Sunday, September 23, 2018

All Tunnel, no light.


 I appreciate all the support, I have always known how awesome the people in the blogosphere are, both readers and bloggers. The truth is I don't always feel sad about the events happening regarding my mom's health and dementia, I had to stop constantly feeling sad years ago, I just feel drained. I was talking to my sister yesterday and we both agreed that as hard as it was taking care of my father when he was dying, at least we could see a light at the end of the tunnel. With mom it's all tunnel and no light, we have no time line, she could go on like this for weeks, months and most likely years.

 I spent part of the day with her yesterday, she ate for me on her own, we watched "I Love Lucy" I know she is much more calm with me around, I'm probably her only anchor left to her former life. I often wonder what she thinks regarding her situation,  the confusion must be torture at times. The other day she said to one of residents who is still sharp as a tack, "I don't think they are ever going to let me go home". That made me feel sorry for her, she doesn't see her place as a home, more like a hospital and she thinks she is recovering, often asking when are we coming to pick her up.

 I am stressed at times but there is nothing new here, this is my new normal, everything goes off the rails, we keep trying different medications until we find one that works and then we are good for about four to eight months until they suddenly no longer work and then back to square one. Sometimes I just lose interest in things because of the stress I guess. Anyway everyone has problems in life, mine are not any more important than any one else's. I'm just letting you know that is happening with me, I'm not going to turn this into a "poor me" blog, I try to take in my own moments even between crises.

9 comments:

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Sending good vibes. Same happened with someone in the family: she asked when she was going back to 'her house'. It was impossible. The only thing left to do is to try and make their staying away from home as comfortable as possible.

xoxo

Deedles said...

Honey, I've discovered with my family that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train! Chin up, boobs out, you got this.

mistress maddie said...

Boy, have I missed my future husband!!!! I have only just gotten back and running between in everything. I was sorry to hear about the mother issue wearing you down. I went through the same with my father. Luckily he didn't suffer or go on to long thankfully. The only thing to give you comfort is just to be there for her and visit when you can. Would it help if I send you some funny pictures, or naughty ones? Hang in there friend. Email anytime to talk if you need to unload. 😙💋💖

anne marie in philly said...

we just wanna know what happened about the roofer!

Jennifer said...

Is there any sort of support group for people caring for loved ones with dementia that you could think about attending? Just a thought. My mother in law died last December from complications related to Lewy Body Dementia, and her husband was attended one such group. It might help to have people to talk to who understand what you're going through....

Just a thought. I'm certainly wishing you the very best as you deal with this. Stay strong.

Old Lurker said...

As you are aware, we only follow you for the naked selfies you post. No wait, that's not right at all. Please don't minimize what you are going through. Taking care of an aging parent is super stressful.

Did your mom stabilize? From what you were writing before it did not sound as if she is going to last for years (which is also not very nice to say).

Christina said...

I have to agree with Deedles. The "light" at the end of the tunnel is probably just some old guy with a torch, bringing more shizzle.....

All any of us can do is take things one day at a time.
Sending hugs. Xx

Michael said...

Steven,
Thanks for sharing your story. I am sending positive thoughts your way. It must be exhausting.

Ur-spo said...

I don't think you write a poor me blog; you share your thoughts feelings and happenings. Your readers appreciate it.