Friday, September 15, 2017
Signs, Clear As Mud.
The hardest part of being a gay man I feel, is not letting yourself get too attached to a great guy. Easier said than done, I find myself stepping back from many friendships when I realize that I suddenly find that person attractive. Everything they say is funny, they look so good in "that" shirt, their cologne smells so nice, their voice gives me chills. Wait STOP! Then I realize what is happening and have to reprogram my thinking. I put up a wall when I am around most guys but things happen. The hardest of all is the lonely straight guy, he is the guy that is new to the area or too shy to meet people. Generally they are attracted to me because I'm quiet and shy in public but like to joke around one on one. They see that I am easy going and friendly so they feel comfortable approaching me. The brain tells me they just want a friendship but my emotional side sends confusing messages. It's hard not to see signs that aren't really there, like when they constantly ask me out to dinner or to come over for the evening. To a straight guy it's two buddies hanging out, to a gay guy it's a date??? Nothing snaps you into reality than the discussion of picking up women (yuck). It's hard not to think "is he trying to tell me something" or "does he want to be more than just friends" but I have found so far that it's been 100% friend zone for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only gay man in the world, that's why I found it so uplifting to see the young gay couple last week. Not surprising that I am going through this dilemma at the moment. I have become good friends with someone at work and he is really trying to get closer to me. I don't know what this means, it's flattering that someone finds me interesting but to what level. The other problem is he is younger and comes from a community that is not gay positive, so even if he does have feelings for me, he may not fully accept or understand them. I can only say "no" to going out for so long, starting next week I'm going to say yes. Thanks for listening.