The other night I was talking to my blog buddy (who's more than just a buddy to me) about the usual things regarding being gay. We are in the same boat and at the same point of just coming out so I like to share thoughts, confusions, turn ons, turn offs, etc. I was telling him about a piece I read where the article was saying with the younger people sexuality was becoming more fluid, (no pun was intended there I would guess), more fluid in that years ago you were either straight, gay or maybe bisexual. In fact it said both sides gay and straight each thought bisexual people were hiding their true sexuality. The article went on to say that with today's younger people the lines are blurred. Looks like the Kinsey scale may be more true than once thought. As people become more comfortable with sexuality they are more inclined to have sex with the person not the gender.
I brought this up to him because I wanted to confess something strange to him. Even though I know I am completely gay and not even the slightest bit bisexual, I still am curious as to what it would be like to have sex with a woman. I said that if I was really comfortable with a female friend and she was open minded sexually if the moment came up, I would. It then makes me wonder, since I am a gay man in a straight world, I have the freedom to express those thoughts. Society would see absolutely nothing wrong with me having sex with a woman, in fact maybe even encourage it. However the thing I wonder about is, if straight guys were given the same freedom about curiosity would they like to try just at least once with another guy. I know if asked a straight guy would snap right away and say no! I wonder in the privacy of their own thoughts if they think about it or has that just been burned out of their mind. For myself it is completely different as I was never taught that sex with women was wrong so to me it is not a taboo, it is just something I do not desire.
I forget most times that some of the men who read this blog are bisexual and some of the blogs I read are written by bisexual men, I think the ones that are exploring the homosexual side are really brave. I have written to some and told them I think they are being brave because honestly in my younger days, if I had one once of bisexuality I would have married the first woman I could get along with and hidden the homosexual side forever. Some told me that to deny that part was to deny themselves or who they are, true and I admire them for that decision. I am fascinated by bisexuality, in some ways I feel they are the lucky ones and I'm almost envious of them. Back to the fluidity of relationships, I was even reading where some gays and lesbians who are close friends have entered into relationships with each other. They were saying that since the lines are not as solid between the sexualities as before, if a gay man suddenly finds himself attracted to a woman, then why can he not start a relationship with her without worrying about what his label is.
I hear this as well with straight women, some have told me that they are straight but maybe at one point in their life they fell in love and dated another woman but found that they were only attracted to that one particular woman. What about straight men, I then wondered this out loud to my blog buddy, he reminded me of the college experimentation stories that we hear of. I never paid much attention to those stories, I really always assumed those guys were actually gay or bisexual and were not ready to admit it. Now I am wondering if I am wrong, maybe they were just straight guys that were comfortable enough with themselves to want to try a little play. Thinking back, both my friend and I began to remember stories of where some of our straight friends, who somehow just seem to know about us, began to get a little too close to us. I can remember, straight friends becoming a little too sexual in their horseplay with me, usually beer was a factor here. Now I just hate myself, because I was so busy trying not to be outed as gay, I did not notice the guys that thought I was, and then tried to get somewhere with it. I should have realized if they wanted to push the envelope, they probably did not care about me being gay in the first place. I used to think of it as being decent, now I think of it as missed opportunities. I should make it clear that these were people I knew well, cared about and trusted, they were not strangers.
My reality is however, me trying to find gay friends, then a boyfriend. The above are only thoughts, I would rather have someone to kiss good night to every evening before going to sleep, and not me sleeping with women or horny straight guys. I know the right would go nuts at the thought of people dating whoever, and would claim the end of humanity, however I don't think at the moment there is a shortage of humans. I think with the younger generation there is less pressure to stay inside the box and more encouragement to think/date outside the box. Some people are just totally straight and will only date the opposite sex and some people like me are totally gay and could only love a same sex person, but imagine a world where people just went out with whoever they fell in love with, man or woman and no one judged and one cared as long as they were good to each other.
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13 comments:
Funny, last night I was talking to your blog buddy too and said that I would totally do Sarah Chalke (Scrubs) and/or Jewel Staite (Firefly/Stargate Atlantis). I'm not lying. I don't know... there's something about those Canadians. :-P I'm sure you-know-who would agree.
that steven would be a wonderful world,where we could just be who we are and loved who we loved and no one cared.......
There is some fluidity in my personality too. I do have female friends that I could see spending the rest of my life, if I were straight. And I do wonder what having sex with them would be like.
Building on what you have posted and what John commented, I have had thoughts that were more on the side of regret. After "knowing who I am" and that I was indeed gay, there was a time or two when I asked myself if I made the right decision to declare myself gay when there seemed to have been feelings for a woman. I never have seen the possibility of being bisexual, so I always looked at it as if I made the "wrong" decision. Today, I know I made the right decision.
Wow, I find myself back in here. It's so good to see other human beings have the same thoughts + feelings.
I have never been with a woman and would like to experience it, but I know that I am 100% gay and will never have the opportunity. I do see that the lines are becoming more blurred with sexuality as men and women are becoming more androgynous. Hell, there is even a reality TV show on MTV now where a woman is trying to decide between a group of men and women to find a partner. I do think that men are more stigmatized and will never have the freedom to openly explore both scopes of sexuality - at least not in my lifetime. However, I do see that sexuality is a lot grayer than it used to be.
David, if I were going to go to the dark side, with female stars that is, it would be Jessica Alba when she was in Dark Angel, Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on Buffy and Jennifer Love Hewitt because she is so fem like a flower. I need to get my butt on earlier to catch you again buddy!
Dave, I hope for the younger people at least they will see that day. There are people sadly who will stop at nothing to prevent that from happening.
John, I think about it but maybe if I had the chance I would run away like a scared rabbit!
Steven, yes I agree. For myself I have always known that I am gay, I just wonder about sex with a woman, I mean to just try once not get into a relationship with her.
Markus, always happy to see (read) a new face! Come back as often as you like. Glad you were able to feel a connection.
Daniel, I agree that men are judged more and if they do anything that makes them look gay, it is seen as a sign of weakness. This makes it less likely that two close male friends would cross the boundries and explore sex between themselves.
It's interesting how if a woman has bisexual leanings, it's hot. If a man has them, it's (or he's) gay.
Hmmm...
I have never(ever)wanted sex with a woman! Yes, before I knew I was gay, I wanted to "date" girls. But only because I thought I was suppose to.
I am definately gay!
I am completly smitten with the male form.
Women are "pretty", and that's all.
I have been in relationships with several bi-sexuals. And every time, though they enjoy male sex, they always go back to women! Is it me? or are bi-sexuals really straight and just having fun on the side?
Steven, yes so true and so not fair! If a guy has bi feelings then it is seen as something wrong with him. I remember however once reading about a straight guy who said he started having sex with gay friends once he was comfortable with them. When asked why, he said because he had a huge sex drive but mostly his gay friends never say no! ;)
Wayne, I just wonder about sex with a woman, I am completely gay, I'm not mixed up about that. Probably would never do it, actually not even sure if my equipment would work for me! I think with bisexuals just the pressure to follow the straight world is so great it may just be easier for them. Even me being gay, I felt under a lot of pressure to marry and have a family.
It's a bit of a gay stereotype, isn't it, the idea that bisexuals always go back to women. There might well be an element of truth in it, but it's also an expression of fear and jealousy of the bisexual's option to choose a more conventional lifestyle and leave the gay guy stranded.
So I never tell gays I'm bi. There's no advantage to telling, and it causes a lot of stress.
Pete, since I am not bisexual I can not relate, as for myself I think if I was bisexual, I would tend to just date women. I know that is the coward's way out but I hate attention and conflict, so for me it would make life much easier to just stick with the straight crowd.
Steven
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