I have become friends with a younger man in the city. We haven't met in person yet but soon we will. We click on a certain level because I think we have similar views. He is a recent immigrant and his view towards the gay culture is a lot like mine. We are both a little old fashioned, we are both looking for friends or a potential date and not just a quick hookup like most of the other gay men on any dating site.
We were talking the other day about how hard it is to meet gay men even just for friendship. He was saying how shallow he found a lot of gay men, especially him being an immigrant, many try to take advantage of the situation, I couldn't disagree, he felt they only think of sex, again what could I say, if you go by evidence, well he is right again. He was saying how hard he found it that all his friends, cousins and brothers are getting married plus starting families. He is feeling left behind. He said to me, "you know the gay is not good, being the gay is really lonely most times". What could I say, I feel the same way.
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I will have to agree to a point. A huge part of the meeting and being accepted thing is a geographic thing to a point. if you live in a far out place it is very hard to meet people. I lucked out in the area I live. The Philadelphia and New Hope area is very open and welcoming. I have witnessed all types of men come into lounges or pubs or other venues where everybody will talk to everyone. I have a close friend who is rather awkward socially and even he has met many people for at least friendship.
But go to the Washington DC area and it is all about status, who you know, what clubs you go to, what designers you wear, and very snobbish. One reason you hardly hear of me going there. I have no problems talking and mingling when out, and even I have a problem meeting people there. And if they do, they just want to go back to my room or their place for sex. If I lived there, I'd be in your shoes. New Hope where I live is amazing and accepts and welcomes all. I love it and have no plans to move.
Hopefully you guys can have a good friendship. I can't even imagine being in his shoes with the added immigrant angle.
Maddie, maybe I am wrong but your friendly situation sounds like the exception and not the norm. Judging by the comments of gay email friends from all over it seems my experience is common. One thing I find frustrating however is all the men who complain about being lonely and yet come up with every excuse not to meet. People make such a big deal of nothing. Just jump in your car, bus or bike, get to a coffee shop, meet, talk, laugh... it should be that simple.
Sounds like you've made a friend, Steven. I have been too long out of the dating pool to make a meaningful comment but I can believe the Gay scene in DC is snobby and difficult to crack. I met my husband there in 1976 through mutual work friends. In fact, almost all of my friends were made at work, and not many at that.
You are right about the email thing. When I met people on the sites when I was going that route, we would talk and have plans to meet. Same story. Want to meet up , talk and hopefully become friends or see if a dating relationship would start. Most would say the lonely thing too. But then a no show. It always puzzled me.
The only thing I can figure is it's a fear of the unknown and rejection factor. But if friendship is in the forefront going in, I still don't see why they don't show up...makes no sense. It's the reason I now enjoy just meeting face to face. Every person I know now, I met unplanned and casually being out. Most I have know now for years.
And your right about my area. I take the ease of openness and friendliness for granted at times. When my friends come here they say they never have seen anything like it.
@ Mike. Your right. I in all my travels feel the gay community there is very segregated and hard to crack. One of the clicky cities I have ever sensed. My friend who moved there lives right off Dupont Circle in a lovely home, about 6 years ago and still complains just how hard it is to meet people. Dating or friends...And he is very outgoing. He'd be depressed if not for all the travel he does.
Mike, I know we are not supposed to stereotype but it depends on the type of work. I was thinking Maddie meets all these gay men became he is in fashion, design etc. I work with engineers, the only gay one is a woman.
Maddie, when you were away my first coffee date ended in a no show... and he was the one that kept pushing to meet!!!
Whew, Maddie I am so glad that I tricked you into our marriage, otherwise if I really had to date this would be hard.
LOL!!!!!!!!! I will bring out your wild side and you can bring out my tame side!!!! Where would that place us in bed? lol!!!!!!
So sorry to hear about the date.... that is just out right ignorant someone wouldn't show up. But proves my point. What harm would a friendly conversation be? He was probably after sex and got a closer offer I bet. Your probably to sweet for him anyway.
Maddie, I am not sure where that places us in bed but just remember my rule, the handcuffs don't come off until I am completely satisfied.... lol!!!
Thanks Maddie, I was looking forward to meeting him, after five minutes I just knew he was never going to show up. :(
That was hurtful.
Steven,
I understand what you mean. I too live in a rural area, and it is a bit on the conservative side as well. Hopefully you and your immigrant friend can give each other support.
If you want to meet FRIENDS rather than shag mates
You just have to do so clearly and assertively from the start
Plain and simple
Hold on mister. Didn't you say you would marry me? Now you're stringing along two men.
Michael, he is another one that is hard to pin down, (no pun intended) but at least he is friendly.
John I am but they want to shag only. That's an awesome word, thanks Brita for inventing it! Lol
RJ yes but Maddie didn't ask me to sign a prenuptial agreement and he secretly is giving me "the lad" as a wedding gift so you snooze you lose!
Go with Maddie. I think you're more of a Theory guy than Robert Graham. Maddie can explain this to you.
RJ, you didn't even try to fight for me :(....
Theory is nice but a little too "gay-ish" for me, oops can I say that? Robert Graham would look great on Maddie, not so much on me. Who's Richard?
RJ = Richard
"the handcuffs don't come off until I am completely satisfied.... "
I like the way you think.
Now Theory clothing is very basic, and clean and up to date, modern... I have several pieces. It's great for guys with smaller frames too. Robert Graham is nice but actually not me, can you believe it? It's to loud and too much pattern for me and usually runs to big for me.
I was thinking when we marry we can help each other into Theory suits with the Lads help of course. But after the wedding we will have to figure out who is huh, well who's one first and who's on second and so forth. lol!
Now we can't leave Richard out. He can come to live with us all. It will be a harem Steven. You now have three guys!!!
This sounds like a fantastic wedding! Maddie you do all the planning because it will be gorgeous, knowing you guys I don't think I will survive the honeymoon but that's ok, what a way to go right!
You really have an issue with jets flying over your head!
it looks like you have good advice and support here already; I a late to join the conga line.
Dr Spo, you can lead, just let me grab you by the a... hips. O.O
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