Monday, July 13, 2020

Voice from the past.


 Saturday morning I got up early, I seem to do that now, it's how I knew something was wrong, all my life I've been a sleepy head, I could sleep nine or ten hours if I let myself, now six hours is a lot if I even get that much.

 I sat down and opened up my email, to my surprise there was an email from a blog friend from back in the early days of this blog. Apparently he still checks in from time to time and saw that I'm struggling. To cheer me up he sent me a video clip he made for me years ago, he was singing along to what I called my theme song from back in the day. It's "The Frog Prince" by Keane. I was so touched that he would put the effort into doing that for me, it overwhelmed me but with joy and also a relief that there are kind, thoughtful men out there.

 I put on my headphones and cried buckets as I sang along with him and Keane. It really was a positive boost to start my day. Thank you my friend, it was nice hearing from you.

  I was emailing with a regular blogger friend. I was saying that I unfortunately realized there is no moving on for me now, that will have to come later. I have to heal myself first, I'm not ready to date, I'm not well. Next step is to get out of here and also find a new job. I have to get back my life before I can have someone else in it with me.

 I find it so unfair and I feel a lot of anger because I have to pick up the pieces and start over, while the person who caused this is having the time of his life. Unfortunately since Ottawa is a small city, the gay scene for older men is a close community. Everywhere I turn, Mr X is there, turns out most of the gay people I have been meeting over the past two years are either good friends of his or know of him, I don't want to sound like a bitter ex, so I never say that we dated or even let on that I know him. I said to my blogger friend that I will have to stay away from the community for awhile, I can't have memories constantly brought back to the surface. As for Mr X, he has already burned through my replacement and has another new love in his life, I think he should come with a warning label... hahaha!

21 comments:

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Oh, Wow.
He already moved on to the next one? He's quite the character huh? You dodged that bullet, dear.
And I'm glad people have been in touch. It's nice to have people reach out. And maybe a little detox of the scene may come handy. Organizing your stuff should keep you busy.
Mr. X was really not all that, bae.

XOXO

HuntleyBiGuy said...

Damn! He’s a piece of work. I know it doesn’t make it easier, but I agree with Sixpence, it may have been for the best. He seems like a serial dater. Maybe it’s time to form an Ex-s club and you can all get together and trash the son of a bitch. Group therapy.

Hang in there, dear Steven. Things will get better, but I know it’s hard right now.

Bob said...

Things will get better, but not as long as you are obsessing over what HE'S doing. Who gives a fuck? He's not doing them with you. You need to stop; I know it'shard, but wallowing will never stop the pain.
Don't date, but go out. Get out of your house and out of your head.


xoxo

Bathwater said...

I am not ready to date and it has been a year of just sowing my wild oats and boosting my confidence. I feel like I have a ways to go still. Take your time and take joy from the little things that come at the right time when we need them.

RJ said...

Social media makes it look like he's having the time of his life. If he was, would he really be on number 2 after you?

Deedles said...

Look at the bright side, sweetie, a serial dater is a lot safer than a serial killer! Your heart may not thinks so, but you've got a strong one. This guy's going to end up alone and lonely if he doesn't change. It's pathetic, really. Big hugs.

Mistress Maddie said...

Sounds like a male slut to me. And a better question...why he is carrying on like this... obviously meeting people and having sex with people during covid 19!?!?!?!

Show no responsibility or regard to anyone. You DODGED a major bullet. Fuck him and his worthless self.

Dave R said...

I had a friend like that once, always looking for the next flavor of the month.

Michael said...

RJ took the words right out of my mouth....

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, there comes a point when you just don't care anymore. However there will be another Mr X post coming later, fasten your seatbelts!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

HuntleyBiGuy, he's like nothing I have ever dealt with before, some days I was thinking "what just happened".

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, yes exactly, my posts are usually behind what is happening in real life.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bathwater, I don't think I'm really to sow anything. I need to recover.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

RJ, it's amazing how he really works social media constantly, I think he is always looking to trade up.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, ummm ummm so actually one of his relatives is something very similar to a serial killer, and he targeted gay men, I think there is a mental disorder there.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, no not a slut, something else, he's looking for new relationships and is always jumping to the next one that offers something better he can find.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dave I did worry, he likes to be in a relationship and has had many.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

RJ is a very smart man! :)

John Going Gently said...

He's an arsehole

Sooo-this-is-me said...

That he is John!

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