Sunday, September 24, 2017
A Warm Hug.
I often wonder how people perceive me, I am painfully aware of my faults. Too shy at times, too quiet and I also know that I am a little odd compared to most people, I can't help that fact, it's who I am, my personality is not going to change now. I can feel insecure regarding friends, past and present, I hope often that I'm not just the mascot for our groups (past and present). I worry about the value I have with other people, do I bring something to the table, do I offer them something, do they even notice if I am around or not. It's hard for me to get close to people, I don't click with many, its a flaw on my part, I just don't relate to most people. ............................................... The father of a classmate passed away, she and I were together from kindergarten through high school, also during high school I became friends with one of her brothers so I felt it important to attend their father's wake. I hadn't seen them in years, especially the brother, he moved on to bigger and better things and I completely lost track of him. To be honest here, no shocker, I was quietly in love with him. I secretly had all these fantasies were he one day, would confess his love and affection for me, then we would begin a happy ever after life together...... not. I was a little nervous about seeing him, would he even remember our friendship, or was I maybe making it out to be a bigger deal than it actually was. As I entered, time warped, the adults were unrecognizable to me but the teenage kids were clones of my high school friends, it felt bizarre. I suddenly saw my old classmate, she hadn't changed a lot and she still had the same sweet personality, that gave me comfort. She began to point out her brothers and sister, then came the moment. One of her brothers stepped forward with a huge smile, he had changed a lot, I put my hand out to shake his but what happened next was something I needed. He pushed my hand away laughing and saying "no don't shake my hand, come here, give me a hug, I want a hug"! That lifted my spirit, because I knew even after all these years that my friendship meant something and lately I need to feel that. His personality hadn't changed thankfully, he was the same friendly, funny guy that I remembered. Then it turned out very comical for me, as a group of us were catching up on old times, he kept staring at me and would make comments like "you have not changed at all" then after a while "dude you haven't changed a bit" a little while longer "no I mean seriously man, you really look the same", something every gay man loves to hear (lol). His wife is gorgeous and seems nice, he knows a coworker of mine, our companies actually do business together. ............................................... A crowd was building at the wake and the family needed to speak with them so we said our goodbyes and I left. Looking back as I was leaving and watching them greet other people, it's strange to say but I felt as if I finished a chapter of a book. I also felt the importance of a hug.