Sometimes I am my own worst enemy, actually not sometimes, most times. I moan and whine about not meeting other gay people and then not only do I "not" go and meet people, I turn away a chance to meet people. I need gay therapy!
Take for example when I went to see the gay film Love Simon, I was sitting there thinking I will be able to check out the "herd". It was very possible that there would be another one or two guys there just like me, watching it alone because most of their friends are straight or lesbians. I was a little early and so I got to watch people as they came in. Typical of Steven, the crowd began to file in and it was mostly middle aged women. There were some teenage girls, a few uncomfortable husbands that were dragged there by their wives, some daughters who brought their mothers, the usual life moments that make me feel like there is a giant conspiracy against me. Finally a gay couple came in, a little younger than me, they sat behind me, a little to my right. No joking I could smell bad breath coming from one of them, so I knew I wouldn't be trying to chat with them after. The lights went down and a few more people came in.
After the movie was over I waited a little and left. Now here comes my smooth move on how not to make friends. As I was leaving there was a single guy walking out as well. Tall with average looks and about my age. I felt he was trying to keep an even pace with me, I saw him look over at me a few times as if going to say something. If I had stopped, if I spoke to him I know a conversation would have begun. I didn't because I pre-judged him, I never gave him a chance. I found him too well dressed, not like he was going out to the Royal Ball after but too gay style-ish. I felt he probably put too much effort into appearances. The way he dressed made me think a little of a cross between a futuristic space suit and a gay vampire. I know that sounds harsh but that was the vibe I received. I kept ignoring him and wouldn't slow down to give him any opportunity to speak to me.
When I got home I realized what a dumb move that was. Maybe he was just a nice guy with a different sense of fashion. He may have been creepy but I will never know because I wouldn't give him a chance. Even if we became friends and nothing came of our relationship, maybe he knows someone who would be a better fit for me. It wouldn't have hurt to speak with him, if he came on to me in an inappropriate way, I could have just said no thanks and zoomed out of there. Maybe he could have become a really good friend, who suddenly realized that he feels empty when I am not around and one day nervously asks me out. I will never know because as usual I didn't ruin my chance, I sabotaged it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
26 comments:
You have learned something valuable about your tendencies. Now it is time to put that knowledge into practice.
Remember: not every gay man you meet has to be husband material. or even one-night-stand material. In my opinion you should not have hesitated to chat up Mr. Bad Breath and his partner too.
That's is why i will usually talk to most people. Even if I'm not interested for dating, I may have gained a new friend, or at least had one night of in treating conversation. And I'm here to tell you, my circle of friends is as eclectic as they come.
You say 'gay vampire' as though it's something bad!
My neighbors, a married couple and very good friends (P and the Bear Nextdoor) collect gay men. They often ask us if we know of someone they could introduce to this gay friend who is lonely, just out of a bad relationship, widowed even. They assume because we're gay that we know all the gay men in town. They should know better -- we never go out and live like monks.
Just flash a smile.....and stop thinking too much
Yes, I think you blew it. You judged him before you met him. I take pride in my appearance and like to always look my best. That man could have been me but I would have been dressed more J.Crew that futuristic. Of course, I think you forgot to factor in nervous anticipation which may have caused you to avoid the man. Next time, talk to the guy. What harm could it do? There are ways to communicated you're not interested if you don't want to pursue an opportunity. The man may have regretted wearing the outfit but took a chance in trying to meet you. But it didn't work out that way.
Self-sabotage is a way to hide, not stretch yourself and wonder, What if...It is also an alarm bell of judging yourself way too harshly by passing it on to others. What are you trying to hide from yourself that others make you want to run away from?
You'll meet some good guys, some okay guys, some not so good guys, and some other guys when you say hello. Keep in mind the judging, the self-sabotaging, the fear of saying hello first goes both ways. That night, you both went home probably regretting not saying hello, or easier still, What did you think of the movie? That's all it would have taken. For all you know, vampire guy could have been an interesting Yin to your Yang. Don't let it pass you by again.
Hey, look at the bright side, you may have avoided a run in with a serial killer! Just a thought to cheer you up :) I'll leave now.
Am I allowed a second comment? I agree with all the 'you should have talked' comments above. After a childhood of numerous moves and schools, I am painfully shy and socially awkward. Like animals in the wild who hide their injuries and illnesses lest they become prey, I developed a defense mechanism. I talk to everyone indiscriminately -- strangers in line, people choosing vegetables in the grocery, dog walkers when I run. Everyone thinks I'm super outgoing and friendly when inside I'm living in terror of making contact. Sadly, no gay vampires ever hit on me.
Deedles! It is lovely to see you here, and you should post more, but if Steven takes your advice he will mope around lonely behind his computer/phone screen forever. The poor guy is already freaked out by the Toronto serial killer.
Old Lurker, hi! Did I put these size elevens in my mouth again? I was just leg pulling, but my sense of humor can be very dark. It's how I made it pass twelve years old alive. Thank you for bringing this to my short attention span. I totally forgot about the Toronto thing.
Sorry about the inappropriate smart assery, Steven. Listen to all of the good advice from those who've been there.
I love you and your size elevens, Deedles. You are one of my favorite commenters!
Mr Lurker, yes I learned something, didn't you read my post! Hahaha. I completely agree with you up to the point of bad breath, I don't want to be sitting there wondering if a squirrel crawl in his mouth and died.
Maddie, I suspect you are great at meeting people. However for Pete's sake Maddie you already have seven or eight men, leave some for the rest of us!!!! ;)
Mike, well I'm not into that s & m stuff so it's scary to me, there's a joke about sucking in there but too easy so I will leave it.
John, I do think too much, I play things out in my head but nothing really goes the way we think.
RJ if you showed up wearing J Crew then I would have performed a running tackle and pinned you down until you agreed to go for coffee with me. Too forward? You hit the nail on the head, I was nervous as crazy and was terrified he might ask me to meet him for drinks.
Walter, it's scary the way you just read me, I was afraid of something. I was also thinking that a sharply dressed guy like him would be bored and find me mediocre.
Deedles, you have my wicked sense of humour, that's too funny! The vampire vibe was sounding the alarm bells. Lol, you cheered me up..... see how I spelled humour. :p
Mike, no second comments allowed but that never stopped you before? Lol!!! You are my buddy, that gives you special privileges on this blog! At least you are confronting your fears and that's a good thing Mike.
Mr Lurker, seriously what am I going to do with you? I notice you never seem to worry about multiple comments? Yes I'm just teasing you and no don't get upset with me.
Deedles, I absolve you of your sins because you're funny as hell, smart assery is not only welcome here it's encouraged. Don't worry I didn't read anything other than a joke from your comment. Ignore Mr Lurker he is a super brat and probably is upset that he didn't think of it first.
Mr Lurker, you are one of my favorite commenters. Funny thing about comments is that you can't really be sure if the person is being serious or sarcastic. Neither can you hear them do one of those sinister laughs.
I would dance with you at a party, I wouldn't let you be out on the floor alone. I could shake the dust off the booty.
Quit procrastinating and go dancing already! The weekend is here. There is a dance club calling your name!
Actually the only good dance club for older guys closed down, not because it wasn't doing well, because the guy wanted to retire and nobody took over.
No excuses! Go to the mediocre dance club for older guys. Go to the good dance club for younger guys. Get yourself out there.
Mr Lurker, I work really hard to come up with good excuses, please stop shooting them all down! Lol
Post a Comment