Violent suggestions, hey that sounds like a cool name for a rock band, in my dream world I would be the lead singer... but I can't sing so back to this world. Normally I am a passive person, quiet and kind but I have to admit it, I hate hate hate pigeons, well not all pigeons, just the ones that insist on coming to my balcony and crapping everywhere! I mean really, how can a one pound bird expel about six pounds of gooey, greenish-gray, yogurt like plops all over the place in a matter of minutes. I can't tell you how many times I went out on the balcony and suddenly realized that I wasn't wearing any shoes. This battle has been going on for almost five years now and I am becoming war weary, not only is there the goo factor, there is the mating call of the male at four in the morning. The male flies to a balcony and begins his aaarooah aaarooah aaarooah to call a female to come and make a nest. The trouble is a male bird will come to almost every balcony in the morning here, there are 72 balconies on my side of the building alone, the noise can drive a person mad in spring at times. I tried at first to be the nature friendly guy, getting 'along' with the so called wild life that make their homes in the city. I was told to put up those plastic grocery bags, the idea people assured me, was that the bags would blow in the wind and frighten away the birds. I cleaned my balcony spotless for the hundredth time and put up the bags in places that would give me the best shock and awe factor I could get from them. When I came home that evening, I went to my door expecting to see a nice clean balcony. Imagine my disbelief in seeing two pigeons building a nest right under one of the bags!
The battle escalates in spring because having a bit of a green thumb, I like to grow a lot of plants out on the balcony, however this becomes attractive to pigeon parents who want to make baby crap factories like themselves. Nothing turns my pale skin red like when I look out and see pigeons tramping and digging out seedlings that I have cared for all winter. I increased my efforts to keep them away, I put up flags to scare them, I placed tanglefoot along the railings and that stuff is so sticky it does not lose it's affect for years. I even tried to spray bleach as the smell I heard keeps them away (don't get the spray on your good shorts... yes I did ) but nothing works. I have reduced the number who target me but still it only takes one or two.
Now no more mister nice guy, I want to get mean, I spend my days thinking of nasty things to do to them, what do you think of my ideas. First the 'Pigeon Sucker Upper' a vacuum cleaner attached to a woodchipper, do I need to explain. Second the 'Bye-Bye Nest Box' it would be a false nest box but built on top of a paper shredder. Third, since they like to land on chairs and poop, I am thinking some sort of a cross between a folding lawn chair and a giant rat trap. For those that like exotic pets how about the 'Python House' it would be a nice inviting house for the pigeon to go in out of the rain only with a python already inside, you could also order the 'Baby Gator' model if you find that more interesting. To show I am not totally cruel to animals, how about the "Feed The Homeless Cats' program, oh come on you would be helping a hungry kitty. I am open to suggestions.
No pigeons were harmed in the making of this blog, however it was thought about with a sinister laugh.
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14 comments:
I have heard them called "rats with wings." I love your ideas, but have you tried the plastic owl? I see them all over our malls here. Good luck!
As Birdie has stated, I have heard good things about the plastic owl. My brother bought one for his porch and the pigeons have been non-existent. Depending on how wide and deep your balcony is, try some landscape fabric that you would keep on the roll. Mount it (them) to the top of the railing and roll from side to side, covering the balcony. As the fabric gets pooped on (or not) roll it out to the next clean "section". ;-)
It amazes me what retail stores do to protect their signage by putting what amounts to 3" nails in rows of 3 on top of the sign so that they can't land on top of the sign.
I was going to suggest the same until you mentioned that you sometimes forget when walking out on the balcony in your bare feet. OUCH!
In your brightest rainbow camo and night vision goggles (circa 4AM), pink slap dash paint under the eyes, stake out your balcony with a slingshot.
I'll take 2 of the "Pigeon Sucker Uppers" One for my car and one for my sidewalk.
The plastic owl works for a while and then they figure it out. Even when you move it around.
Yup sorry guys but Kendall is right, so many people tried the owl that around here, you will often see the pigeons perched on top of the owl, with white streaks of goo running down the owl. :P
I have never been a man of violence, and yet, pigeons and squirrels DO bring out in me something quite primitive.
Attack, Kill, buy gun, join NRA,
Who knew?
2 words bb gun.........hehehe
I am thinking about a gun as well but with you being in Canada... well, it might not be an option. Paint ball guns-- you can have those for self-defense, right?
I feel your pain. They were nesting in our air conditioning scoops on the roof. Screening them off with chicken wire helped - but even better was when the osprey discovered that we were hosting a free lunch and started picking them off.
mingy sky-rats. London is plagued with them I hate them with a passion, rivalled only by my hatred for seagulls, which are the seas-side equivalent of pigeons but with slicker outfits and nastier beaks.
What about unusual scents? I've heard of trying mothballs, scented dryer sheets, or even Febreze spray. Doesn't sound pretty at all.
Pigeons are just worthless creatures. I'd suggest getting a cat, but it might jump off the balconey trying to get a brid.
I'd call an exterminator for suggestions. There might be a small electronic device that emits a signal only birds will hear and scare them away, or some other deterrent. Lewis's idea about scents is a good one--as long as they don't drive you and Dave away.
Well, looky, you're still blogging! I haven't dropped by in quite awhile, because I thought your site was going dark.
I've heard both +/- about the plastic owls. I think the birds get used to them, so you need to move them around.
When I went to my mom's place after she died, one of those fake owls scared the crap out of me. I went down in the basement one night for something, and there were two glowing orange eyes looking at me from the other end of the basement. I almost screamed like a girl.
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