonder if I should start to settle now, but I don't want to forced. I want it to be like your way.....when and if it happens.
Walter, can we go see Mickey Mouse?
Mike, thank you for that sweet story, sometimes I need to hear those gay love stories, now stop crying you big baby! Lol
RJ, I totally agree with you, my first boyfriend was a good guy but I didn't love him. I kept telling myself that would change but it never did, I always felt guilty and promised myself never to do that again. I love that ad for a boyfriend, very romantic.
Mr Lurker, the problem is I am too remote, it makes it hard to meet people. We have a saying in the country, it's too bad that farming wasn't as romantic as the idea of farming. Once people have to start traveling a lot, they suddenly rethink everything.
Maddie, enjoy yourself now, you seem very gregarious and I think would not have trouble finding someone. If you don't feel like settling down... don't! It's just that I am the type of person who wants to, this is the path for me, I think you want a different type of path, neither one is correct or incorrect. One is my path the other is your path that's all.
Sure, you're remote. You are going to be remote even if you are in a small town, because it is likely that your boyfriend will have to travel for work to the big city. So if you want to rule out travel as a factor you are looking to move to the city as well.
Also: you saw on the hookup apps that there are some eligible gay men near you. Also you found a FWB in the country, and he liked you so much he fell in love with you. I agree that the dating pool will be smaller, but that is not necessarily bad given that you DON'T want to be in the city. In the meantime, living in the country is a selling point that makes you stand out from the crowd.
Also you should plan your next vacation for Miami to meet Walter.
There is not much greener grass - if any - in the cities.
Most of the time people in cities are far more lonely than thems who are not.
Mr Lurker, the guys on hookup apps are not husband material; however I see your point and agree in a different way. If there are hookup types of gays around, there must be relationship types of gays around. I didn't know how to find them... until now! Lol something has come up and I think I will give it a try.
What if I meet Walter and fall in love but he hates me!!! Long distance romances are for Hollywood or maybe for the birds.
Dr Spo, I would say there is more grass in the city to choose from but that sounds funny! I know people are lonely everywhere, it's because no one is accommodating anymore, everyone feels life is all about them and their own needs, they are not willing to share.
So long as you are willing to share - painful as that often is - you will be open to allow others to do so.
Dr Spo, I hate it when you're right! Lol
I can understand what you mean about living in the country vs. the city. I live in a rural area myself and the opportunities aren't really the same as if one is in a city. But I have to hold on to the belief that if it is meant to happen, it will. I always appreciate your posts. I have been incognito for a week or so and I am catching up!
Hello Michael, to be honest we have to make it happen, especially as we get older buddy, no one is out searching for us, we have to find them.
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