Thursday, January 3, 2019
Resolutions, dating & other bull.
I don't do new year resolutions but if I did I think I know exactly which ones to pledge to. I know that I often spend way too much time on line. Out here can be lonely and I often feel like I have stepped into a room full of friends when I get online. In my mind I am connected to society, I'm no longer alone. I don't "think" I am addicted to being on line, I actually "know" that I am addicted, to the point where it interferes with my daily life, to the point of costing me a lot of money. Yesterday was a good example, I wanted to send a simple text to a friend, he is on his way to warmer climates for the winter and I wished him good luck. That was at 9:45 am, before I shut my phone off, I wanted to check out a few blogs and send a couple of emails. After a few minutes, I felt that I was starving, I wondered to myself, "what time is it anyway"? It was 2:05 pm, I couldn't believe my eyes, what did I just do.
My other thing to get on top of is my eating habits. Not dieting but diet, I used to be really good at watching what I ate. I remember when I got tested about eight years ago, the doctor told me that I had the lowest cholesterol levels he had ever seen in a person, he said to keep doing what I was doing. Unfortunately I didn't, now I would be afraid to see those numbers. As I become more youth challenged and pro couch potato, those are a combination that doesn't mix well.
I was emailing with a blog buddy yesterday, in my view he has taken on the roll of the older brother I never had, a reflective, sensible and incredibly handsome older brother. I was telling him about how one of my new gay acquaintances, let's call him Adam, (I will say acquaintance because we're not at a friend level yet) started to hint at "something" between us. I kind of joked back but at the same time not a joke. Adam messaged me a really nice message about how he sees me and about us clicking together, then he also said a few really cool and erotic things to me. My blog buddy joked maybe things were looking good for 2019, I was hoping. I messaged back to Adam that I think he is very attractive, a great guy and that I am interested in getting to know him better. He never got back to me, I know he was on line, I know he read my message, I just don't get people these days. If it was reversed I would immediately reply, either yes let's go further or no I'm not ready, interested or whatever but at least I would reply. There is nothing he can do now to repair that mistrust, it shows me that he is clearly not boyfriend material, people are so weird.