Monday, July 29, 2019

Avoiding the question.


 There have been a few stories lately regarding negative attitudes towards the LGBTQ community and I was feeling upset over the weekend but I decided not to blog about them for now. I have to step back and view my own life and for now it's pretty good. I need to focus on the positive side and I had a great experience last Wednesday during lunch hour. I know the group I sit with have very open minds regarding most things so I'm not surprised.

 I won't go into details but the subject of transgender people and gay people came up. This is usually quite rare and if the subject does come up.. it only lasts for seconds in a conversation. This time however it lasted longer and gave me an insight into how each person thinks. It was interesting hearing the views of the older generation vs the younger guys. Men around my age were embarrassed by past behavior and are working on being inclusive, the younger guys see no issue, they kept saying it doesn't affect me so why would I care who someone dates.

 One of the dads was saying how it is even better with young teens regarding LGBTQ issues. He was saying how easy it flows for his children when he listens in on conversations. He said he hears things like, "I saw Mike at the pool yesterday, remember him"?
 "No I don't know who you mean".
 "He was in your class last year and before that he used to be Mary when you were in elementary".
 "Oh yeah I remember him, how is he"?

 My coworker felt proud that his kids have an open mind like that. The older crew was explaining what it was like back in the eighties.. when even people like boy-George denied they were gay. How being gay was a no no especially in small towns. It was a great conversation, I found the viewpoints interesting, I felt really good coming away from that conversation. There was a point when people were saying to the younger guys, that is the reason it's still hard for the older generations to come out. At that moment I thought it would be perfect to say something like, "that's why I never said a word about myself until right now... and then pause as it sinks in... but I didn't. I walked away thinking, Old Lurker and Jimmy are going to give me such a hard time over this one... it made me laugh a little.

 I do have a reason and it's not what you think. First I don't think anyone really cares to be honest but that's not the reason for my silence. It's not about fear or rejection it's something else and it's simple. When I first came out to my friends years ago, there was a question that I hated having to answer. All my friends were happy for me to finally admit that I am gay, also they wanted the best for me so inevitably once I told them, they would ask with a warm curious smile, "so Steve, are you seeing someone, do you have a boyfriend"? Unfortunately I would have to answer no and I would see the smile fade away, they felt sorry for me, I know they were hoping that I had found someone and that was why I was telling people.

 I don't want to answer that question at the moment because I feel like the kid I was in high school asking people out, no girl would touch me with a ten foot pole. I felt like a loser at dating and now I suck at dating all over again. When I was with Dan, I noticed how easy it was for me to tell people, actually I wanted the world to know, love does that to a person. I know many of the guys will hope that I have someone and I want to be able to say with a shy grin, "yes I'm seeing someone, his name is".

22 comments:

Deedles said...

Awww, now I feel bad for telling you that you need to get laid! I was just concerned over the fact that you know so much about dragonflies and damselflies (not to mention plants). I feel your pain, sort of. It's kind of like people butting into straight (I hate that word actually)couples' business with the 'when are you going to have babies' question. Whether someone is dating or not is nobody's business and a person can be perfectly happy being single. That's my two cents.

Richard said...

Some dates go well and some don't. You just have to put yourself out there and try. And you should come out to your work peers when you want to.

Old Lurker said...

Sigh. Is this your excuse now? There always has to be an excuse.

Here are some sentences to practice in front of your mirror: "I'm still single, but I'm looking! Do you know anybody who is kind, cute and available? Could you get us in touch?"

Jimmy said...

If you are thinking of ME at work,...you got real problems.

"Tommy" said...

Hello There

A comment from way down in Louisiana.

We all just have to be ourselves, whatever you feel comfortable about in revealing yourself..

Coming out, is a Life Long process from what I have noticed...

Reading your blog ..... you have accomplished that in Your Own Way.....

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

You know that Lurkie and Jimmy are gonna let you have it no matter what so... ­čĄú
Now, as for the convo, yeah, I think younger generations have a much better understanding of gender and gender roles because they have grown up being more aware of what goes around them and of course, because there’s so much more information out there.
There’s SGAs in most schools and the anti-bullying campaigns have made them more aware of differences and how to talk about them.
Older generations tend to be more weary of ‘the new things’. It takes them a minute. But the kids are all├í right.
As for you not dating. It’s not a big deal! I’m sure your friends just want you to be happy. You have to make sure to let them know that you’re perfectly fine being single (if you are). Also, if they’re straight, they put more weight into being paired off then if they’re gay. No?

XoXo

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles your two cents is worth a lot here because of the exchange rate! I don't feel like they are prying or anything like that, they know I'm kind of a loner and are just hoping maybe I have someone. I would like to answer yes.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, I will always do things when I want to, I'm very passive aggressive like that! Lol

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Hi old Lurker... oh boy here it comes... blah blah blah always an excuse blah blah. Didn't my post tug at your heart strings even just a little Lurky? If you think I'm going to get fixed up on a date by straight men, well... you are way more out the touch than I am!:D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy it's the hat, I love a man in a big sun hat... gingers need Sun protection. Yes I thought of you immediately as I walked away from the table... lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Hello Tommy, I know who you are, I have read your blog before, welcome.
You are right, coming out is a life long process. I thought that when I first came out, the whole world would know in a few weeks, I guess my sexuality wasn't that important after all lol. I didn't make headline news. I haven't actually told any straight people in years when I think about it.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, yes they are like my gay aunties, scolding me when I let them down gay wise, between you and I, they are usually right but don't let them know I said that.
That's a great observation, now that you mention it, heterosexuals I think are more couples oriented than gay friends. Most gay people I know, never ask right away if I have a partner but my straight friends always do.

Jimmy said...

If we should ever meet, perhaps we should have a 'safe' word. I'll let you choose.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, how about "sunscreen"! ;)

Jimmy said...

Hey, I may come to Canada. I've lived in the country. Hell, I've lived in a monastery.Maybe I could make you a very happy sub. :)

Auntie Lurker said...

Heartstrings? What makes you think I have heartstrings?

Yes I do think that one of your straight male coworkers might set you up on a date. It is more likely that the younger hipper ones who see homosexuality as no big deal would have some spinster uncle for you, but you never know what might happen. Who was it that said that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take?

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, you lived in a monastery? Now that must be an interesting story!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lurker, you have heart strings, I've seen the evidence.
Lol, spinster uncle, I never thought of that, you have a point!

mistress maddie said...

Why don't you broch the subject more inform like. " Oh yeah, I know what your saying, I've been sucking cock since 1994." That should give them the hint, and you won't have to say your gay.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, I tried that at church once, for some strange reason it didn't go over that well.

Deedles said...

I was so proud to have put in my two cents and leave. No long winded diatribe this time. Then I noticed, I seem to be the only estrogen packing commenter on this post (so far) except for "Auntie Lurker", *snort*. Where my ladies be at? Actually, I'm going to stay out of this whole thing now. Bring on the flowers and damselflies!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, you are totally welcome to the sausage fest! I guess I'm all over the place on topics but that's the way life works as well.