Awakening

Well here I am in blog land, I never thought the day would come when I would try this. I was encouraged by some people to get my thoughts down, suggesting that it may help me on my journey. It is always hard to start off with where I am in life so I guess the best way is to jump in. I am a gay man who has lived hidden all my life. Growing up in small town Canada I wanted to be the good son, the good friend, neighbor, clean cut and never one to rock the boat. I am on the quiet side and certainly do not like attention so for me being gay seemed out of the question. I became obsessed with keeping it hidden and nearly got away with it. What changed my view was the sudden death of a friend's brother. At 36 he was only a year younger than me and I suddenly realized I was in my mid-thirties, spiraling towards 40 and I never actually had lived yet. I was not sure how to go about - well leading a gay life. I am not one for the bar scene and to be honest the gay culture spooked me a little (a lot). All my friends are straight and I was becoming frustrated with what to do until one day I stumbled onto the blog community. It was just what I needed, a peek into the lives of other gay people. I soaked up the small details of their lives as they lived as couples or struggled with the same issues as I was wrestling with. Finally I got up the courage to email one of the bloggers and his extremely kind response was the first step on a long journey of me accepting who I really am. I still have a very long way to go and hopefully you will come along with me.