Thursday, July 18, 2019

I can't cook bacon! Aaahh!


 I have reached the conclusion that I can't cook bacon. There I admitted it! I'm a bacon cooking failure! As a man I'm so ashamed of this! I find that it seems to take too long and the second I take my eyes off it, the center burns while the ends are still too rubbery to eat. I tried cooking it yesterday on a low heat with the lid on, a little better but the center was almost over cooked. I wonder what it would be like baked in the oven? My neighbors make those perfect brown crispy strips like in the restaurants. I want mine to look like that.... help! Any tips? Bacon has been described to me as man candy, what they actually meant was straight man candy, it's delicious but I can only take a little, after a few pieces, I find it too salty, too greasy... even worse... past the lips and straight to the hips.. or in my case tummy.

 Today's mission, help Steven cook perfect-ish bacon, I want to invite some of my neighbors to a pancake, bacon breakfast but I don't want them to arrive hearing the sound of smoke detectors going off! Baaacon... mmmmm!

32 comments:

Deedles said...

I cook mine on a cookie sheet in the oven. Balder Half uses the broiler but I bake mine at 350 degrees until it's done. It bakes evenly this way. Or, you can cut the strips in half before frying, the strips are smaller but they don't curl. To cut down on the salt, rinse it before cooking. To cut down on the grease, place it on paper towels after cooking. To cut down on carcinogens, don't eat it (so I'm told). I personally love a good bacon and egg sammich. To cut out flavor altogether, use turkey bacon. I consider turkey bacon to be an affront to the taste buds!

mistress maddie said...

Ok baby.....here's my trick. Take a rectangular cake pan and line it with foil. Place bacon in it, and cook it in the oven at 325. Just keep watch....when it looks golden brown take it out. It cooks more evenly in the oven. Mine always comes out nice, rigid, and crispy. Then when you remove the foil, no clean up. Toss it in trash, and it also helps from putting grease down the drain.

Old Lurker said...

I don't know why you would be ashamed not to be able to cook bacon. You don't cook bacon on the BBQ, and men are only responsible for BBQ cooking. This is why you don't see too many gay male couples in northern climates; they are unable to prepare food all winter, and they starve.

Also: bacon is gross.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

It does cook best in the oven, although I rarely make bacon myself. My Rare One cooks hers in the microwave all the time when she needs crumbled bacon for a quiche.

Anonymous said...

That's why you hosers invented Canadian bacon eh!

Michael said...

Steven,
No advice here from me, I don't eat it! I love the taste, but I gave it up years ago because of health reasons. I do thinking from reading the comments that baking it is the way to go.

anne marie in philly said...

you're canadian and can't make bacon? turn in your canada card! :)

spouse makes it on an electric griddle with a ceramic cooking surface. always comes out crispy. for quiche, I buy a packet of real bacon bits; SO much easier!

Jimmy said...

Jacque Pipen says do it in the microwave.

Willym said...

In our household it's normally done in the oven, on a foil lined cookie sheet at 350c. It always works. When I was making breakfast scones this morning I was able to cook it to just the right consistency to then be added to the Welsh cheddar cubes for a really delicious scone.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, turkey bacon is not bacon it's like bacon made out of tofu... blah! Cookie sheet, sounds good... oooow what about bacon chip cookies!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, no clean up, now you're talking my language! Another good tip, cake pan, ooow imagine a bacon flavored cake!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Old Lurker, it kept falling through the grills! Bacon is gross after you haven't eaten it for a while.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Debra, my mom used to cook it in the microwave as well. I forgot how.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Is that you Walter? You're a brat if it is! :)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael, I almost never touch it anymore either for health reasons as well. I want to cook some for neighbors.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, I have personally fed about ten zillion mosquitoes this spring so they will have to pry my card out of my cold frozen hands!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, mom used to cook it in the microwave as well, I just forgot her tricks to make it taste normal.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Willyam, I'm shocked that you guys eat bacon! It seems like the cookie sheet method wins the contest. I'm going to try that.

Anitia Moorecock said...

bacon is my favorite. plentiful sex is a given to whose who can cook good bacon

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Steven, bae.
Bacon? What are you, on a Paleo diet of some sorts? Or is it the Keto one?
And I’m here for all the advice cause I can’t cook to save my life.

XoXo

Richard said...

I bake it in the oven too. A friend, who used to be a chef on yachts, told me to always cook bacon in the oven.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anitia darling, then I guess I had better practice cooking good bacon! ;)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, no I rarely have it, just that I would like to be able to cook it well. Too bad you don't live closer, we could practice making bacon together...lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, I wondered about that but it seems people figured it out years ago. I thought everyone always fried it in a skillet.

Leanna said...

Steve, darlin, give up the bacon cooking and just invite them for a ham and eggs breakfast. Bake a small ham the night before and slice off some 1/4 inch thick (6 mm) slices the next morning and fry them up or just heat them up in the frying pan with the eggs. Perfect breakfast. No fussing with bacon not being cooked all the way and all that extra grease.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Leanna, that sounds delicious as well. Bacon sure does produce a "lot" of grease! Not healthy for sure!

Deedles said...

Sweetie, the grease may not be healthy, but it is heavenly when used in greens (cabbage, collards, mustard, turnip etc...). I think I'll cook up some bacon this morning. I suddenly have a taste for it.

Old Lurker said...

Instead of all this cooking advice, there is a much easier solution to your problem: take the batteries out of your smoke detectors.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, my neighbor used the grease to make pie crust, it was oh so so good!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Old Lurker, that's a great idea except for the burnt taste... you are a bad bad man!

Ur-spo said...

LOL as soon as I read this I knew the comment section will be full up with bacon cooking tips.
I hope these help.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dr Spo, yes they were helpful. At least now it won't be a bacon disaster. Lol