Homo-seXXXuality

One of the strange things I have to get comfortable with is finding guys attractive, when I look at a man with his shirt off and think "sooo hot" I always immediately feel guilty and turn away. I feel like I should apologize or I have done something wrong. It is still ingrained into my head that guys just should not be looking at guys. Even here in blog land, since all of you seem to be really hot so far, when I make the comment that one of my fellow blog writers or a reader is good looking, there is still that slight fear that they will write back and ask "what is wrong with you, are you queer?" It feels funny when I am with a friend who knows that I am gay and they ask while watching a movie, "do you think he is hot?" I always am startled by that and instinctively want to say "how should I know?" There is slight pleasure in being able to say yes I do or no I don't. It feels great not to always be guarded, the other night while on the phone with my friend Lyn, she mentioned about a past boyfriend of hers and how she felt confused over not being attracted to him, even though he was really good looking. Without thinking I made the passing comment "oh yes Mike was really good looking, he was hot" there was silence for a second and we both burst out laughing, she said it sounded so strange to hear me say that and she will have to get use to it.

The truth is that when it turns sunny and warm here, I am in total anticipation because the guys especially more so than the women, want to show how tough they are by stripping down. When I walk out in the late spring morning and it is getting sunny and hot, I smile a little because I know the shirts will come off and the pants will be changed to shorts. It is even strange for me to discuss guys with other blog writers. It feels funny especially when discussing it with bloggers who don't really blog about being gay. I have to keep telling myself, it is okay he has the same feelings, he understands, the same attractions are there. It felt really good one afternoon to email back and forth with a blog friend about what we see attractive in a man, favorite male body parts, the type of guy we like and he sent me pictures of a man he finds attractive. It was good to feel like I have joined the club and able to have this talk. The kind of talk straight guys do about girls all the time, now however I was really a part of the conversation, and not just playing the part of a straight man with no real interest in the conversation like I once did. Still there was a feeling like a nun was going to burst into the room at any moment and ask me what I was doing.

I tend to stay away from sex and sexuality on this blog as it is more about my coming out process. I also wanted to be a little decent and respectable in the eyes of my readers because that is part of who I am. Thinking it over however my sexuality is also part of who I am and I want to explore it and celebrate it. I do not have any brothers, I grew up in the country and I never played on a sports team so it worked out that I never saw another guy's penis until I was twenty four. It still holds an electric charge and a bit of wonder when I do see another man's penis, whether in a picture or a live person. As if I am allowed to share something intimate with him, a type of vulnerability that lets me see him exposed and not just physically. Also at the same time a taboo that I am not suppose to break, an unwritten code between men, we are not suppose to look. However I am gay, not only can I look but if we were to become sexual, his penis would be my main focus. Here comes the warning section to this blog, I am going to put links to sites that I enjoy looking at so if you are offended by gay sex or nudity do NOT click on them! If you are under age don't you dare or I will track down your mother and tell her!

Okay here it goes, things that Steven likes, straight men or gay men acting like straight men being homo-erotic. I don't know if this is true, but you just have to see this! Maybe Jess or one of the blog writers from England, do you know if this is a true documentary about a rugby team? So hot! Then there are guy's bums or buns, I just love me some buns! If you have not looked at Jon's site check it out! He has great man bum down the side of his blog, caution if you scroll down to the bottom you will see guys that are half donkey and you can guess which part of them is donkey! One day I stumbled onto this artistic site and liked the different choice of models he sometimes uses, not the usual under twenty, shaved guys. There are many other blogs and sites that are good also so don't feel left out. If you have a favorite and want to put a link in the comment area feel free, this is gay guy talk and we can share, like a gay locker room! No girls allowed, well unless they also know of a good site!

Update, it seems the rugby clip has been removed, too bad really, it showed a team that was really bonded and when they had a lot to drink went really wild and would do all sorts of crazy homo-erotic things to get women's attention. It looked very real like a documentary and not acted like a porn film. To bad I wanted to share it with you guys.