Sunday, April 14, 2019

Listen To Your Heart...stupid!


 The drive into work is a long one for me and some days it's a time to reflect. A few days ago while driving in, the host said she wanted to play "an oldie" it was a song from my youth, it came out around the time of the last woolly mammoth dying [sarcasm] grrr. Anyway it was "Listen to your heart", by Roxxette. As I was driving that little voice we all have was trying to point something out to me, I hate that because that little voice is usually correct.

 The "voice" was pointing out that I'm not listening to my heart, I'm trying to be practical and unfortunately that never works out. I was comparing two guys in my head that I talk with often and have met. One is my nerdy friend, let's call him James, the other is my slightly workaholic friend, let's call him Tyler (because he has one of those trendy names I like).

 James is the guy that clearly likes me, I know that I could email him right now and ask if we could try being boyfriends and he would email back excitedly and say yes. Unfortunately I don't feel any attraction towards him. Some days I think about giving a relationship a try. That day in the car however it was pointed out to me how stupid my way of thinking was. I communicate with James all the time but we haven't met since last fall, probably end of August or September. I could meet with him after work but I always have an excuse. I was thinking about when I first met Dan, I would climb over mountains to be with him. I would drive for an hour just to have dinner with him, I would reschedule, postpone, skip out of any appointment just to arrange for us to be together. The reason is clear, I wanted to be with him, compare that to not meeting James for the last seven or eight months... who am I kidding.

 Then there is Tyler, we had been communicating for days and he was really interested in meeting me. He was even driving the "meeting up" as much as I was. However after we met, he has never asked to meet again. I usually do the asking, his signal is clear to me but I want to keep him as a friend. He is never cold towards me or unfriendly, he seems willing to go out and have lunch etc but he never expresses an interest in me as a boyfriend. Unfortunately for me... Tyler is the one that I want, he pushes all my buttons, I feel like I'm in a fog when dealing with him.

 Again the point is made clear to me when I think what would happen if Tyler suddenly emailed me saying something like, "want to meet for dinner"? I would drop what I'm doing right now and start getting ready. If he emailed me and said, "Steve lately you are always on my mind, I feel empty when you are not around". I would be giddy with excitement, I would probably be blogging like crazy, sharing the details of the first cute and awkward moments as we first start to get to know each other. Snap back to reality, sometimes James tries to say those same things to me... and I shut him down every time. I really like James, I don't want to hurt him but shutting him down was the right thing to do, it's clear to me that I have been deceiving myself, I have not been listening to my heart.

28 comments:

anne marie in philly said...

so whatcha gonna do about it? time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin' into the future...

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, I really don't know, other than keep looking and also sitting down with "James" and making everything clear to him. Tyler is a lost cause, I will keep him as a friend but clearly he sees me the way I see James.

Deedles said...

You can't always get what you want. The heart is treacherous. My sister went with her heart three times. All were abusive and the third one killed her. Just sayin'. Wow, I went there again! My fortune cookie told me to let you be you :)

Jimmy said...

So many frogs to be kissed.

*Deedles, that is awful about your sister.

Leanna said...

You said it, Tyler treats you like you treat James. Maybe God is trying to tell you something.
Speaking of which, in response to your church comment on my blog earlier, I do know of soooo many Catholic and some Baptist churches where I live and in San Antonio that help feed and clothe the poor. No one would know it but I regularly give to their charities to help them continue their work. The ones I put up memes about are the unGodly type that has the $200000. cars and the multi-million dollar houses, and private jets and yachts. Those are the ones that don't help a soul with their riches and they dictate what the government should do with women's bodies and how they should treat the elderly and poor. They are the ones, the blasphemous ones that should be taxed into the poor-house.

JP said...

Are you sexually attracted to James?
JP

Tio Walter said...

I love Roxette! Whatever happened to them? Dating is hard. I've met a few guys I really, really like but they didn't like me back the same way. There's little that's worse than dating or being with someone who doesn't like you back the same way. It's draining. Do listen to your heart. One day, someone else's heart will listen to yours.

mistress maddie said...

All I can say is too many red flag with tyler, in my opinion.

Been with a workaholic. Not intentional from them….but you'll always be second.

I think you need some new blood in this mix of men.

Bob said...

Lose them both, or keep them as friends and only friends, knowing that you cannot ever give James what he wants from you, and you cannot ever get from Tyler what you want from him.
And when you put them on the friend shelf, get out there and look for someone who feels the way you feel,

Old Lurker said...

Someone has BOY PROBLEMS.

Plot twist: Tyler is in desperate, unrequited love with James.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Ohhh Roxette! Blast from the past!
I think I agree with Bob and Maddie.
It's time for you to get more friends and find someone who makes you feel like Tyler and feels about you like James. Difficult? Maybe? Impossible? Nope.
Maddie is right. Workaholics do not change. You'll aways be second to his job. And if you don't feel a strong attraction for James, you're bound to hurt him when you leave him (because you will). So there. My twenty cents.
And *deedles* so sorry to hear that!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

It's always shocking to me when you say that Deedles.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, oh great now I will probably get warts to!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Leanna, that would be typical because I never get any of my tests in life!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

JP, no not really.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Walter, I sure hope so.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, yes I need a new mix of men.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, you are right, that's what I "know" as well but I'm ignoring myself. Lol

Sooo-this-is-me said...

OL, why that dirty ba..a. oh I see, you were joking. It would turn out to be my luck!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, I agree with everything you said.

Deedles said...

Steven, it shocks you when I say let you be you? Fascinating :)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

No Deedles, I keep forgetting that your sister was murdered, I actually don't know anyone that was murdered.

Richard said...

I think Maddie is right. Time for a new guy.

Deedles said...

I know what you meant, honey. I was just being a smartass. Technically, she was manslaughtered. Subtle difference, less time served. At least he can get help for his mental illness in prison. He has to take his meds instead of drinking while there. Don't worry, I've got four sisters left :) DARK!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, I have all the time in the world for a new guy... lol!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, I was wondering about that, I enjoy your smartassiness, yes you are a dark person. :)

JP said...

I think you’ve answered your question.
JP

Sooo-this-is-me said...

JP, I'm not listening, I'm not listening, lalala! I know, it's too bad, he's a really nice person. :(