A Picture To Die For

I spent the weekend with Dave and Sunday we decided to go for a small hike. The weather was pretty good, warm with a little sun showing up every now and then, making it a perfect day for a walk through nature. Dave and I planned on taking pictures as the leaves are beginning to turn colours here. I am not that great with a camera like so many of you who read this post but I do enjoy taking them for myself. Everyone wants those "wow" shots and we were hiking around looking for great memories. I was going to blog about the day we had together, about finally being out with a boyfriend just enjoying each other's company, I was going to post pictures and hoped you would like them. I will post about this later however for now I am still extremely upset and stressed out from what happened to us, I am so on edge that I know there will be no sleep for me tonight, same as how we did not speak on the way home, how our day was ruined, how one slip nearly killed Dave and I.

We had come to the end of the trail and were heading back, we stopped for some last few pictures and as I was taking photos of rocks in the flowing water, Dave had climbed up a cliff to a rounded ledge. He told me to come up as there was something he wanted to show me. It was dangerous but there were good hand and foot holds, plus I grew up around rocky hills so this was not new to me. Once there he pointed to a small maple tree growing out of a crack in one of the rocks. It was odd in that there should not have been a tree growing out of such a small crack but the main reason to show me was it had an amazing bright red colour, it was beautiful and we thought a perfect shot. The angle was not good and I wanted to get a better view. Dave told me that if I climb higher and around the ledge I would get a better shot. We were quite high up now and the rocks sloped down and inward so the tree was out of reach but as long as I stayed back I would be fine, get too close to the tree and the slope would cause you to slide right over where you would fall into fast moving water but worse, jagged boulders. The rocks were dry and I sat down to take a picture, there was lots of room for one person on the ledge and I was in a safe place. I was about to take the picture when suddenly I felt something heavy slam into me from behind, I was startled but realized it was Dave, for a split second I thought he was playing a childish trick of pretending to shove me and grab me at the last moment. All of the following happened in fractions of seconds, I saw that Dave had foolishly climbed up behind me but the slope was too steep to hold him, he did not know that the bottom of his shoes had become wet and with the rock moss it was like trying to stand up on soap. As he struggled he kept slipping farther down and him being much heavier than me, was pushing me over the rounded edge to the point where I could not stop my fall. I was frantically laying down for friction and grabbing for every finger hold I could get only to be dislodged by him struggling. I felt myself going over, I remember thinking " I might die from this, is this how I'm going to die" it felt like every bad dream I ever had only it was true, I also remember thinking "this is going to really hurt". As we were sliding over I could hear myself shouting "Dave, Dave, Dave" almost like someone else was yelling it, I was also feeling sorry for him as the person I love was about to die or end up in a wheel chair. In the last flashes of time Dave reached out with his long arms and caught a tree growing in the rocks, me I had grabbed onto Dave's legs as a last effort to grab something and we suddenly stopped sliding.

I scrambled up Dave and onto the safe spot, he did not move and asked "you alright?" I said "what the FUCK where you thinking" he said something and I said "that was the dumbest thing you ever did, you could have hurt me or both of us" I wanted to say 'kill' instead of 'hurt' but I was afraid to say the word out loud, he kept saying "I'm sorry" but I was too scared to really be angry at him... yet! I looked down to see my favourite hat quickly flowing in circles from the swift currents of the water falls below the rocks, almost teasing me as if the river was saying "I've got your hat, dare you to come in and get it." Dave lost his camera into the water, I lifted my hand and stared at my camera still around my wrist, battered from my flailing around but still intact. My fear of dropping my camera makes me wear the strap around my wrist and this little quirk payed off. I had to stay there a minute as my legs were trembling too much for me to safely climb down. When I came down I really felt angry with Dave, almost a wave of anger. After a few minutes I calmed down because I could see that he was really eaten up inside about what he had almost done and I figured he will punish himself enough later. I said good bye to my hat as it was lost to the currents and wondered if someone would find it later while fishing or walking along the shore. We both were still a bit dazed by the whole thing, thinking the loss of the hat and camera was something to be concerned about. I also felt embarrassed and ashamed for allowing myself to be put into a situation like that, after all we are not kids anymore.

I felt sick inside, we just went home after that and it was pretty quiet on the ride home. I could not help think of my parents getting a call tonight or tomorrow by the police, telling them that their son was dead or badly hurt and in a hospital. They would probably hear about something happening involving two men hiking, on the local news, not knowing until later it was us. I also could not help think about Dave's father, still grieving over the recent loss of his wife. Dave lay down and I could see he was torn up by this, his eyes watered at the thought that he could have caused harm to me. I hugged him, told him the main thing is nothing happened, we are both alright, I can get another hat, he can get another camera and that is the main thing. He said "I can't help think what if that tree I grabbed was not growing in that spot." I said we can learn from this and move on, there is no point in saying "what if." I started to make him laugh then with a little dark humour, I don't want him punishing himself anymore, I said to him, "how many times do we here about some goof that gets out on a ledge and falls off, I used to think, if your that stupid then too bad!" He laughed and said we better rethink that train of thought.

I was suppose to stay over night again at Dave's place but I made an excuse to leave. I told him not to worry about it but I am really strung out by this, I know I will not sleep tonight. I can't describe the feeling when you think you might be about to die, at the moment I am haunted, over and over buy the ledge, the feeling of slipping-slipping, the rocks below and that tree... a tree that one little picture of, almost cost us greatly.