Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Christmas Eve 2019.
Wow... here we are again. I have nothing done but I'm not going to panic, there really is no point for me. I just need to make some cookies for tomorrow, wrap a few gifts and I'm good to go. I never did get into the holiday spirit no matter what I tried, I'm okay with that... as long as I don't have some mid-winter regret over it. It's going to be pretty easy after Christmas, no decorations to put away. The only thing Christmas-ish is the one sad and lonely little Christmas card I got... lol.
I'm disappointed however with one thing, I have been trying to create my own "family" but I wasn't successful. Meaning boyfriend, group of friends etc. People to spend the holidays with. Yes... some people tell me to stop in but that's different from actual family. Nothing can feel more lonely than sitting in on someone else's family Christmas. My last really happy Christmases were when I was dating Dan, it was exciting again, it was magical again. We were making our own new memories together, we were forming a new family unit. That's what I would like to have again. Right now to me it doesn't feel like Christmas eve, it feels like Tuesday. Anyway don't worry, I'm not feeling down, as I keep saying, I just feel "meh".
To anyone celebrating today and/or tomorrow, Merry Christmas!
Now I'm off to make cookies... and hopefully they won't smell like cat food. :D