Not good enough?

When I first began to think about coming out, I always wondered and worried about the straight people in my life. How they would react, would they accept me. Arrogantly I assumed the gay community would think itself lucky to have me, wrong of me to think like that but I never worried about how I would be accepted there. I had this vision of a gay group coming to my door, a welcoming committee with gay contracts to sign and instructions on how to be gay, maybe even a list of all the gay people in my city. I mean how lucky they would feel that I was one of them! However that certainly did not turn out to be the case.

I never once thought that I would... well actually not be good enough to be gay! Yep, it is true, according to what I am reading, I am just not good enough for most gay people to be their friend. I was shocked, is this not the same minority that cries about tolerance, understanding and being non judgemental. I had put my name out on some local sites to try and find some friends. When I look around I just don't meet most of the requirements to be a gay friend.

First my age is a factor, once you get past 29, I think you are suppose to turn straight because you seem to hold no value in the gay community any longer. This may surprise some people but it is not my fault, I did not do anything wrong to become older, I did not want to get older it just happened one night, plus one night, plus one night, plus one night etc. To the guys in your 30s, 40s and 50s who say no one over 25 well enjoy your miserable loneliness, you deserve it. Next, I need to work out, yes I should have taken better care of myself and just for simple health reasons I should get into a routine, however we can't all be male models. I am not clear though, if you let yourself look like Shrek, why do you demand everyone around you look like Prince charming! I'm not six feet, my eyes are not blue, I'm really white like I just saw a ghost and I will never tan, so these undesirable qualities make it impossible for other gay guys to go to a movie, have a cup of coffee or just hang out with me. I guess it would kill their cool factor. I am not super butch or super jock either, just a regular guy, I don't think there is a sub-group in the gay culture for that one.

My pen is not for you to touch, it does not matter how big my pen is as long as I know the material on the exam! Yep sorry folks I am talking about the pen-is, penis. OK so if you say on your profile that you are looking for friends only, then why does it matter how long I am (or not long), come on I'm only a size 9 shoe, give me a break I am an 8 like everyone else, what do you want me to do, fall over or faint from loss of blood! Then comes cut or uncut, well you see in the straight world we only shook hands when first meeting a person, are you going to examine me or something? I need that gay hand book, there must be something missing from what I know about making friends. A lot of sites ask me to say whether I am a top or bottom, well when I'm up the ladder I am on top and when I go down the ladder I am at the bottom, end of story.

I am not upset by all of this because I will let you in on a little secret, if you judge my character as a friend on my hair color, height or my penis, I am not interested in meeting you either. I like people to have different levels to them, I like to be surprised by them as I get to know them better. I think being that shallow lets me see through the one level you have. I decided to pull my name from these sites and searched for a different route. I have mentioned before finding clubs in this city for gay people not into the bar scene, I have been finding more groups along these lines and they seem more open and accepting of everyone. I will start to make contact with certain groups and we will see how that goes. I have a better feeling about people who are in a club to meet or help others than a club where their only concern is to get themselves off.