Sex in a barn, wouldn't that make a good name for a drink? Something with a little vodka in it and you fill in the rest. I guess you could use it as the name of a band but I think it fits with a drink name better. Now that I have the attention of you perverts, including all the sweet little old ladies who rushed over from John's blog, sex in a barn is a non starter with me.
Sooner or later, whenever someone finds out I live on a farm, they always whisper, "so ever have sex in the barn"? Let me be clear "NO"! No, no, no! Then they always look at me puzzled, "why not"? Neeeever going to happen. I always tell them that they are watching too much porn. A real barn is nothing like a studio with a few hay bales, a pitchfork and hot bodies wearing perfectly clean coveralls. If you're going into a barn to play farmer, (hey sexy, this time I'll be the milkmaid and you be the cow) you better not, be a germophobe, have allergies, hay fever, arachnophobia, (especially arachnophobia) or fear of any bugs for that matter. You better be okay with dust, more dust and smells, this time you can blame the letting off of gas on the animals and you probably would get away with it. You should also remember that the mice are much more afraid of you, than you are of them and luckily the bats usually don't come out until after dark, cue the porn music!
Even when I had my beneficial friend, he said that he wanted to try sex in a barn, I said no, he asked why. I'll tell you why, because when I go to work, I release the chickens to run around free in the safety of the buildings. The first thing a chicken does is get up on things, the second thing a chicken does is poop on whatever it just got up on. Seriously do you want me to lay you back half naked into that? I think the reality would probably kill the mood of the fantasy pretty quickly. Some of my co-workers then wondered about just the hay loft, again people it's hay, dusty, picky hay and not a bed with silk sheets. One of them asked me if I thought anyone ever at least had sex in the hay loft, the answer to that question is yes, I know that did happened.... for.... sure.
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10 comments:
Having sex where anything including chickens could watch you is a no no
I'll take a sex in the barn please.
Ha! I'd much rather Sex on the beach. I've been to a farm. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Sex in a barn happens all the time. Teenagers who don't have cars yet have to hide from their parents somehow.
As for the chicken poop and the scratchy hay -- that is what burlap is for.
John, exactly... who needs an audience? Plus you never know what a chicken could mistake for a worm.
Maddie, in a tall glass with ice no less!
Walter, at this time of year I would rather be on a beach somewhere too, having sex would be a bonus. Except maybe for getting sand in odd places.
Mr Lurker, burlap sacks, so what do you know about using those in a barn? I heard a rumor that you could just throw a coat down on the hay, or at least that is what I have been told.
I looked it up: there is a cocktail recipe called Sex on The Farm, which is pretty darn close.
The few times I have been on a farm it has never inspired hay fever
Dr Spo, when I walk into a barn, all I see is work!
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