Twenty Gay Things I've Learn

This week there is a lot of activity regarding pride week and parades between my city and the neighboring city. If we can, Dave and I will try for the Montreal gay pride parade this weekend. As a gay blog which was based on my coming out, I want to write for a little while about gay and coming out issues in keeping with that theme.

When I finally listened to my inner gay voice calling, or should I say shouting, pleading, screaming, begging, I learned a few things about being gay and gay people in general. It is a whole separate world from the straight world and yet the same in many ways as well. I decided to list a few observations I made and you can agree or disagree based on your experience.

1) There are as many gay men, if not more, who are as into trucks, cars, motor cycles, sports, nature as there are gay men into fashion, plays, musicals, books and art galleries.

2) For every out loud and proud gay person you bump into in any city, there are probably another ten that you meet and have no clue about.

3) There are probably as many gay men that kick back with a beer, can't dance, like country or heavy rock music, never went to a museum on their own, have no clue about the name of any designer and like to have a peaceful evening at home, as there are gay men who drink martinis, can shake their booty to the floor, like sappy or dance music, haunt places of culture, have shrines to models or designers and like to party wild until dawn.

4) When your gay-dar goes off about people and you think it is broken, more than likely it is working fine, they just have not worked things out for themselves yet.

5) When you think you are the only gay person in the family and friends setting around you, there are others as well, if you stop to think about it, you sort of know each other is gay but say nothing for years until one starts the domino effect.

6) People will surprise you when they find out. Some who you thought would be upset by it will stick by you and others you thought were open enough to deal with it may shut down.

7) If you believe you have everyone fooled into thinking you are straight... you don't, people "know" and just don't want to meddle.

8) Again, people will surprise you with their responses upon telling them. Not all will say "I had no clue!" Not all will be bad or tell you to "date a nice girl and it will change." You will get "I knew but was waiting for when you were ready to tell me" or "I suspected but felt it was not my business" and "why tell me this, it has no reflection on our friendship, it is your life, live it as you want to".

9) Society is not a straight world with a few gay people in it, the number of one in a hundred is what I felt it used to be, however now that my eyes are open I believe one in ten and maybe even two out of every ten when counting gays, lesbians, transsexuals and the wide swing in sexual attraction to the degree of bisexuality in people, some who even still consider themselves as straight.

10) Some people know they are gay from a very early age, some don't understand their feelings until much later in life, the younger generations I believe will do better as they have more information and now finally role models.

11) More education about the GLBT community for ignorant people who spread hate and block our every move will not work. These are a group of people who do not want to learn the truth, they choose to believe only lies to strengthen their case against us, so there is no point in getting upset when they refuse to listen to any research about homosexuality.

12) The issues surrounding gay relationships are mainly the same as straight relationships, who will take out the trash etc, no matter what Hollywood says.

13) Like every relationship, some are very sexual and some are not, the myth of gay men especially, having sex 24/7 is just that, a myth. Gay people are not "gays" they are all individual people who happen to be gay, with tastes and likes same as everyone.

14) There is a whole hidden world that goes on around people in the straight world, if you keep your eyes closed to it and stay in the closet you are missing out on a lot of great living.

15) A large number of gay people do not take part in any religion, not because they have chosen to follow a self centered life style, it is because most have been made to feel unwelcome and unwanted in their faiths.

16) Hiding in the closet for years can make us become so obsessed with keeping our secret, that it skewers our view of the outside world, making the cycle repeat and worsen.

17) There are a lot of straight people out there who quietly support us.

18) As much as some of us feel that we can't relate to the really fem, leather and outrageously loud gay people, we have to put aside our annoyances with some of them and be thankful to them for literally opening the gates for the rest of us. Pride Parades are still much needed and are really just a fun event for the GLBT community, only the wacky right see it as a political statement.

19) Jack is just a funny character on Will and Grace who I can enjoy now. He does not turn the world against me, I no longer have to feel misrepresented by him.

20) Finally, it is true when gay people say there is a freedom to coming out. Pick your right moment but don't use it as an excuse to hide, there is a weight lifted off of a person's shoulders. Also once you make gay friends and know there are people behind you, it begins to matter less and less what others think about your sexuality.

Talking with people in blog-land was a safe and painless way for me to begin my coming out process. The blog world is a great way for a closeted person to get the encouragement and support to begin coming out. Gay blog writers and those who write blogs in support but are straight, tend to be friendlier, more open, supportive, encouraging, smarter, sexier (inside or out), funnier and have much larger penises than the average person (except the women, they are smarter because all the extra blog brain cells just went to one head to think with). It is a proven fact!